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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fed up of hearing about friend's pregnancy and new baby?

35 replies

pugglesnuggle · 21/05/2008 11:06

Friend has just decided to start ttc for another baby, she already has a 6 year old dd.

But she is driving me mad. Firstly, she keeps going on about ?when the baby is born? then yesterday she talked about taking her dd out of after school activities because of not having time to fit all that in with a new baby as well.

She keeps talking about all the things she?ll be able to eat soon and her conversation doesn?t include anything that isn?t about pregnancy and the new baby.

I know she?s excited but she?s not even pregnant yet.

Ibu?

OP posts:

GordontheGopher · 21/05/2008 11:08

I'm guessing she probably didn't have any problems conceiving her first. Maybe after a few months of trying she'll calm down a bit. YANBU.

Original poster

pugglesnuggle · 21/05/2008 11:13

that's just the thing she did. It took her 4 years to conceive her dd. She has very iregular periods and is hugely overweight which is probably a contributing factor to her fertility.

So I can't help feeling she is setting herself up for a massive fall when it doesn't happen.

OP posts:

posieflump · 21/05/2008 11:14

ah bless her, she just sounds excited.
If you are a good friend surely you don't mind listening for a little bit? She'll soon move on to something else? what do you talk about?

thelittlestbadger · 21/05/2008 12:03

Maybe she's just trying to convince herself it will all be much easier this time. I don't think YABU but you'll have to wait until she calms down (and pick up the pieces it if takes ages again)

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 21/05/2008 12:25

I think YAB a bit U and a bit mean spirited, she is excited and anxious and obviously needs support, if she is facing these problems she needs you with her not against her!

BigTummyMummy · 21/05/2008 12:28

YABU, she is very excited and is sharing with you as a friend (perhaps she doesn't feel that she can talk about it with anyone else like relatives or colleagues until it happens). BTW what friend calls another friend "hugely overweight" on the internet????!!!

KristinaM · 21/05/2008 12:29

puggle - have you forgotten what its like?

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 21/05/2008 12:30

It's on her mond alot, so she is talking about it alot, just go with it for a while these things rarely last too long, it will be replaced by new interests....

... such as weaning, and what pram to buy.

OK I change my mind ditch her. Once you've finshed with babies, other poepls baby converastion does get dull.

belgo · 21/05/2008 12:30

sounds like she's trying to thinking positively. Humour her, and be there for her if it doesn't happen in the way she's hoping.

2point4kids · 21/05/2008 12:31

YABU
She probably hasnt told anyone else yet and all of her excitement is being held inside most of the time so she feels she can let it out around you.
She'll calm down soon enough!

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 21/05/2008 12:33

havin re read you post, i have to ask, are you TTC/struggling TTC? as you seem quite bitter about your friend?

I only ask as i am TTC and find myself talking of it quite often, but would be horrified if my friend thought this lowly of me and spoke so meanly...infact to be blunt you've not made yourself sound like a very nice friend at all... particularly with the hugely overwieght comment!!

Original poster

pugglesnuggle · 21/05/2008 12:35

she isn't just sharing with me. She has told everyone that they are going to try for a baby, has spoken to her employers about changing her hours when the baby arrives, and has even told her dd that she is going to be having another baby. Something which has left her dd very confused as she apparently told her teacher and all her friends that her mummy is having another baby and teacher congratulated friend on her pregnancy and friend had to set teacher straight.

So this isn't just a bit of excitement and sharing with someone who will listen, it's affecting everything she does.

And why is it wrong to say she is massively overweight? She is. She is 5 ft and weighs approximately 20 stone. She knows she is very overweight, it's not something that others just say about her she knows it and knows she has to do something about it.

OP posts:

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 21/05/2008 12:38

but cant you see that it shows she is desperate, she need sympathy and gentle reality check, how do you know she isnt trying to loose weight already? some people do find it hard to shift weight, you really dont sound much of a freiend at all!

MamaG · 21/05/2008 12:39

I think you're beign mean actually, don't know why you have to describe her weight

Glad you're not my friend

2point4kids · 21/05/2008 12:40

Do you think she could be pregnant already just not 12 weeks yet and this is her way of talking about it without having to admit to it until a scan?

belgo · 21/05/2008 12:40

pugglesnuggle - if you are genuinely concerned for your friend, then there is absolutely nothing that you can do.

I'm sure she's well aware that she's overweight and that may effect her fertility. Maybe she's trying to do something about it, maybe she's trying to desperately hope there won't be a problem this time.

All you can do, as her friend, is to be there for her and support her if she encounters problems TTC.

belgo · 21/05/2008 12:41

oh and I wouldn't be happy if my 'friend' put details of my weight and height on the intenet.

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 21/05/2008 12:42

maybe this is a troll thread? i find it hard to believe anyone could really be that callous when referring to someone they describe as a friend. I second MamaG im glad you're not my friend, im a bit plump and TTC so this has struck a chord with me, but its more than the similarities that have got me on this one... i simply would not be so mean spirited to someone i considered a friend!!

Turniphead1 · 21/05/2008 12:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

3725Hayley · 21/05/2008 12:45

I think you are being a bit mean about it. Surely this is what a friendship is about, and if a friend of mine posted something like this on the net I would be really upset.

If your worried about her telling everyone and making plans too early, try talking to her about it, in a nice way.

edam · 21/05/2008 12:46

I think you are being very mean. It might make you a bit uncomfortable to see her getting carried away before anything has even happened but so what? You just have to deal with it and carry on.

A friend of mind was having her umpteenth cycle of fertility treatment when I conceived ds. I was nervous about telling her in case it was upsetting. In fact she got really excited and started talking about our babies being the same age and everything we could do together. Made me feel quite awkward because I was thinking 'hang on...' but there is no way on earth I could ever have said anything like that.

3725Hayley · 21/05/2008 12:47

Let's hope for her sake that the 'friend' is not on MN today.

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 21/05/2008 12:50

If she hasnt just told you ,if she has told others then i dont see what your issue is, she is doing things her own way, maybe she is thinking that the positivity around TTC will help her, maybe she thought people would be pleased witht the news and friends would support her!!

VictorianSqualor · 21/05/2008 12:57

When I was TTC I had discussed it with my DD and she told the teacher, who too congratulated me and had to be put straight, but what DD had said was true, we were going to have a baby, just not yet.

Maybe she has spent the last few years desperately wanting another baby but only just got the go-ahead from her DP?

Either way, yes, I think you're being unreasonable.

wannaBe · 21/05/2008 12:59

actually I can sort of see where op is coming from as I know someone who is doing this atm.

Her dh has just agreed to ttc again after being adament that he didn't want any more children and atm it's all she can talk about. And like op's friend, she is talking about when the baby is born/buying a new cot matrass/decorating the nursery. And she has decided not to allow her ds to do any other activities because of how the new baby is going to affect him. And no, she is not pregnant yet - she was even in the playground yesterday talking about how her period is due soon so she can start ttc in ernest after that (and this a playground full of mums and dads and children) and I was a good way away from her so it was by no means a discrete conversation .

I think she is overwhelmed by the excitement of ttc, as she had believed for so long that she wouldn't be having another baby, so while I can totally see the excitement I do feel a bit when she talks as if it's already happened, because I do think she's setting herself up for a massive fall if it doesn't happen (she's had difficulty ttc in the past). And yes, this particular person is a bit unbalanced in other areas which is why I'm scared that if she falls, she will fall hard, iyswim?

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