To ask for child maintenance and nursery costs

[Sparklenote]

Seeking a sanity check please.

Ex recently left our family unit (another affair) and I now have a large mortgage and nursery fees to take care of. Mortgage is a separate issue (he’s refusing to also contribute anything there with no notice).

I have sole care of our toddler who he visits once a week with supervision due to safeguarding concerns - this is a private arrangement.

He thinks minimum CMS is fair and has added on an extra £100 to be ‘nice’.

I work four days a week and toddler is in nursery those four days. I am asking for half nursery costs on top of child maintenance which we always split 50/50 when living together. He can easily afford this plus his own rent with a lot left over. (I will be worse off as have the mortgage to bear but I do live in the house).

AIBU? Would you want more/less?
What about the joint mortgage?

Nope not fair but you don’t have much leverage. I’ve been a lone parent for 15 years, absolutely no money from ex ever. The best advice I can give is for you to get super focused on your career to maximise your potential

Again unless you are willing to disclose whether you are married or just cohabiting then this thread it really pointless.

Cohabiting and not married. Previously split all costs for everything 50/50 as have similar salaries.

@Sparklenote sadly this is a time to put your financial head on and try and separate that from all the hurt and betrayal that he has caused you. Your priority is to secure a home and financial future for you and your child and unless you have a financial rabbit in a hat to pull out, there is no way he is going to be persuaded to continue to fund your joint mortgage over the long term, especially in a situation where you feel there are safeguarding concerns to the level that you will only allow him a once week supervised visit. The house needs to go on the market asap ,whether or not you can persuade him to give you more than 50:50 of the equity I don’t know but you don’t want to be dragged into debt by trying to service an unaffordable mortgage and then potentially lose the house and your credit rating. These are the really expensive years before they start school, a reasonable and decent parent might see it that they should pay 50 :50 of the cost of raising your child but again, this is a man who you don’t feel is safe around your child, how many men will pay when they don’t get equal access ?

Haven't rtft

He's a total shitbag.

Speak to mortgage company ASAP and get it moved to an interest only mortgage most / all lenders will do this.
Then you need to get it on the market ASAP and start looking for somewhere smaller

I was in a similar boat, husband moved out and I was left paying the huge mortgage. Yes he is jointly liable but he would have happily let it default (as now lives with his Mum) and I didn’t want to impact my credit so had to pay the full amount alone. In the end, the bank reduced to interest only for 6 months (government mortgage charter, doesn’t impact your credit, might be worth looking into) and eventually we went to court, house was sold and split everything 50/50. He now doesn’t pay any CM as argued for joint custody of our 4 children but equally doesn’t pay 50% for clubs, trips, haircuts, phone bills etc for the children. Sigh.

People on here always say that the parent who has the child on those days is responsible for nursery costs. So if you get to the point where he has the child say 2 days a week, on those 2 days the nursery costs are his responsibility

He isn't paying part of the mortgage and has offer £100 over his child maintenence payment.
I don't see him miraculously paying nursery fees, mortgage or any more maintenance, especially if he has to have supervised contact with child

You need to put the house up for sale if you can't afford it.

I'm in this situation.

i claim UC and they pay back up to 85% of nursery fees which is a massive help.

Why can’t you sell the house and buy one in your own name? That way you can buy one within your budget?

These things take time though. If you have to go to court, could be 6-12 months.