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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about wedding accomodation allocation

33 replies

anotherpyjamaday · 28/05/2025 23:42

Genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable or whether I should say something!
Husband's nephew is getting married in August. Over a year ago a group chat was set up asking about who needed accommodation booking at the cost of £150 per night. We put our names down for this as the venue is an hour away from where we live and it's always nice to stay together as family, have breakfast together etc.
We've just found out that we've been allocated a room in a hotel which is separate from the venue (about 5 mins away in a taxi) when everyone else in the family has been allocated rooms at the venue. When I googled the hotel I saw that I could book a room there for the same night of the wedding for £90 however we have already paid the £150 directly to the couple getting married as they have block booked all the accomodation.
Am I being unreasonable to feel unhappy about this? Should we speak to our nephew about it or just let it be and enjoy the day?

OP posts:
stonebrambleboy · 28/05/2025 23:49

I'd definitely speak to the nephew.

CaramelGhost · 28/05/2025 23:50

Absolutely speak up.

Devianinc · 28/05/2025 23:52

No, I’d ask for my money back and not go. How disrespectful and how dare she allocate any of your funds for something you haven’t asked and booked. Wedding couples are from another planet.

DelphiniumBlue · 28/05/2025 23:52

If it's your husbands nephew, then he could tell him that you see the room at x hotel is only £90 and that presumably some of the difference will be for the taxis from the wedding and back in the morning for breakfast, and for the cost of breakfast at the hotel with everyone else. Ask if they are booking the taxis and can they confirm about the breakfasts so that that there's no problem on the day.
If they answer that positively, then that will probably cover most of the difference between £90 and £150.

HeddaGarbled · 28/05/2025 23:53

My guess is they had more people wanted accommodation than they were expecting, so have found you somewhere else. That will have been a bit stressful for them, so I wouldn’t be stroppy about it, but I might politely enquire about a £60 refund once the wedding and honeymoon is over.

Thunderpants88 · 29/05/2025 00:01

I would text and say “hey DN excited for your big day. Thanks for arranging accommodation. We thought we would be in the venue with everyone else, I’m guessing there isn’t enough space so we will pass thanks. Would you be able to fire me back the £150 please here are my bank details”

then book your own accommodation where ever you want

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 29/05/2025 00:16

I’m at the point in my life where no one tells me where I’m gonna sleep 😆 you should join me here! It’s great. In this situation I would (get DH to, as it’s his side) say ‘ok thanks for letting me know our allocation. It doesn’t suit us so we’ll find our own accommodation - please can we have our £150 back. Here are my details. See you at the wedding! Exciting!’

BrummieGinge889 · 29/05/2025 00:27

Yeah screw that. I'd ask for money back. Might as well drive home or book it yourself.

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/05/2025 00:55

Plenty time until the wedding. Message whichever of the happy couple you sent the money to and say that you're going to organise your own accommodation as they haven't been able to fit you into the venue. Do you still want to stay over?

Vaxtable · 29/05/2025 01:04

I would contact the nephew and let him know about the difference in price as they have chosen to put you elsewhere and tell him that you consider the difference his wedding present

Cappuccinosisters · 29/05/2025 01:50

Are you sure about the price difference OP?
Sometimes the cheaper accommodation prices advertised by hotels don’t include breakfast, don’t allow cancellation etc. The price is often a good bit higher when these extras are included. Or could the room types be different?

Either way, it’s odd that they have booked you somewhere else if there’s room in the hotel. A recent cancellation possibly?

Original poster
anotherpyjamaday · 29/05/2025 07:08

Thanks so much for all of your comments. It's good to have some advice about how to approach this. To answer a couple of questions- breakfast is included in the £90 google price and we would be driving anyway so no taxi is needed. The rooms at the wedding venue are definitely nicer than the one we've been allocated.
I understand that it's stressful to accommodate everyone and that numbers can change but we were some of the first to request and pay for the room on the group chat.

