To text my Ex? (This one is different)

[PoliteSpud]

I want to get back in touch with my Ex to tell him how amazing he is.

I have been secretly obsessed with my Ex since I ended it with him a few weeks ago. Ex is so fanciable but he had a load of crazy that I could not deal with - there seemed to be a drama in every direction - it was all just A Lot. I have my own share of drama without someone else’s so I said Thanks and Bye. We hadn’t been together long - not much more than a couple of months.

Last week I worked out my Ex has now reported his childhood abuser. The abuser is a local community figure and I found out he’d been arrested for historic abuse through Facebook (and the police confirm man X age Y job arrested). This abuser had a huge impact on my Ex: so much of his adult life has been damaged (particularly relationships).

AIBU to reach out to Ex to tell him he is so brave? Is it tokenistic? I want to say something nice but i am not sure if me knowing some details (which I do) will make Ex feel vulnerable. Also, there’s the fact that I fancy him and am not neutral.

YABU - stay away, Ex needs peace and not people who dumped him ambivalently
YANBU - it’s nice to have support, message him

YABU, but not just for the reasons you mention (add in the load of crazy, drama and the fact you were only seeing him for a couple of months). It’s commendable of course but don’t go back there.

Leave the poor man in peace.

He’s going to be in a difficult place if he has reported an abuser. Bringing a whole load of drama back into his life won’t help.
Usually, texting an ex isn’t a good idea. There are some exceptions when you’ve both reflected with time apart and you both think you can work things out and build a future together. This isn’t one of them.
Leave him alone to process what’s happened without giving him yet more stress to deal with.

You don't even know if he has reported it - getting back in touch to say well done for something he hasn't felt able to do could be even worse for him.

No dont do that, imagine if someone else had reported him and not your ex and yoou are saying how they are really brave. It will make him feel terrible

Leave him alone. He’s got enough going on.

No. I doubt he wants other people to know.

Wanting to text him is for you not for him. Just leave him alone.

Don't bri g any more drama into an already difficult time for him.

No. Don't.

If uebwants you to know, he is quite capable of texting you. I think you should leave well alone.

This would just be reigniting the drama tbh.

He would have told you, if he wanted you to know.

Leave him alone.

Yabu. Leave the poor guy alone. He's going through alot right now, hearing from you is the last thing he needs.

OK - this seems unanimous.

I do think he is amazing though. I’ll keep that to myself.

No I wouldn’t, it wasn’t working for you so it won’t now, he may find it awkward to talk about his personal life, you are a fling not a good friend or family member, perhaps he’s already dating someone else.

Good decision. You dumped him, leave him be.

He’s not an ex he is a guy you dated for a few weeks. Why you know all this about him too is beyond me.

Delete his number and move on.

Well, I think as I dumped him he might not approach me. The abuse has really messed him up which he knew, but part of that has to do with rejection. I wanted to let him know I think he is great.

You’re not seeing how that might be mixed messages subsequent to a dumping? Particularly as he’s probably in a very vulnerable state, having just reported his abuser?

We were friends before we dated. He confided in me because we were close. I encouraged him to rebuild (although I hadn’t said anything about going to the police).

Obviously I see it is complex - that’s why I started the thread and suggested exactly that.

If you ended amicably and have both agreed to stay in touch then a message I think is a kind thing to do. But not if it will open a whole can of worms.

unlikely that the abuser only offended against one child.
another victim could have reported
butt out and stop trying to make yourself the centre of a "drama"

Pretty sure I am not trying to make myself the centre of anything. I started a thread to consider Ex’s feelings.

You are a horrible emotional vampire it's none of your business and not a cause for celebration

You sound crazy and not the good crazy.

Super weird response. Absolutely no celebration - I think you may have missed the point that this is a very brave thing for him to have done. So yes, he is amazing whether or not I tell him so. P