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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with my boss. AIBU?

33 replies

BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 00:46

I work Monday to Friday in an office job. Today is Sunday (and a bank holiday). My boss texts me this morning saying there was an issue with something and that I had to log on. I was out at the time and she texts me 7(!!!) in a row. Then my husband called me and we had a long chat as he’s working away at the moment. Between being out and speaking to my husband, I didn’t see the messages for a while.

She seemed annoyed but I told her I could check in 30 mins, but I just had a feeling she was making more of a deal of something than was necessary. I didn’t say that, though, and was happy to have a little look incase it actually was an emergency.

I did what I needed to do and gave her the feedback that there was no issue on my end. But she pushed and asked me to contact other teams to have them check too. Again, these other teams also work Monday to Friday. She told me she I HAD to handle and keep checking the rest of the day because it was one of her children’s birthday.

One senior person got back to me and said there was no issue. And they seemed annoyed I had reached out. I had to wait 4 hours for their response. My entire Sunday afternoon, I spent by my laptop, refreshing emails and reaching out to as many people as possible because my boss said so. To note, my boss could have reached out and done the above checks. She did not need me to, other than the fact it was her daughter’s birthday.

anyway, I messaged my boss to say the issue was not an issue and everything was ok. She read it and didn’t reply.

I am furious. I wasted so much time. I hate my job and I’m so burnt out. Last time I was on anual leave, she messaged the entire time. I was looking forward to a break this weekend. I had to cancel my plans for the afternoon. I also burst into tears. AIBU considering it’s her child’s bday, should I have just been kind and got on with it? I think it’s the fact I was TOLD I had to handle it, rather than asking if I was able to. I feel like I’m a child.

OP posts:
Crazyclover · 26/05/2025 00:50

That’s crazy, do not respond to her or any other colleague outside of work hours because she will take the p!ss going forward- also ask her when do you get the time back or overtime pay for today?

she is a terrible manager who will burn herself right out doing this- if it was so urgent she should have done it herself!

TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 00:51

You're sending her mixed messages.

You quite understandably don't want this shit outside of work but instead of ignoring it, you're doing what she asks.

Calmly email her on Tuesday and set out your boundaries, based on your contract and JD.

Is she the top boss or does he have a line manager? If she does then copy them in too.

If she doesn't, then copy in your union rep and if you aren't part of a union, you need to join one pronto.

EBearhug · 26/05/2025 00:55

Do you get paid to be on-call? I assume not. I have my work phone on silent unless I'm on-call or it's work hours and I'm not on leave. If threy want me to be available outside my contracted hours, we can discuss changes to my contract and payment for it. I work in IT, so there is a need for 24/7 cover and out of hours work, but it's work and paid for.

I grew up on a farm, and I know there are some situations where it is all hands in deck, but most places don't have "cattle out" situations.

Original poster
BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 00:56

TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 00:51

You're sending her mixed messages.

You quite understandably don't want this shit outside of work but instead of ignoring it, you're doing what she asks.

Calmly email her on Tuesday and set out your boundaries, based on your contract and JD.

Is she the top boss or does he have a line manager? If she does then copy them in too.

If she doesn't, then copy in your union rep and if you aren't part of a union, you need to join one pronto.

Honestly, I know. I feel like she threw in the word ‘emergency’ and then told me it was her daughters bday because she knew that would make me do it.

OP posts:
TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 00:57

BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 00:56

Honestly, I know. I feel like she threw in the word ‘emergency’ and then told me it was her daughters bday because she knew that would make me do it.

Show quote history

So what are you going to do about it?

Does he have a line manager?

Are you a union member?

Original poster
BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 00:58

EBearhug · 26/05/2025 00:55

Do you get paid to be on-call? I assume not. I have my work phone on silent unless I'm on-call or it's work hours and I'm not on leave. If threy want me to be available outside my contracted hours, we can discuss changes to my contract and payment for it. I work in IT, so there is a need for 24/7 cover and out of hours work, but it's work and paid for.

I grew up on a farm, and I know there are some situations where it is all hands in deck, but most places don't have "cattle out" situations.

No I don’t get paid for the extra hours. I don’t have a work phone, we had to give our personal numbers out.

I won’t say the industry I work in because it’s outing but I will tell you that whatever goes on is absolutely NOT an emergency. Not medical/finance/law etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 01:00

TinyTempest · 26/05/2025 00:57

So what are you going to do about it?

Does he have a line manager?

Are you a union member?

Show quote history

Her line manager is the CEO so unsure about talking about this with him - they are also friends and I feel he will always be on her side. I am not a union member.

Honestly, I need to leave and find a new job.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 26/05/2025 01:00

Ignore her in future, then.

Original poster
BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 01:02

EBearhug · 26/05/2025 01:00

Ignore her in future, then.

Yes. Unfortunately I am very non confrontational and intimidated easily so I end up doing these things and find it hard to say no in the time.

I know that’s something I need to work on.

OP posts:
NamechangeJunebaby · 26/05/2025 01:04

Maybe when you see her Tuesday just add in that you’ll be taking your time off in lieu for today on Friday next week so you’ll be finishing by lunchtime so you can get the benefit of the long weekend.

Yellowcakestand · 26/05/2025 01:20

Speak to HR on Tuesday.
I would absolutely email her and copy in HR to state that your contracted working hours are Mon- Fri and you are not available outside of these hours. State how many hours you worked on this today and ask for the time to be paid or given as time owing that you can take back.

