Shouldn’t have asked him to change the nappy?

[Hmewoods]

Me and DP were supposed to go on holiday with some family (my dad, sister and nieces) over May half term but due to a disagreement between myself and DP, which my dad got wind of, my dad (who had paid for it all) said he did not want DP there. I was going to not go as I felt bad going without him, but our DD (6) had been counting down the months, then weeks, then days etc until this holiday and so I didn’t want to let her down. So we agreed that I would still go with the children and DP would go on a holiday with his friends, which ultimately ended up to be Ibiza.
Me and the children went May 22nd - May 29th, DP went from the 26th - 30th. When DP got back Friday midday I did what I could to help as he was feeling a bit fragile, and then on the Saturday I took the kids out with my mum so he could have even further time to relax. He was going to come and get our DS (2) in the evening from my mums house whilst I stayed there with DD so I could just have a little break from the craziness of raising a toddler, but when he got there he decided he wanted to stay as well which was fine, and he paid for us all to have a take away.
Once we got home this morning I just asked if he could change DS’s nappy and he just flipped on me telling me I was being unfair and I was doing it to punish him, that I should be grateful that he paid for the take away last night and that he’s (apparently) going to be giving me some money to go away with at the end of the month for my best friends hen do.
I hardly ever ask him to change nappies but I’d felt like from pretty much being a solo parent (he does help more with the cooking side of things) for the last however many days, it wasn’t that big of an ask. Is it the norm that it’s seen as a big ask to get dad to change nappies every now and again or is he being a 🤡?

Thank you for your kind response (and for all the other kind replies!) but yes I do agree, and it’s really why I don’t want my daughter (or son) viewing the way he treats me as I don’t want that to set the standard for them.
My situation was different before as I was very financially dependent on him, however a bit of luck is I have just got a job at the local preschool, starting Tuesday! So I’m hoping this will be the start of something to give me more independence again so I can start putting things into place 🤞🏼

You are very much living your life at the mercy of angry men.

How can You Get yourself out of this? Make an escape plan and leave him. Your daughter will thank you in adulthood. Do not stay under these men's control.

When he's at work go to citizens advice, when oldest is in school work out benefit entitlement and contact a women's aid shelter. He is seriously abusive. Leave. There are no 2 ways with it.

He will not change

You will never change him.

repeat it over and over until you believe it because it’s your reality. This will carry on and on.

Your DD will think this is how men treat women, and your son will grow up thinking this is how men treat women.

You know what you need to do. Talk to someone in real life, get support and get rid of the huge waste of space.

Please please leave. He sounds dangerous....

Congratulations on your new job! You know you have to leave, but it often takes women several attempts. Maybe this will be the final straw for you. I hope you get away safely

I am going to bet there is some massive back story here.

Either your Dad is sick of your DP treating you like shit (which sounds pretty likely given how useless your DP sounds!) or your dad hugely overreacted?

However your DP's response to you going away without him was to go to Ibiza? I mean who does that? It feels like a punishment.

The nappy incident is odd. He'd just had a break away from the kids, you hadn't?

So many red flags just from the little you have posted @Hmewoods . Happy, healthy relationships don't have this amount of drama.

Edited to add I'd posted before I saw your 3rd and 4th replies.

Get this piece of shit gone. Now. Call the police if you have to. He sounds deranged.

Oh dear … I hope you get to start your new job, @Hmewoods - because it seems to me your lovely partner is building up to an almighty scene that will prevent you from leaving the house on Tuesday …

Honestly? He sounds like one of those (rare) men who think that they're paragons of virtue because they're not wife beaters.

Your father was controlling (and not much help with the kids in your own words) and you have chosen a partner who is the same.

Most fathers do step up with childcare and tasks such as nappy changes.

Next time decline your father's holiday and holiday together which breaks the cycle of a controlling dad and a lads break which wipes him out for so long after

Their own dad doesn’t really change nappies? You have a right prince there op, never mind the other stuff! Seriously, raise your bar - why do so many women put up with shit men?

I can’t believe this is real. Why do you put up with this shit ? What did you say when he moaned about the nappy ? I’d have gone mad.

OP, my DC are 25 and 17. My DH changed nappies all the time, right from the start. Every single one of my girlfriends’ DHs and my male friends, my DB, BIL and male cousin did too. We are all in our 50s.

You have bigger problems than the fact that he doesn’t want to change nappies though - but a bloke who won’t change his DCs’ nappies is pathetic, in my eyes.

I’ll accept there is a difference when it comes to other people’s kids. None of the men I refer to above to my knowledge changed nappies of children who were not their own, whereas the women would have done/did if asked.

Don't make the excuse that "he must have taken stuff over there and thats why ges a shitty human being"

He's just a shitty human being.

OP, this is for you. Definitely check out the book 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft as well if you haven't already.