To want to accept that sadly I look older than my age

[OurDoorz]

I am in my early 50s and it's come to my attention that I look about a decade older. Someone said something that made me realise they thought I was much older than I am, and then this aged appearance has been confirmed to me in various ways. It's not my imagination. Please treat it as a fact.

I have sagging jowls and a turkey neck due to weight loss and possibly Ehlers-Danlos (I'm awaiting a diagnosis). These could only be fixed by a face-lift. I also have quite deep crows feet and texture issues which I'm working on with tretinoin and led light therapy, but these will only do so much. Ive also updated my wardrobe with more modern clothes. But without surgery I'm always going to look older than I am.

I've considered surgery and the risk, expense, pain, and recovery time just don't seem worth it to me so I've decided against it. But still, I feel quite depressed about looking older.

AIBU to try to find a way to accept it rather than try to fight it? I just want to feel grateful I'm alive and reasonably healthy and to focus on the things that make me happy, but I'm just feeling quite low. If you've dealt with this please tell me how?

To any unkind posters who will come on here and chastise me saying I'm ageist for not wanting to look 60-something - I'm not ageist at all. Women 60+ can look gorgeous but I just don't want to look ten years older than my age and hopefully thats understandable. To the other unkind posters who will want to use this thread to boast about how young they look please don't, it would be cruel and unnecessary. Thank you.

Not all facial surgery is done under anaesthetic sp.

Some brilliant advice here, I hope it helps others.

I look old too.
Jowels, thin hair, sun damage etc etc.
I've accepted it.
People like me and I like them. I enjoy life.
You've already got good hair, so the other thing you can do is ask a personal shopper to give you a cool new look. Stylish older people look better than unstylish older people. I'm not stylish ... can't be arsed ... but I admire those who are!

Hey OP - just make sure you are taking care of yourself, eat well and exercise!

Ageing will get to us all sooner or later; the feeling you are having is something everyone will experience.

Regarding surgery, you can go ahead with it, however I would invest that money on your health - imagine looking good on the outside but rotting on the inside, pointless isn't it.

I thought about getting Botox and fillers etc. but then went against it as it wouldn't truly make me feel better. Now I just focus on eating well, sleeping well and holidays - I feel and look much better.

How do I deal with the negativity? It's human nature to compare yourself to those we see as "better" however I have completely changed my mindset and think of those worse off than me and it helps me appreciate what I have for example good eyesight I can enjoy a sunset or a pretty garden on my walk.

It's an online prescription: Mine's from www.monderma.co.uk/

I think (my experience) is that I very much do apprecaite all that stuff however I cannot get away from the fact that people my age do not have as much of a collapsing face as I do. This is only confirmed by looking at my peers. I am having my eyelids (upper bleph) done for functional reasons and the surgeon asked me if I'd had a big weight loss as my face is so sunken. One of my cheeks is just a criss cross of huge deep lines, like the photo they show of that old man who has done a driving job and has had one side of his face in the sun.

I’m another one who aged overnight, I’m 51. I’m also putting it down to weight loss.

People always used to be surprised at my age, not any more! I have really dark circles I can’t seem to disguise, and had jowels and quite deep marionette lines.

I didn’t fancy filler but what has really helped was Nefertiti Botox and some in my DAO muscles. I look much fresher and I’m going to get my elevens done next time too to look less bad tempered! I’m also on a new Skin + Me routine with tretinoin.

You have my sympathy, it sucks to happen seemingly overnight. I wish I didn’t care but I do.

I look old for my age/ not very attractive due to illness and a lot of heavy medication

I honestly don't really care. I don't look in mirrors much which I expect helps. I love reading, hanging with friends and family, my dog, walking in nature. I just don't spend much time thinking about how I look.

I was pretty attractive with a decent figure when I was young and hated the unsolicited attention from men and feel pretty relieved not to have to deal with that any more.

