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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends partner about possible engagement.

41 replies

Wholesomelonesome · 29/05/2025 12:08

My friend and I have been with our respective partners for 12 years this year.
We actually met through the men and have grown to become best friends.
Since then, (let’s call friends Julie and Michael) Julie and Michael have had 3 amazing children and bought a house.
Such a beautiful family.

My DH and I are celebrating 5 years of marriage next year. We are having a small celebration and I know ‘their song’ will definitely be performed, as we are having a tribute act of a musician we all love.
I think my friend would LOVE to get engaged/ proposed to, to this song.
Should I mention to her DP, or mind my beeswax?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 29/05/2025 12:10

Don't involve yourself

Is the song called "If he wanted to he would" because she should hear that

Cynic17 · 29/05/2025 12:13

Absolutely not. This is a cringeworthy idea, and incredibly interfering.
If they want to get married (because "getting engaged" is actually meaningless), then they will do so in their own good time.

nomas · 29/05/2025 12:13

YABU, you could be stepping into a minefield.

Do you even know if your friend wants to get married?

Is she is a SAHM I would advise her to get married.

minipie · 29/05/2025 12:13

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2025 12:10

Don't involve yourself

Is the song called "If he wanted to he would" because she should hear that

This. Do you really think the reason he hasn’t proposed is because he’s never thought about it? And it’ll just take a suggestion from you for him to think “oh yes! Knew I’d forgotten something!”

Tell your friend you’re playing their song and maybe she can propose to him.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/05/2025 12:15

No, definitely not.

Lmnop22 · 29/05/2025 12:15

Don’t get involved!

If he was going to propose he would have done so already before three children and 12 years had passed.

He will think his partner has put you up to it and could cause issues for them or he will feel he has to explain his life choices to you, which he doesn’t.

I know you mean well, but some things are just best left to those in the relationship in my opinion

Bluevelvetsofa · 29/05/2025 12:15

If you suggest this to her partner and he has no intention of proposing, it will damage your relationship with the couple, because you’ll both feel uncomfortable and he’ll either feel obliged or run a mile.

If he does intend to propose, then he may want to do it at a time and place of his choosing.

HonoriaBulstrode · 29/05/2025 12:21

Julie and Michael have had 3 amazing children and bought a house.
Such a beautiful family.

But in twelve years the two of them have never had a conversation about marriage?

Loopytiles · 29/05/2025 12:25

Not your business, even if Michelle has confided in you that she wishes to get married.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 29/05/2025 12:26

Nope, stay out of it!

RampantIvy · 29/05/2025 12:27

I'm with everyone else. It really is none of your business I'm afraid.

I hope your friend is financially independent because if they split up or anything happens to her partner she is not next of kin and won't be entitled to anything at all.

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/05/2025 12:33

It's a hard no, OP

Pancakeflipper · 29/05/2025 12:34

Oh God, NO

Blarn · 29/05/2025 12:35

No! Don't even make the slightest hint about it, incredibly awkward for all.

NewBinBag · 29/05/2025 12:35

Omg NO.

Schweden · 29/05/2025 12:37

Second hand embarrassment off the scale here.
You want your friend's partner to hijack your anniversary party to propose to her. I would be utterly mortified if a friend of mine did this to me.
In your shoes, I would be asking the tribute band NOT to play 'their' song.

sweetpickle2 · 29/05/2025 12:37

Maybe they've already spoken about marriage and decided it's not for them?

Very embarrassing idea, please don't do this.

Injectingalittleluxury · 29/05/2025 12:38

You can’t tell someone to propose. Mind your own business.

TokyoSushi · 29/05/2025 12:38

More than a million % NO!!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 29/05/2025 12:40

Definitely stay out of it, if he hasn't proposed yet he probably doesn't want to. It's in incredibly poor taste to get engaged at someone else's celebration anyway, even if you approve they will likely want their own, perhaps private, moment.

Mauro711 · 29/05/2025 12:41

No, absolutely don't do that. If they have been together for 12 years and not got married yet it's not due to lack of opportunity. Also, they may not want to get engaged at another couples anniversary party.

Duh · 29/05/2025 12:42

God no!

What a strange thought process…

BobbyBiscuits · 29/05/2025 12:43

'I think you should propose to her at my party'?

I can't imagine why he would suddenly decide to do so just because there's a chance the DJ might play a song they like?

Please don't say anything. It's not your place to try and force someone to get married?!

Pollqueen · 29/05/2025 12:43

Lord no

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 29/05/2025 12:43

Mauro711 · 29/05/2025 12:41

No, absolutely don't do that. If they have been together for 12 years and not got married yet it's not due to lack of opportunity. Also, they may not want to get engaged at another couples anniversary party.

This!
Most people would consider it rude to get engaged at an event that's about another couple, and after 12 years they must want to just stay boyfriend and girlfriend. If they wanted to, they would have already married.