Agree that you have sent mixed messages here but you need to lay down your boundaries now and stick to them. She is contacting you as she knows you will roll over and do it (for FREE)

Mardychum · 26/05/2025 01:28

I couldn’t be doing with this, I just wouldn’t even reply, she’s taking the piss!

SpidersAreShitheads · 26/05/2025 02:00

BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 01:02

Yes. Unfortunately I am very non confrontational and intimidated easily so I end up doing these things and find it hard to say no in the time.

I know that’s something I need to work on.

Show quote history

If you find it difficult to say no (even though it’s perfectly reasonable!) then have an excuse ready-prepared that you can use.

“Sorry Susan, I’m out all day and won’t be home so I’ve got no way of logging in or helping.”

Family emergency, day out, broken down car….take your pick of excuses.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong at all with just saying “I don’t work weekends but I’ll happily check for you on Monday.” You shouldn’t need to make up an excuse but if you know that you’ll struggle to assert your boundaries there’s no harm at all in having a ready-made reason that you can give for not being able to help.

Followed by “I don’t have great signal around here…” and then switch your phone off.

ByZanyRubyOrca · 26/05/2025 02:08

I would have not responded. I would say you need to put up boundaries. If you work Monday to Friday say 9-5pm then they are hours that you work, and that’s it. Anything work related after them hours NO. If you have a work WhatsApp then mute the conversation when you finish until the next day if that will help. Don’t reply to any messages or phone calls during the time you’re outside of work. Anyone makes a fuss about it state that it says nothing in your contract about working outside of working hours (obvs check it first) let your boss know you only work during your office hours and that’s it. Anything comments about it take it to HR

LoudSnoringDog · 26/05/2025 02:37

Unless you put a boundary in then this will continue

Fraaances · 26/05/2025 02:45

Surely HR would be interested to hear about it

Pisspotical · 26/05/2025 02:48

Stand your ground. Don’t treat your boss any differently to other colleagues. Say what you think and don’t be afraid to voice your opinions. I adopted this approach years ago and I generally get left alone. A willing horse will always be flogged and a pushover will always be trampled on. You deserve better than this, stand up to the unprofessional bitch forthwith.

ASweetSummerChild · 26/05/2025 03:46

Add up how many hours you have spent on this and then take that time off in micro doses over the next few weeks, eg spend longer in the bathrooms, take your time making a cuppa. Then never respond outside of work time again.

Marchitectmummy · 26/05/2025 04:30

Once you have done something it's done, no point in throwing your toys out of the pram as you will loose the thanks for it in the fallout. Never do that it's a waste, say no ar the time or do it.

I know you don't want to sat your industry but it does depend a bit if it's appropriate or not.

But I would pick the day / time for time off to make up for it and tell her you will be off on x for x hours to make up for Sunday.

Then next time she asks answer and say sorry I cant step in today, I'll look at it on Tuesday when I'm back.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 26/05/2025 04:42

You've got a few choices OP.

  1. Accept that you've chosen to make it part of your role.
  1. Just ignore her calls when you're not at work
  1. Answer her calls & make an excuse why you can't help.
  1. Take the time back in lieu & explain to HR why.
  1. Make an official complaint to HR/the CEO.
Ella31 · 26/05/2025 04:44

"Sorry Mary, I'm actually away with family for weekend and I actually only work Monday to Friday so don't have any materials with me this bank holiday weekend. Talk Tuesday"

You don't owe her this reply but as you are non confrontational, it's a way of passively nipping it in the bud. She messages you because she knows she can.

rwalker · 26/05/2025 05:16

Let’s be honest complaining now is a waste of time that ship has sailed
going forward if it happens again just don’t respond or if you do give her a reason why you can’t do it

Menobaby79 · 26/05/2025 06:13

That is just unreasonable and unfair. I used to work with a guy who wouldn't answer his phone at all, out of work and we all respected it.

We have a bloody work WhatsApp group and it drives me nuts. The manager keeps putting on messages to the whole group that she could just send to the actual person. Messages such as "I'm running late today, won't be in until X time just so you know." Then random picture updates about things she could send in an email.
We all agree we find it really intrusive when we're at home and we know she wouldn't like it done to her. The group is handy for asking for help or info from other staff etc, as we're mostly lone working but the other crap, no.

There just seems to be no boundaries with some managers at all, grrrr. I mute the group and just check it now and then if I can be bothered. 🙄

Zanatdy · 26/05/2025 06:21

You need to have a 1-2-1 with her and tell her that you’re burnt out, and whilst you don’t mind helping out when it’s an emergency out of hours, you don’t wish to be contacted when you’re on AL / weekends unless its a genuine emergency. I wouldn’t dream of messaging my staff out of hours, and if it was a genuine emergency i’d ask, not tell. But in reality, i’d do it myself, as I would hate to disturb my staff during their own personal time.

My boss wouldn’t expect me to work for free either, I log my hours on a flexi sheet and I put in a claim each month for anything over 37 a week. I always have 15 minimum, this month will be 25 plus. I don’t mind logging on the weekend if needs be, but I don’t have that expectation of anyone else. My DC are 17 - adults, and i’m single so it’s fine, but it should be a choice. This was all a non emergency so a lot of people disturbed for nothing. Your boss is an idiot.

chatgptsbestmate · 26/05/2025 06:24

BananaPuddingCream · 26/05/2025 01:02

Yes. Unfortunately I am very non confrontational and intimidated easily so I end up doing these things and find it hard to say no in the time.

I know that’s something I need to work on.

Show quote history

You could work on this or just have excuses ready which mean there's no way you can help until Tuesday. Or find a way of putting an out of office on for her number/email