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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That I'm annoyed with a parent for no warning about no nappies???

40 replies

3725Hayley · 21/05/2008 08:46

I am a CM who has just had a two year old arrive (I only mind him 1 day a week).

The mum just announced that he is in pants now, but since he started two days ago he has not weed in the potty once, and yesterday he had to be changes 8 times!!!!

The reason I am annoyed is that I had no prior warning of this and I have a really bust day planned (which is the same every week, so not like the mum doesn't know).

I am going to another CM's for playdate, but how can I now, if child will wee all over her house. Also have a swimming lesson in the afternoon for one of the other kids, so means a trip in the car etc.

Clearly not the best day for me to spend potty training!!!! (angry)

The mum also told me clearly that she didn't want him back in nappies, as all the hard work would be undone, so I am stuck with it now.

OP posts:
2shoes · 21/05/2008 08:49

how odd yanbu as it sounds like he is so not ready.

saltire · 21/05/2008 08:54

I had this once . The mother turned up one day with child who was by that time 3, i'd been minding him since he was 6 months old. She said that they had decided to stop putting pull-ups on him and just have him in pants. Excpet there was no change of clothes at all. So by 10am child had pee'd about 6 times all over his clothes, carpet etc. he didn't say when he wanted to go and eventually poor wee soul was running round in a t-shirt becasue I had run out of my own supply of clean trousers and pants

So no, YANBU

eidsvold · 21/05/2008 08:57

what hard work - seems like she has arbitrarily decided he is 2 and needs to be toilet trained. Eight times yesterday does not show any signs of toilet training/idea.

totally nbu.

eidsvold · 21/05/2008 08:58

the hard work comment was to the mother saying she did not want him back in nappies as all the hard work would be undone!

GordontheGopher · 21/05/2008 09:01

I think that's ludicrous. You are not being able to do your job properly i.e. going out and about. I'd put him in nappies today and just say it is not acceptable.

BabiesEverywhere · 21/05/2008 09:05

Have you considered using cloth trainer pants with him ?

That way the child will not be back in nappies plus (if you get waterproof ones) no visible accidents when you are out and about, hence limit the amount of clear up needed ?

Worth suggesting to the mum.

belgo · 21/05/2008 09:07

It sounds like she wants you to do all the hard work for her!

I don't think he's ready to be potty trained if he hasn't yet used the potty.

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 09:09

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StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 09:10

This reply has been deleted

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cluckyagain · 21/05/2008 09:13

Honestly I would have a word with the mum and say that she needs to have a re-think as it's seriously impacting on your time with the other children - it's not acceptable. You can say it nicely but firmly! Trainer pants or alternatively, she needs to give the first week a go on her own at some point and only expect you to carry on with him once he's mostly dry.

CaptainUnderpants · 21/05/2008 09:16

From having two boys and you know no doubt know this already a boy at 2 is very unlikey to be ready for toilet training.

Where I work we had one parent turn up and say child was now in pants , she did provide a bag of sapre clothing - one pair of trousers and numerous tee shirts !

Original poster
3725Hayley · 21/05/2008 09:19

The child is 2 1/2, so around the right sort of time for potty training, but a complete pain that I got zero notice!!!

Having to re-plan my day now, and will explain to the mum later that I had to do this and what a pain it was.

OP posts:
CaptainUnderpants · 21/05/2008 09:22

Fair enough 2.5 , what a pain for you . hope it works ut with parent

NotABanana · 21/05/2008 09:24

What hard work? YANBU. Would have been nice if she had discussed it with you first. Have you got any girls pants you can put on him? She might get the message that you aren't a shop with an infinate supply of clothes.

amner · 21/05/2008 09:36

YANBU. Ask her for some more money to compensate for the extra washing etc.

ipanemagirl · 21/05/2008 09:37

YANBU!! She needs to consult with you, she could do that if you were only looking after that child!
She should get a nanny if she wants to dictate things like that! She needs to consult!

missblythe · 21/05/2008 09:38

Hard work? She hasn't done anything, just taken his nappy off.

Stupid woman!

ChopsTheDuck · 21/05/2008 09:44

just from another perspective, it is a bit hard to give warning. Mine have all potty trained when they suddenly decided they were ready - ages ranged from my dd at 20 mnths to my youngest who held out til 3.4 years. It wasn't really something I could have planned to be convinient to me or anybody else. Though I did keep them off preschool for the first few days until they were reasonably reliable.

belgo · 21/05/2008 09:53

yes, but if they are ready, chopstheduck, then taht's not really a problem. But it doesn't sound like this little boy is ready - 8 accidents yesterday and not used the potty once since potty training started!

DD1'S creche potty trained her I think at about 23 months - at least I didn't potty train her so I assume the creceh did - she was dry in one day. No way would I have persevered with 8 accidents in one day.

Clairef29 · 21/05/2008 09:54

I agree, YANBU. If he was ready for potty training he would be indicating as such. I tried at 20 months with my DD purely cos of pressure from other people; you know how it is. However caused lots of upset and stress so abandoned idea. Only 3 months later DD gave me indications she was ready for it herself by telling me when her nappy was wet and wanting to use potty so no stress or upset at all. And very few accidents! She really should wait till hes ready, save all the hassle and endless changes.

schmoopoo · 21/05/2008 10:10

i hate to say it would anytime be a good time for you. my dd had a week of accidents and then was dry

mamablue · 21/05/2008 10:53

It does sound like she is leaving you to do the hard work for her. All those accidents does not sound like he is ready at all. Can you come up with an alternative arrangement ie. pull up pants with extra time devoted to encouraging him to use the toilet/potty? If you had no prior warning she was going to do this then YANBU.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 21/05/2008 11:44

I also don't think its good that he's weeing all over your carpet several times a day. When my dd was little I did potty training when I had a week off work. Ok, so it wasn't my idea of fun spending a week's holiday chasing her around with a potty and mopping up wee but I didn't think it was fair to expect someone else to do it (and the someone else was my mum, not a cm).

If a child is ready to be potty trained then after a week of intensive pottying they shouldn't be having that many accidents.

yanbu

TinkerbellesMum · 21/05/2008 11:54

YANBU

Tink has been telling me when she was wet and giving me her wet nappy since she was 15 months, but I wasn't sure it would be much use to try at that age. I've left her nappy off at home as much as possible since then. The last couple of weeks I've been putting her on the toilet during the day and she has learned where the muscles are that make her wee (funny to see her belly wiggle as she makes a wee come), I'm starting her with real nappy training pants, we're still having a couple of accidents (3 pairs the first day) but she's also doing quite a lot on he toilet too. However, whilst I may take the toilet seat with me to her grandparents houses and try to get her on it, I wouldn't dream of leaving her without a nappy in someone elses house!

Bless her she's started to get the step stool from the bathroom and take it to the WC when she's ready and back again to wash her hands. She's so proud of herself!

Poledra · 21/05/2008 11:56

YANBU as she has given you no warning and there has been no discussion about this. My 2.3yo dd is only just starting to realise what the potty is for, so my cm and I are using pull-ups but asking her if she needs and encouraging her to sit on the potty at every nappy change. We talk about each step and agree a course of action before we do anything!