Think I have to tell the police an/or social services TW abusive father

[WTAFDoIDoNowThisHasComeOut]

My teenagers have have told me some awful stuff tonight. I'm reeling and want that fucker to suffer.
Son(late teens) has told me his twat of a father started hitting him, 'but only occasionally ' from about the age of 5. He also beat up my step son about 11 years older, and whn smaller son intervened, got a slap for his efforts.
Daughter, mid teens, tells me he stole some of her pants, touched her boobs and made her touch his willy.
They both say he used to walk around and sit on th sofa naked,
We split up about 8 years ago when the kids were around 8/10 and they went eow.

He has since remarried and there are grandchildren of his wife visiting.

Daughter is desperate for me not to say anything, but I have to tell someone, don't I?

Sorry for muddled typing, tired and devastated

How old are your teenagers now and what prompted them to suddenly tell you?

Yes, a violent sexual abuser should be reported but if your kids don't want you to, then I'm guessing they'd be unlikely to back up what you say to the police?

Awful awful situation.

Sorry, this all happened between when they were 5&7, and about 12&13. They're now 19&17

Son was at dad's this evening and he'd had a falling out with him. Dad doing usual passive aggressive shit.

He called me and told me now he's an adult , he can tell me. Daughter then disclosed her stuff too.
She told me he locked her in a cupboard once, too.

You need to report him to protect others from him, what a vile piece of shit he is, I can understand your children not wanting you to but this is something you absolutely must do

Please contact the police.

Yes you must report... Your children have the option to not disclose their experience to the authorities but if you don't report and other children suffer, you will have to live with the fact that you did nothing and could have prevented abuse

The wife's grandchildren are in horrible danger. You know that it's possible. You should tell the police and they will investigate.

What your daughter said especially, not the pants thing but the other stuff, is very serious. You need to report that

I think you should contact the NSPCC for advice, both on how to convince them to report and what to do about him being around other children. Your son is an adult and your DD is almost an adult. It’s not you who will have to go through the trauma of reliving those experiences and speaking to police officers; it’s them. And you have no right to force either of them to do it against their will. Find out what their reasoning is for not wanting to report. Is it fear? Of repercussions? Of not being believed? Of not wanting him to get into trouble? Or fear of what they’d have to do as far as potentially attending court etc? And then you know what you’re working with in terms of how to convince them that it’s the right thing to do. And both of them need trauma counselling.

Please report it. I'm 42 and currently battling huge mental health issues as a result of the abuse I suffered at the hands of a family member when I was about the same age as your children were, but also the way in which my parents dealt with it (ie they called me a liar and actively sought to discredit me) when I disclosed at school and it was reported to police.
Their experiences may be historic but there's a chance other children are in danger now, please report it and support your children in working through it.x

You need to tell your children that you can't keep this to yourself because you need to try to protect the other children. You need to report it to the police and encourage your children to give statements. It will be the end of their relationship with their father so they need to be prepared for that.

You have two adults who know their dad's behaviour is not acceptable. Have a conversation where you explain that you are going to report it because other children are attending risk. Explain that you would have done anything to stop them having to go through that, so the guilt of not saying anything and potentially putting another child, like the grandkids, in harms way is too much of a risk. I would also encourage therapy for both, which can be done through their GP. Also, why does you son still see dad? Does your daughter? I would be encouraging them to go no contact, therapy will help them work through that guilt associated with an abusive parent. I really feel for you and your kids, that is awful for you all. I am so sorry.

I have been through similar with an abusive family member. I think you need to get support in your next steps. This will cause a huge fallout but nevertheless I personally believe they should report it so they can finally face up to the reality of their father.

Do not underestimate the level of support you will need as a family and do not underestimate how this will mean the end of the relationship with that part of the family which is a good thing ultimately but will hurt like hell too.

They are adamant that any visiting children are not at risk because he's never left alone with them.
Dd says they all think he's creepy.
Ds says they think of him as a comedy 'dirty old man' like Benny Hill. And that they think he's funny.

He's a disgusting manipulative man.

Now Ds has told me, he says he feels lighter and just wants to out it all to bed.
Haven't seen dd yet this morning

Ds sees him more than dd. Guilt. Their guilt.
Not sure wht what they feel guilty for

Yes you do. I’m sorry your kids have experienced this.

Please encourage therapy, they need to work through these emotions in a safe environment. They acknowledge his behaviours, but still have that unhealthy bond/guilt with him. Which is completely understandable and common. As mum, who just heard some really upsetting news about your precious children, and struggling with not knowing fir so long, you may want to consider leading by example and also going to therapy.

I'm so sorry. Please. You have to say something. Especially now there are grandchildren involved. He could be doing the same to them.

Why not the pants thing? That's awful too.

Don't bother with The NSPCC , they are useless. Phone your local MASH team of Social Work Safeguarding Team. You should report this as he may abuse other children he comes into contact with. Please don't probe your children but take note of what they have said (mentally or otherwise). They can decide if they want to speak to Police /SS as they are Adult/older now but measures must be taken to investigate and safeguard other children. I'm sorry OP, I cannot imagine what you are feeling just now. And your children too x

They're scared for me to speak up as he'll know where it's come from and he'll get into trouble.
There would be many repercussions.

He does charity stuff, his 'brand' is being the gregarious saviour type. Plus there are foster children in the wider family.

Your children owe nothing to anyone... tell them you believe them, that you were not able to protect them and that you will do you best to protect them now and help them to process this abuse in the best way possible for them.

Listen to them!!

You can allow the relationship to blow up.

You can tell his wife that he is a dangerous man and that she has an obligation to protect her children and her grandchildren.

Men like this go on to abuse other people because they are abusers.. not because their victims didn't say anything.

The system does not reliably protect victims from further trauma when they report harm so put their needs first.

Of course he should get into trouble. HE did this. No one else.

Please tell them he'll get into trouble because of what he's done NOT because they told you.

The blame is entirely with him. If he hadn't done the things there would be nothing to tell.

It is precisely because he did the bad things he should be in trouble for the bad things not them for the telling about the bad things.

Please tell them not to blame themselves. The right thing to do is tell someone about bad things so they can be stopped.

I told them both last night that he should absolutely get into trouble for hurting them. And that none of it is their fault.

I told them they are wonderful people.

Last week, my son came back after a night out with his mates, drunk. Said "why doesn't my dad love me"

I said it's likely that he is incapable of loving anyone except himself.