AIBU to block my child’s father

[AlertEagle]

I’ve been raising my child on my own since he was born. There’s never been any help from his father. He left when my son was 2.5years old and showed up 4 years later. He came back with lots of promises. He said he wants to build a bond with his son and be in his life. I agreed to let him see him.

He was flaky from the first day. My son waited for him all day to come spend the day together. He showed up late in the evening when I was putting my son to sleep and after he tried to have sex with me. Actually every time he comes he tries it on with me. I don’t love him anymore I don’t want to see him I’m only putting up with him for my son.

I’m on the verge of blocking him and going no contact. He promises my son he will come see him on the weekends and then doesnt show up. My son cries and it affects his well being at school a lot. This half term I asked him to help with childcare and look after him so I don’t have to spend money on holiday clubs his excuse was he was going on a holiday. He said he will come and see his son. It’s Thursday and he hasn’t made any plans to see him yet. Half term finishes in 3 days I really feel like blocking and never let him back again. Please share any experiences or advice it’s much needed.

Is he paying maintenance? If not, then why not?

No, he’s never paid for anything. He claims he doesn’t work but always in nice clothes, car and he claimed someone else paid for his holiday (lol)

You can’t change him, apply for cms.
if he wants to see ds tell him he must take him out, don’t let him in your home. Don’t tell ds he’s coming until he turns up.

Then forget about him, and get on with living your life. Single parenthood is hard, don’t waste your emotions on him.

Have you gone via CMS?

He tells my son over the phone that he will come and my son ends up waiting. He’s been waiting all week. I told him how it make his son’s feel and he said “yes I know its very bad” and then did it again. No cms, he doesn’t work apparently

No he said he doesnt work and tbh he’s constantly online on whatsapp. Every time I change my picture or change my settings he texts me immediately.

You’ve gone via CMS and been unsuccessful or he told you he didn’t work, and you believe him (for some reason) and haven’t tried?

Log everything now while it is fresh in your mind. Dates, times, screen shots of messages as evidence, missed contact, yor child's mood.
Go via CMS.
Do not be soooo flexible.state every other Saturday between 9-1pm, for example. If he tries to change it or shows up later the answer is no. I also wouldn't tell your son he might be coming to try abd protect him.

I really want to block him and never speak to him again. I don’t want to see his name in my phone, my mental health is suffering because of him. I was doing fine when he wasnt around. He keeps asking if I have s boyfriend. Its like he came back to try and control me and not to be in his sons life.

I never did. I don’t have his current address. Only his name, have no idea where he lives as he wont tell me. He has other children born after my son.

You don’t know where this man lives or works, but you were letting him around your son and wanted him to do childcare? I’m sorry, but what are you thinking?

Apply via CMS. An address is helpful, but not mandatory. You can do this now.

Then block him if you need to. Either way, stop letting him into your home!

Yes he doesn’t tell me when I ask him.

You may be missing the point of that comment.

Yes I asked him to look after his son as he is his father and he was the one asking for contact.

Block him. He isn't consistent, he's affecting you. However just in case he did take you to court for contact i would gather as much info as possible to show the inconsistency and the negative affect it has on your child. Only you will know if you have enough already or not.
Then block, don't open the door to him, report to the police if he keeps showing up. There is no way I would be letting him take my child alone given the history you have shared and no address or place of work. That scares me.
But kindly, he may escalate his behaviour when you block him/stop communication. So inform your neighbours if they see any conflict to call the police. Have a safe word to say or text a friend of family member that is completely random so they can call for help if you need it. Always have you phone charged, consider your routine and what he knows about it. Play role plays games with your child about how when mummy says it is time to go, we go. Could have a silly word or phrase that means it is important now. Just consider and get a plan in place.

You can use a parenting app where all communication is logged.

Is there a decent family member who would act as go between if you gave him a set day each week/month?

Alternatively, tell him to take you to court for regular contact and stop bothering with him in the meantime.

And apply for CMS.

Still missing it.

You genuinely don’t see anything unwise in letting a man who you seem to barely know, who you have no way of locating, look after your very young child? The fact that he got you pregnant (and then legged it) does not make this safe. You’re being bafflingly irresponsible.

The fact that you haven’t even bothered to try going via CMS is similarly baffling.

He’s rocking up when he likes, trying to have sex with you, not even sharing where he lives and not contributing towards maintenance. Yes, block him. But that’s the least of your problems.

I’ve known him for over 10 years. I believe he wont tell me where he lives because he has a new girlfriend. He hasnt had a contact on his own and I think I wont allow it anymore. I tried to let him see my son but he let him down too many times and the fact he tries to have sex with me when he is in a relationship with someone else gives me the ick. Just cant look at him

He was abusive when we were dating I think anything I do will anger him. I plan to grey rock him and let him lose interest and the block him.

Can he take me to court even though he isnt on the birth certificate?

This is pretty scary that he is stalking you that way.

Yes I find it very odd. I think he wants to control me, he even asked if I have a new boyfriend etc. I don’t have anyone. I plan to move far away or grey rock him so he can lose interest. When I hide my last seen and my profile picture on whatsapp he calls me to see if I have blocked him.

Yes he can take you to.court even if he isn't on the birth certificate. However given his lack of effort as a father he might not want to spend the money or.time taking you to court. But yiu say he was abusive, and my experience is that those type.of.people go further to almost get revenge. So I just would advise to cover yourself and keep all of that evidence. Keep it child focused. Hopefully he just disappears, possibly reappear in a few more years, but either way you need evidence to show pattern of behaviour and unreliability.

Then why choose to have a child with someone like this???

Put some boundaries in place and be assertive. He is NOT to come to your house.

If he wants to see his son he can meet at a play centre once a fortnight. Turn up with your son and play. I'd he doesn't turn up then tough. He missed his chance.

I'm quite shocked you'd want him to take your son all day in the holidays given he is unreliable and creepy.

And start the CMS claim. They'll track him down.

So the only reason he is around is because he doesn't have a woman at the moment and he regards you as a shag opportunity. He has no interest in your son.

Create an email address especially for him. If he wants to see his ds, he can contact you in writing, agreed a date and location (away from your home, somewhere public) and show up. No need to tell your ds or get his hopes up.

Block your ex on all other channels. Block him on your ds' phone if he has one.