AIBU to block my child’s father

[AlertEagle]

I’ve been raising my child on my own since he was born. There’s never been any help from his father. He left when my son was 2.5years old and showed up 4 years later. He came back with lots of promises. He said he wants to build a bond with his son and be in his life. I agreed to let him see him.

He was flaky from the first day. My son waited for him all day to come spend the day together. He showed up late in the evening when I was putting my son to sleep and after he tried to have sex with me. Actually every time he comes he tries it on with me. I don’t love him anymore I don’t want to see him I’m only putting up with him for my son.

I’m on the verge of blocking him and going no contact. He promises my son he will come see him on the weekends and then doesnt show up. My son cries and it affects his well being at school a lot. This half term I asked him to help with childcare and look after him so I don’t have to spend money on holiday clubs his excuse was he was going on a holiday. He said he will come and see his son. It’s Thursday and he hasn’t made any plans to see him yet. Half term finishes in 3 days I really feel like blocking and never let him back again. Please share any experiences or advice it’s much needed.

This best outcome for the child would be you holding strong boundaries and unless he has a proper plan and is committed and goes through court (he won’t) block him. Have your standards and expectations of him high. I went through the same. My ex went on and had three kids but he was from a different class and his wife doesn’t work, although he earns well above average. He moved and had children without notifying my son. I do know his address as I order copies of the kids birth certificates when they were born. I was devalued and put down lots and made out my child would be a failure without his flaky Father. Now I’m in the dilemma my son is 18 off to a top university for a highly competitive course and am certain this will be his family’s highest achiever I toyed with writing to him telling him the good news but then I think he’s out of our lives and if he googles his son just make him look as silly and inept as possible coming back after hiding for 18 years plus, so he won’t do that. His other children aren’t likely to be high achievers, this guy throws people out his house for different opinions so intellectual debate would be curtailed, his wife has no option but to stay as she’s no money or career, this guy would leave you stranded in the countryside if you passingly smiled at a Muslim as he hates them, then have a temper tantrum because you don’t air kiss him on arrival to a Toby Carvery (as that’s how he believes the middle class conduct themselves). It’s madness and he was from a council scheme and I was from a solidly middle class educated home. Life is better without these men. There’s plenty single parents with completely absent fathers in my family their kids are Drs, PhD, Oxbridge graduates, vets, lawyers. These Dads don’t even attend their weddings and try and reconnect and when their children don’t jump write them out their will. You are not there to indulge an inadequate man and don’t let him slag off single mothers to emotionally blackmail you, he doesn’t give a toss about the child otherwise he’d step up to his responsibilities and duties, like you do.

I doubt he would take me to court to be honest, yes I always keep all conversations regarding my child I really wished he didn’t come back.

Tell him he clearly doesn't give a shit about his kid and it's cruel to pretend he wants to be a dad when he's really just trying to use your son for a chance to fuck you so you're done watching him break your son's heart and if he ever decides he actually wants to be a father and not just use a child to get his leg over then he should feel free to contact you.

I’m so glad to hear about your son, I want my son to be successful too. Sadly I believe if I let his dad come and go as he pleases my son would start picking up from him and become the same as him. For example when he came to see him on the first day he was giving me a bit of an attitude and my son picked on it and started doing the same thinking it was funny, now I always have to correct my son not to talk back and give me attitude.

He does have a gf at the moment and more kids with her.

I saw a something of a psychologist recently and it said children do better when the Mother does not entertain them popping in and out with inconsistencies. I get it even dating an inconsistent man leaves you feeling insecure so you can imagine how a child feels. You’re doing the right thing and many children from single parent home do exceptionally well and please believe that it’s perfectly possible.

you need to say that his inconsistency is making your son upset and causing him distress and that there will be no more contact due to this. if he wants to see his son he can do it through the proper legal channels ie court order with set dates and times. i guarantee he probably wont bother if he was more worried about his own holiday and trying to sleep with you and letting your son down. you are better to not allow him in your life.

This man actually sounds scary and i’d be uncomfortable with him knowing where you live. Can you move?

This thread is a year old, folks.

You are replying to a thread that is from May, last year.