Sorry it’s a long one but I’d really appreciate some honest advice and outside perspective.
My partner and I had an argument last night – it started after he came home from the pub (he’d had about 5 or 6 drinks) and wanted to order a takeaway. We couldn’t agree on what to get – I didn’t fancy what he suggested, and I didn’t want to leave the house to collect anything as I was about to shower. It felt like a small disagreement, but it escalated quickly. He said I always get my own way and he never gets what he wants.
He ended up grabbing his keys and driving off. I tried to stop him as I knew he’d been drinking, but I couldn’t follow him as our toddler was asleep upstairs. I panicked and called his mum for advice, hoping she might be able to help or calm things down. He came back about 10 minutes later – turns out he’d only driven to the local shop around 30 seconds down the road. I contacted his mum to let her know he was home safe, and thought it best to avoid any further discussions when he arrived home.
I will add he has always been against drink driving and won’t even drive after 1 drink normally, so this behaviour really shocked me.
This morning, he brought me flowers and apologised for how he reacted, but when I told him I’d called his mum, he completely lost it. He said I’d crossed a line and that I’d now damaged his relationship with his parents. For context, he is close to them, but has said before he finds it frustrating when they get too involved. He was especially angry that his dad has now cancelled plans with him and won’t speak to him because of what happened.
He has always had issues with alcohol (not an alcoholic, it just doesn’t agree with him as it can make him aggressive and emotional) It’s been a long time since anything like this has happened. He hardly drinks anymore since we had our child, and he really has tried hard to improve his relationship with alcohol. His parents are particularly upset because there have been issues in the past when he’s been drinking – it’s led to arguments with them and damage to their home. He also once punched a door in our house during an argument, so I think they’re just really upset and worried that things are slipping backwards.
He’s now ended our relationship and told me he doesn’t want to be around me right now. He’s asked me to leave the house for a night or two to give him space – but he wants our child to stay with him. I’ve never spent a night away from our toddler and I don’t feel comfortable with this as I want to keep things as normal as possible for them. I said I would go if it were just me, but I don’t think it’s right to separate like that without explanation or preparation.
I’ve already spoken to his mum and apologised for calling her – I even told her I’d overreacted – but she was lovely and said I should never feel bad for reaching out and that I could always call them. Still, I feel awful that it’s caused such tension between them, and I do feel partly responsible for getting his parents involved.
I just feel totally stuck and unsure what the right thing is. I never expected something so small to turn into this.
Was I unreasonable for calling his mum? Is he unreasonable for ending our relationship and blaming me for the issues caused?