Marriage based on a lie

[Strongerthanyesterdaynow]

I’m in thr early days of a separation.

I had known DH a number of years before getting together. At the time, his ex was pregnant and they were still living together….he promised she was an ex, told me all this stuff about it. I completely fell for it along with the lovebombing, told me they’d only slept together once and had been casually dating.

once our DC was born, the truth came out after a I started questioning his behaviou…they were planning to buy a house together before she even fell pregnant. And, I strongly suspect they were still together when their child was born and shortly after.

I have tried to stay with him in the years after this but I can’t.

Will the fact we got together based on his lies go against him in court…wouldn’t have gone near him if I knew the truth. I’d have ran a mile.

I had those feelings too when I was divorcing my abusive exh. Somehow, once it was all done and signed off those feeling went away and I realised I take pleasure in knowing I'm a decent human being and he isn't. His life has got even more messy since we split and mine has gone up and up and up. The kids no longer speak to him and life is calm and peaceful. That (and blocking him on everything) was all the revenge I needed really.

Could it go against you in court that you posted on here?
There's no proof of who you are unless your username is your actual name?!

If he's dishonest and abusive then by all means tell the court. But the fact he had another partner and cheated with you isn't illegal, nor is it that uncommon. They won't penalise him for it.

They were living together when you met. She was pregnant. Let me get this right, you believed him when he says they’d only slept together once? That is naivety in the extreme!

@Jk987
he told me they moved in together because she was pregnant….i know it sounds ridiculous but I’d known him for years, I didn’t think he’d lie like that.

Women shouldn’t be waiting to catch men out all the time

No, but also if something walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

So he was actually living with his pregnant girlfriend which he said was irrelevant because it was a one night stand and basically her fault she got pregnant. Which you thought sounded honest and honourable and he would make a great husband and father to your own child. Is that right?

Oh come on OP, he was literally living with a woman he got pregnant and you somehow believed this was the result of a one off shag? I wouldn’t call him a master manipulator here, he was probably in disbelief you believed that

Women shouldn’t be waiting to catch men out all the time

Sadly, the evidence shows time and time again that there are a lot of men who want to have their cake and eat it, and like to build another warm nest before leaving the old one.

I don't think you should be victim blamed for being in this situation, as the fault lies with the lying, cheating man for lying and cheating, but hopefully you might learn a bit from it about red flags, as well as the hard lesson that if you do choose a bad 'un, the system and the law won't come to your rescue or punish them.

OP first, as other posters have noted, it was extremely naive to have believed him, when he was living with his pregnant girlfriend when you got together. That is a pretty questionable set-up, even if what he said had been true. And you chose to decide that this questionable man would make a good life partner and father to your children. So you cant blame him entirely for those things.

Second - rather than think “he ruined my life”, look at the good things you have - your children.

Third - moving on and living your best life is best way forward. Deal with the divorce, then dont let him drag you down anymore, reclaim your life. Good luck OP.