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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age did it get easier?

43 replies

tangerinemagic · 26/05/2025 20:42

Inspired by another post on here about how many children to have…

I’ve got two boys (2 yr 8 mos and a 7 months old).

I replied to the OP saying it’s really hard having two but it’s what I personally wanted. Someone replied letting me know this is hardest phase. AIBU thinking they are mistaken as I’d been bracing myself for the hardest year being when they’re 1 and 3 years old?

I seem to think a 2 year old boy isn’t that much easier than a 3 year old but from my experience 15 months onwards is really tough, so DC2 is set to get harder and harder. Especially with me returning to work and them facing nursery lurgey this autumn. Was hellish last time around.

Yes they are wonderful and I’m blessed. A lot of the time stressed though. Tell me when being in the trenches ends per se.

OP posts:
summerscomingsoon · 26/05/2025 20:45

You sound like you're doing great. I would have loved 2 boys. 😀I've only got one ds and the hardest time for me was mid teens .

I think each stage had its challenges

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 20:52

I have exactly two years between mine (well, within a couple of days). For me the hardest part so far was when the baby started crawling until about nine months later when my toddler's impulse control improved. Between baby being 9 months and 18 months was super hard as she just kept trying to destroy everything he had and he kept trying to whack her. Once she could follow instructions on how to play and he could explain more to her it got a lot easier. They have just turned 2 and 4 so still time for it to all go wrong though (although they are currently very cute together and we have lovely days out with no issues regarding tantrums or listening etc).

BallerinaRadio · 26/05/2025 20:53

Honestly... It never ends the challenges just change 😂😂😂

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2025 20:54

It doesn't really get easier it just gets different.

Pollypockp · 26/05/2025 20:56

I had the same age gap, though boy then girl. Agree with your hypothesis that 1 and 3 is probably a bit trickier - especially the first few months of those ages. Though this might be because I personally find the 12-18 (ish) month bit the most challenging baby/toddler age.

My daughter has just turned two and I’d say things have been pretty easy and lots of fun for the last few months. It’s just incrementally been easier, especially since her speech has really taken off and they can play happily together most of the time.

I now have a newborn though, so can’t wait for 5, 3 and 1… 😂

NatalieH2220 · 26/05/2025 21:00

I have a 4yo and 8yo and find it much harder now than when my youngest was under 2.5 to be honest. Initially it was much easier but now they mostly bicker and wind each other up. I feel like a referee most of the time.

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 21:00

Honestly i've never found it hard. Teenage years excluded.

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 21:02

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 21:00

Honestly i've never found it hard. Teenage years excluded.

That's quite a big chunk 😂

JLou08 · 26/05/2025 21:02

With mine primary school age was lovely. It was busy as I went from pt to ft at work, they started activities as kids usually do at that age, had play dates, homework, parties, school events etc, but the children themselves were just a joy to be around. They understood and responded well to boundaries, I knew they'd be safe in the home (not left alone but different to a toddler needing an eye on them at all times so they don't get burnt or eat something they shouldn't) and they were developing personalities and becoming interesting little people I could have a chat with and enjoy doing activities with.

SisterMargaretta · 26/05/2025 21:03

About age 4 when they can entertain themselves a bit better. Then it's pretty good through the primary school years until you reach the teens. That's been my experience with two anyway.

PlumEagle · 26/05/2025 21:04

I have 2 boys coming up 18 months and 3 and a half and actually wouldn't say it's necessarily harder overall. There are times it's really intense but they also have a bit more in common, especially going out and about with them. Watching them develop their bond is really sweet too!

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 26/05/2025 21:05

Wracking my brains to try and remember when the hardest part was. I think it was probably when they were a baby and a 3 year old. Dd2 didn’t sleep at all, like it took her until she was 18 months to go more than 2 hours at a stretch. Dd1 had been a joy until she was 3 and then she turned into a massive winge bag just in time for DD2s arrival. They’re 17 and 20 now and great company.