It's quite liberating not to care

One great thing about being an older woman is that you can go anywhere and talk to anyone when you're travelling. You don't have to curb your friendliness in case men get ideas, or be on high alert for predators like when you were younger. And whereas older men have to be wary of approaching children and young people we can talk to anyone.

@OurDoorz What was the comment that was said to you to make you think this? We need context.

A colleague revealed he thought I was about a decade closer to statutory retirement age than I actually am. And several conversations with kind but honest friends and my hairdresser confirmed it. It's basically a fact depite my lovely husband trying to tell me "oh, you look 25", bless him!

I think I'm going to add hifu to my list of things to try along with acceptance. And I'm taking more care with my appearance as well, because even if I look older I can still look good - as many older women do. Maybe it's not all about looking younger but looking well put together, approachable, and moderately fun (but not wacky!).

Yes to avoiding wacky!
(Unless you are naturally wack and like the look!)

Another who aged a lot when I hit 50. I always looked 10 years younger than my age, average looking but younger. I am usually very sensible and practical, rarely wear make up. I have been surprised at finding ageing a bit hard, thinning hair (used to be very thick), bit jowly, all the usual things but my ageing definitely accelerated suddenly.

I find getting out in the fresh air boosts my mood, forcing myself to get on the cross trainer to be less soft overall, try to stretch with some yoga or Pilates. I do think there is some truth in our ageing will level off now for a decade. Anyone with thinning hair, I have been taking a vitamin B table for 4 months now and my hair has stopped falling out, there hasn’t been a lot of regrowth but definitely the shedding has stopped.

At 58 my focus is on being healthy not young looking. I cover my greys with highlights and am healthy bmi, keep clean, mosturised and well groomed.

Yes I have some wrinkles, looser jawline etc. (And so does my husband) but i have not touched my face with any aesthetics. I feel the pressure of course, most friends do have procedures and so yes I look older than them.

I lost 2 friends in the past few years, one to cancer, one in an accident and so I feel.strongly that my life is about experiences, time with my loved ones, passions and activities I love, not about worrying about what I look like.

The one thing I would say is that this is just one stage in your life where you happen to look older. Ageing is not linear. It’s highly likely that your age will catch up with your body while others will accelerate, and it could keep changing.

When I was under 35 I looked much younger than my age. When I had children I aged very rapidly. I’m now in my early forties and easily look late forties - I am very grey (highlighted but it’s still obviously) I have a very wrinkled forehead, I wear glasses and I have put on weight. I look “dumpy” despite my best efforts at fashion. My boobs sag.

I do my best but right nobody is going to think I’m in my thirties and most will think I’m closer to 50. But I’m also exhausted. At some point, I won’t age quite so rapidly, I’ll have more rest.

the most important thing about how you come across is your attitude. I am trying to care much much less about what I look like and more about how I feel.

i agree it’s not easy; but try to remember this is just now, it’s not a forever state. We all change physically all the time

Yanbu

and youre a better woman that me because I’m vain as fuck about this

Don't be blue @OurDoorz I bet you don't look 10 years older! Even if some people may have hinted at it. I bet it's all women who are in their mid 40s, to mid 60s??? I am late 50s, and since the age of 44-45, I have had my age guessed between 12 years OLDER, and 10 years YOUNGER. At 48 I had someone offering me an over 60s discount in a shop. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

The following week, a woman in a hobby group who I was talking to thought I was the same age as her son - 42. I was 48. So she thought I looked 20 years younger than the other woman did! The hobby group woman was 72, and the shop woman was in the 50s.

I think there's a certain type of middle aged woman who is bitchy and catty towards other women who she feels is more attractive than her/looks good, and she tries to neg her. And the barbed comments are worse, if the woman in question looks younger than her age. 😆

same for me- turned 50 and everything went pear shaped - literally! Weight gain then loss was my problem - jowls and turkey neck - I hate it and am shocked when I do a teams call or look in a mirror in the wrong light. Still happier to be slimmer though. I’m wishing my life away so my age catches up to my face!

im hoping I develop an attractive “character” face in time but at the moment I just look like shit!

Indeed!