Think I have to tell the police an/or social services TW abusive father

[WTAFDoIDoNowThisHasComeOut]

My teenagers have have told me some awful stuff tonight. I'm reeling and want that fucker to suffer.
Son(late teens) has told me his twat of a father started hitting him, 'but only occasionally ' from about the age of 5. He also beat up my step son about 11 years older, and whn smaller son intervened, got a slap for his efforts.
Daughter, mid teens, tells me he stole some of her pants, touched her boobs and made her touch his willy.
They both say he used to walk around and sit on th sofa naked,
We split up about 8 years ago when the kids were around 8/10 and they went eow.

He has since remarried and there are grandchildren of his wife visiting.

Daughter is desperate for me not to say anything, but I have to tell someone, don't I?

Sorry for muddled typing, tired and devastated

How utterly awful. Sadly abuse can happen even with other people in the room, so even though no kids are now left with him unattended, that does not mean they are not at risk - they very much are. It might be worth discussing this with your kids to convince them you must all go to the police.

Your kids might think no children are at risk from him but they aren't qualified to make that assessment. The police must be told, especially regarding the sexual abuse.

Exactly. Let the people who are qualified make that decision. How would you or your children feel if later on down the line,it came out that he did abuse others and you did nothing about it? Let the relevant people know and you can say you've helped in some way to make people aware. At least then something good(I know that's not the right word) will come out of this. You've stopped one abuser abusing. You can't bury you're head in the sand about this.

Ive spoke to a friend who works with children, and knows my family. My son has now told me that this is why he never wanted to tell me because I wouldn't let it lie.

I've proved his point, he's regretting telling me because now I have to do something.

I'm scared of telling anyone else, I dint want him to stop talking to me.

He says nothing will come if it because there's no proof and his dad will just charm anyone who interviews him and twist it all around

But that's not for your son to decide whether any good will come of it. It could be a part of a puzzle where others could have made a report on him and his report could be the final piece needed for the police.

I honestly wish someone had spoken up for me and reported my abuser.

He may well think his dad could charm anyone, but that's because he only knows one abuser, from the perspective of being a victim of that abuser. He doesn't understand that police and social services see a LOT of these type of men, are trained to deal with them, and can see straight through their "charming" act.

I think even if they choose not to make a statement, you absolutely need to carry on with this, OP. The fact that there are foster children in the family makes my blood run cold.

You tell him as his parent the burden is now yours... And as a responsible adult /dm you need to let the police deal with it.
As a dm op I reported my own dc for being an abuser..
Ime you absolutely must.

Your ex is neither yours nor your dc's responsibility to upkeep his reputation... Your dc should feel proud they can protect a lot of dc he may prey on.

I'm going to call MASH tomorrow.

What a day! I'm exhausted.

Weirdly,both kids are very jolly today.
Or maybe that's not so weird, now they've got a load off stuff of their chests.

Report to the police.

This man is a danger to any kid he comes in contact with.

Haven't done anything yet. Too afraid of the kids' reactions. Everything is calm and happy here now.
Feel very conflicted.

Thanks for your update OP. Is there any way you can get your youngsters to understand they can make a report even if they don't want action to be taken. That way there is a marker and if another report is made their experiences count towards someone else being believed.

How do we do that?
I overwhelmingly feel we need to protect other children. They say 'he's no risk'

You, or rather they, report it to the Police. They can make it clear they won't make statements at this stage and why.
The Police will be able to reassure them and if they think other children may be at risk they may be able to convince yours to pursue. But even if they don't there will still be a marker.

They may not be young children, but they're still young, and probably minimizing things because they have so many conflicting feelings. But it's really important that you report him.

As other posters have said, your two are not experienced enough to decide if he's a risk ofr not. He might not be in a position to do to others what he did to them but he may find other ways to abuse people/children. It's all about power.

You need to ring the Police and who will carry out a joint investigation with social services. Also don’t discuss it further with your children, don’t ask them any further questions as it could undermine any case.

How do they know this? He is a risk as he's already done it. And he could be doing it now 😞

Went to the police station. They dmsaid they wouldn't be able to do anything about the oldest, as he's an adult now, it would be up to him to make a complaint.
But with the youngest, as she's still a child, I could make the complaint.
She sent me away to have a think.

I completely understand your need to want to protect other children, but what she’s going to have to go through if he is reported will be beyond tough. There’s not a chance of a conviction unless she is totally on board with you making that report. She’ll just shut down.

Can you get her to talk to a professional to explain to her that men like that don’t stop being a risk? I think it will achieve far more than reporting him without her agreeing to it.