TeenLifeMum · 26/05/2025 21:07

Hard in different ways. I loved my little dc but I’m enjoying early teens (dtds are 13 and a delight). Dd1 is 17 and I love our relationship but I must admit, I’m finding it hard to parent right. It feels like at any point we’ll need to navigate very hard things… relationship break up (she’s in a lovely relationship and it’s been 12 months but likely it’ll end and she’ll be devastated), uni - her grades are all over the place As and Cs… no idea what to advise. This bit is hard. But I also found pre school age cute but hard, barely recognised myself. But then I had 3 under primary age (love them but not sure I’d recommend twins).

Namechangedforspooky · 26/05/2025 21:08

Gets easier at school age time wise and sleep wise. Going into teenage years problems get more difficult to solve though and you realise you need to let them find their own path a bit, hard as that may be when it doesn’t align with your expectations

also the after school clubs are a killer if any of your kids do competitive sport to a reasonable standard. Teaching them resilience / dealing with failure is hard!

Tarantella6 · 26/05/2025 21:08

You're right, a 3 year old at top speed and a 1 year old that can't keep up is the hardest stage I think. As soon as the youngest can keep up they can do the same things more or less (especially as you have two boys)

Then it just depends if they like the same things 😉

ToasterFuckUP · 26/05/2025 21:09

Mine are 1 and just turned 4 (2.5 years between them) and things already feel so much easier!!

Baby is less glued to me, they will play together with less supervision. I can trust the older one more now not to hurt the younger one.

hyggetyggedotorg · 26/05/2025 21:10

In all honesty, my two DSs are now 27 & 24 and the hardest stage was under 10 for DS1 who has ASD & never for DS2!

I absolutely dreaded their teen years but both were absolutely fine & relatively stress free.

I now have a 13 year old DD & am waiting to see whether we can manage the same again 😁.

Wherehavetheyallgone · 26/05/2025 21:12

Honestly....most of mine are in their 20's now and it has got harder and harder. When they're small it's physically challenging due to lack of sleep, but most of daily life is under your own control. Mid childhood and teens is just crazily ferrying them about and trying to fit everything in. Early adulthood is full of worries you can't do anything about. Every stage is exhaustiing in its own way! Looking forward to my care home!

PorgyandBess · 26/05/2025 21:12

The only bit that’s hard (imo) is the sleep deprived years. So, for us, that was until the youngest was about 2. All the other phases were a doddle. And that includes the teenage years. In fact, they were some of the nicest.

We have 2 boys and we never allowed physical scrapping or tantrums. I despair when I see friends with boys who think they’re feral and should be allowed to behave like thugs.

Mightyhike · 26/05/2025 21:13

I have three DC and the hardest time was when they were 1, 3 and 5. It started getting easier when the youngest turned 3yo, and much easier when he turned 5yo. It's been fine since then, including the teenage years. They're now 15, 17 and 19.

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 21:13

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 21:02

That's quite a big chunk 😂

Show quote history

I got the feeling the OP was talking about childhood more. Teens also haven't been that bad for me

Covidwoes · 26/05/2025 21:14

Mine are 6 (nearly 7) and 4 now, and it is easier in a number of ways. No nappies, buggy etc, and I now just take a handbag out! They are also easier in restaurants. It’s still not relaxing, but they don’t try and escape a highchair every few minutes. 😂 My nearly 7 year old gives me attitude now, but at least I can reason with her (much harder with a 2 year old!). They also enjoy each other’s company (most of the time), so don’t always need me to be playing with them (which gives me more time to do household jobs!). I wouldn’t go back to the baby/young toddler days if you paid me!

ninjahamster · 26/05/2025 21:15

I think each age brings its own challenges. We had 4 in 6 years, the early years were busy but then you get the evenings when they’re in bed. Then they start school and that can brings its own challenges. Then the teens - we had 4 at 4 different schools at one point, that was chaos!
It was so much fun though, I miss them being at home.

Londonrach1 · 26/05/2025 21:16

Every stage has its pros and cons. Tbh your age is very easy if you get the sleep. I miss it so much. I found 3-5 the hardest stage. Aged 0-2 was easy and miss it so much. Got 8 year old now it's easy in some ways but also challenging in other ways....the teenager years sound hell according to my friends but I've no experience. It honestly depends on the child but each age has its pros and cons

Tiswa · 26/05/2025 21:17

Newborn was tough for me the fragility of it all.

then there was a lovely period for DD between 7 and 12
DS 6 and 9

then hormones hit and dear god teenagers are hard