Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He’s buying me gifts before the first date ? Red flag ?

28 replies

Kenyaparks · 31/05/2025 23:05

So I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks( not the same man in my last post) Anyways he lives locally to where I am, we have a date planned out for next week. He recently went on vacation and bought things for me ? He also bought me a few things without me asking or knowing anything about it. He plans on giving it all to me during our first date? Is this a form of love bombing or is he just trying hard?

OP posts:
MidoriNoRingo · 31/05/2025 23:06

Maybe gift giving is his love language.

TyneTeas · 31/05/2025 23:08

Perhaps a little souvenir from his holiday would be a nice gesture, but the rest I would think is too much, would feel like he was attracted to the idea of the relationship and following a formula, rather than getting to know me and seeing how it went

skinnyoptionsonly · 31/05/2025 23:12

I’d be wary for sure.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 31/05/2025 23:20

I’d find this quite overwhelming and awkward. I don’t know what to advise, but I’d definitely be put off. Maybe try saying something to discourage him from giving you the gifts. Eg something about he doesn’t need to do all that when you’ve not even met.

Endofyear · 31/05/2025 23:22

Oh no, definitely trying too hard 😬 I'd be very wary indeed!

healthybychristmas · 31/05/2025 23:22

He's being very silly isn't he because he might turn up and not like the look of you and he's got a bundle of presents for you. Why would he put himself through that never mind why would you want it?

healthybychristmas · 31/05/2025 23:22

I would think more of him if he turned up with something rather than told you all about it before hand.

LegoTherapy · 31/05/2025 23:37

In my experience, my naive experience, it was a red flag and part of love bombing. I was dropped like a hot potato three weeks later when he learnt he couldn’t control me. He’d asked what my favourite chocolate was and bought several of each one I mentioned and put it all in a lovely gift bag. I’m amazed it didn’t put me off for life. Tread very carefully and never go against your gut. Mumsnet taught me to listen to my gut and it’s never been wrong.

NuffSaidSam · 31/05/2025 23:39

It's a bit OTT. Whether he's trying to 'love bomb' you or he's just a bit naive is hard to tell. Either way it would put me off.

Ablondiebutagoody · 31/05/2025 23:56

He sounds like a nut job. I would be cancelling that date

melisma · 31/05/2025 23:59

That would make me run a mile.

Original poster
Kenyaparks · 01/06/2025 00:31

He’s also getting a room and staying a day out here? He claims he doesn’t want to drive all the way back two hours on the same day? Hopefully he’s not expecting sex ….

OP posts:
TwinklyNight · 01/06/2025 00:59

Why don't you tell them you're not comfortable with gifts as you dont really know each other.

I suspect they booked a room in hopeful anticipation.

Arsehooooole · 01/06/2025 01:01

I wouldn't say 2 hours away is local....

PeapodMcgee · 01/06/2025 01:01

Love bombing, additional needs, or inexperience perhaps..

JFDIYOLO · 01/06/2025 01:07

Way too much, I think. A low key coffee date first to see how you get on. But the presents, the hotel room - I'd be 😳

CountryMumof4 · 01/06/2025 01:14

Are you the same poster that had been chatting to someone for a few weeks (a couple of weeks ago) that had asked 'jokingly' for that guy to send you coffee money etc.?

I guess it would partly depend on the intensity and frequency of your conversations. If there have been a lot and you've got on well, the odd holiday gift isn't so bad, but I'd find multiple gifts OTT in this situation.

Sera1989 · 01/06/2025 01:32

Gifts, a four hour round trip and paying for a hotel is all a bit much. Sounds like he’s trying to buy your affection before inviting you back to his room. Sorry OP

JMSA · 01/06/2025 02:10

Hmm. I dated a guy for a bit and prior to meeting, we were obviously messaging online (as online dating!). I mentioned to him that I wasn’t feeling well. He kept insisting on sending me flowers, even saying that I could give the florist my address directly! I said no but did go out on a few dates with him.
Guess what, he had major boundary problems. I had to block him in the end.
Only telling you this because ‘your’ guy sounds the same!
In fact, if his name begins with C, I’ll fall off my chair 🤣

HRTQueen · 01/06/2025 02:25

Of course it’s over the top trying way too hard and he is way too needy for your approval.

its suffocating just reading your post

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 01/06/2025 04:06

CountryMumof4 · 01/06/2025 01:14

Are you the same poster that had been chatting to someone for a few weeks (a couple of weeks ago) that had asked 'jokingly' for that guy to send you coffee money etc.?

I guess it would partly depend on the intensity and frequency of your conversations. If there have been a lot and you've got on well, the odd holiday gift isn't so bad, but I'd find multiple gifts OTT in this situation.

Yes it's the same poster 🙄

It was only 3 weeks ago you asked if the last one you were talking to was giving red flags OP. Maybe you aren't ready for a relationship

icelollycraving · 01/06/2025 04:12

Where are you meeting them? Is this a sugar daddy type thing? It seems strange for 2 men to be buying your affection before really dating.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/06/2025 06:10

Your track record isn’t good OP. In fact…it’s plain bloody weird! Stop scamming random men on apps into sending you money and buying you presents ffs 🤦‍♀️

Renabrook · 01/06/2025 06:39

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/06/2025 06:10

Your track record isn’t good OP. In fact…it’s plain bloody weird! Stop scamming random men on apps into sending you money and buying you presents ffs 🤦‍♀️

Yes and treet corners are not ideal to collect men, seriously op maybe work on your self respect before dating again why are you letting these men you can be bought it is not healthy

stayathomer · 01/06/2025 06:42

If you’re asking then it’s just not for you, as I’m not your thing. If you’ve been talking a lot in his head you might already be a step on from a first date. I’d say some people would appreciate it but if you’re using the words ‘love bombing’ then you’re both just very (maybe too) different.