OP posts:
Tbrh · 29/05/2025 07:09

Thunderpants88 · 29/05/2025 00:01

I would text and say “hey DN excited for your big day. Thanks for arranging accommodation. We thought we would be in the venue with everyone else, I’m guessing there isn’t enough space so we will pass thanks. Would you be able to fire me back the £150 please here are my bank details”

then book your own accommodation where ever you want

Just say something like this

Tbrh · 29/05/2025 07:10

Vaxtable · 29/05/2025 01:04

I would contact the nephew and let him know about the difference in price as they have chosen to put you elsewhere and tell him that you consider the difference his wedding present

Don't do this. Omg some people 🤣

CaptainFuture · 29/05/2025 07:13

Thunderpants88 · 29/05/2025 00:01

I would text and say “hey DN excited for your big day. Thanks for arranging accommodation. We thought we would be in the venue with everyone else, I’m guessing there isn’t enough space so we will pass thanks. Would you be able to fire me back the £150 please here are my bank details”

then book your own accommodation where ever you want

Definitely this!

beAsensible1 · 29/05/2025 07:24

And the £90 is for a double occupancy and is available on the dates?

I often think that hotel says they’ve offered a good rate for a group booking and it’s always more expensive. They’re very cheeky

RareGoalsVerge · 29/05/2025 07:29

It's reasonable to ask for the £60 difference in price back

It's unreasonable to be miffed about being bumped to a different building - It's not like you are going to be one of the closest family members and they can't magic up more bedrooms at the venue.

aCatCalledFawkes · 29/05/2025 07:29

Just from another POV I found organising stuff like this when I got married just awful, trying to keep everyone happy.
Do you think they have put you there because they think that you are easier to please than some of the other guests? Also as your driving it's easier for you for you to be a bit further away?
Defo ask for your money back tough

Y2ker · 29/05/2025 07:36

aCatCalledFawkes · 29/05/2025 07:29

Just from another POV I found organising stuff like this when I got married just awful, trying to keep everyone happy.
Do you think they have put you there because they think that you are easier to please than some of the other guests? Also as your driving it's easier for you for you to be a bit further away?
Defo ask for your money back tough

They didn't have to do this though. They could have just told guests the accommodation options and got them to book themselves.

Namechangedasouting987 · 29/05/2025 07:37

Seriously I can't see the big deal. They tried to help family out by organising rooms. There weren't enough. They have found you somewhere else, hardly any distance away.
Leave your car at the hotel you are staying in..get a cab to wedding and back (or drive if not both drinking). Drive over for breakfast the next day.
If you are really worried about £60 and 2 x 5 min taxi rides, and a breakfast then take account of that privately in their gift.
Priority would have gone to both sides immediate family, wedding party members (best man, bridesmaids, ushers etc) and close friends. I wouldn't expect to be given top priority in my nephew's wedding plans.
Enjoy the free food and disco and the wedding

Viviennemary · 29/05/2025 07:42

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/05/2025 00:55

Plenty time until the wedding. Message whichever of the happy couple you sent the money to and say that you're going to organise your own accommodation as they haven't been able to fit you into the venue. Do you still want to stay over?

I think you should say you might not stay the night after all as it's not at the venue. Could they please send you a refund. They sound have absolutely asked you first if it was ok before they booked it.

GRex · 29/05/2025 07:42

I would book the £90 room, then contact DN to say "Hi, great news, we happened to spot a cancellation available at the hotel for your wedding for £90 so we booked it. Are you able to get a refund on the £150 room, or allocate it to anyone else still looking? X"

Ylylyll · 29/05/2025 07:45

I wouldn’t even add you found online that it’s cheaper - that being put in a separate hotel doesn’t suit you is fine and they can transfer back the funds. You can then choose where you want to stay and book if you don’t want to drive home.

It’s his nephew, there will be closer family (plus their friends) that will take priority over first come first serve.

Sauvin · 29/05/2025 07:48

RareGoalsVerge · 29/05/2025 07:29

It's reasonable to ask for the £60 difference in price back

It's unreasonable to be miffed about being bumped to a different building - It's not like you are going to be one of the closest family members and they can't magic up more bedrooms at the venue.

Agree with this. You can question the price difference but not the fact you’re somewhere different. They’ve probably had a nightmare trying to accommodate everyone. Uncle of the groom isn’t necessarily a priority.

BeatrizBoniface · 29/05/2025 07:50

It's not "stressful" to accommodate people. If it's too much, then don't organise it as part of the wedding. You don't treat people like that, and getting married doesn't mean you have to be thoughtless.
I'm wondering if the whole accommodation thing is one of those deals where there's a financial benefit to the couple? I've come across that before. Contact them and say you'll pay £90, which is fair.
Going to a wedding shouldn't be like this.