Who’s right

[someonehastoberight]

It’s Saturday night you want to play board games but your dp always vetos it. Your dp wants to watch a film, you prefer romantic comedies but he refuses to watch them so he chooses a action film to watch, you agree to keep the peace but your not that bothered about it. Is it rude to look at your phone or read/sew etc?

Similarly if your staying with family and one person dictates that you will all watch something on the tv but it’s something that doesn’t interest you are you rude to read /look at your phone?

Obviously I think it’s not rude and can’t understand why some people would want someone to be bored while they do what they want. But I suspect I’m wrong.

DP does sound like a pain in the arse. And I would be doing something else rather than endure some shite film I didn’t want to watch - unless on occasion DP will acquiesce to something of my choice…

Do you ever suggest taking turns to choose the tv/film/activity?

I don't think it's rude in those circumstances. Is your partner claiming you're rude? Do you ever get your choice of movie or does your DP control the choice every time?

And the staying with family thing - it’s not exactly great hosting to insist on watching telly??

Doesn't sound very equitable.

It's not rude if he always vetos your choices.

It's rude if you take turns, but if he wants to dictate everything every time then not rude imo.

We did use to when the kids were at home but not now. I don’t mind really as forcing someone to play trivial pursuits when they don’t want to isn’t a fun evening either. I’m just slightly outraged that we do what he wants every Saturday night but somehow I’m the bad guy because I don’t just sit and watch something that doesn’t interest me.

No, I don't think it's rude. If you've told them it's not your thing and they still choose do it, ok, but why should you have to sit there politely with your eyes pinned to the screen while your brain is desperate for escape?
Read your book. Look at your phone. I would.

He says we both compromise but literally it’s like-

my choice - cluedo
dh choice - blood diamond
’compromise’- mission impossible

i really don’t feel he’s compromising that much.

In our house (for my sins) Sir has control of the remote. So I sit with my headphones on, working at my stitching frame and listening to a book/podcast/film. I honestly don't much care if he thinks it's rude or not and I suspect he's too timid to say

I agree , music and chat, or cards would be lovely but no we have to watch reruns of four in a bed or similar

This reminds me of how I used to get my way with my younger sister when I was 16.

I wouldn’t even stick around to watch a film I didn’t want to watch just to sit next to my DH while he watches it. Just go in another room and do something you want to do.

Just get DP told! If you can't find something you both enjoy then you'll be messing about on your phone/reading/knitting/painting your nails...

it is quite rude at someone else's house, but if its family 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would be in another room as well. He's critical of you for not sitting and watching what he wants to watch yet he refuses to watch what you want to watch. Ask him how that makes sense.

I would be in another room as well. He's critical of you for not sitting and watching what he wants to watch yet he refuses to watch what you want to watch. Ask him how that makes sense.

I would be in another room as well. He's critical of you for not sitting and watching what he wants to watch yet he refuses to watch what you want to watch. Ask him how that makes sense.

I would be in another room as well. He's critical of you for not sitting and watching what he wants to watch yet he refuses to watch what you want to watch. Ask him how that makes sense. And if the kids have left home have a good long think about whether you want to live your life like this.

I’d be in another room (or the bath) with a book, or out for a walk, or down the pub with friends, as would my husband if I wanted to watch something he did not.

if I was with family, I’d sit quietly in a corner with my book.

so no, I don’t think it’s rude.

I think you need to find something you both want to do 90% of the time. With occasional acquiescing to accommodate something one of you REALLY wants to do.

If you can’t find something you are both agreeable to with a bit of discussion it sounds like you don’t actually have that much in common?!?

I can kind of see how if he genuinely believes it’s a compromise, he would then think it was rude of you not to participate.

But it’s not a compromise if it’s still something you’re not interested in!

I’d probably be clear I’m not interested and take myself off to do something else. Or make an actual compromise you’re both happy with and watch the film. Or maybe take turns (but then you’ll still be bored every other time).

We enjoy some out of the house activities together -concerts, comedy shows , eating out walking. But currently I have a chronic pain condition so I’m limited in what I can do and we have a young child so we are in a lot more. All dh wants to do on any evening is watch tv and on Saturday night put a film on. I love games, puzzles, interactive quizzes so I’d happily do those things but he doesn’t want to. During the week he’s up at 5 so goes to bed at 930, so we only have around a hour in the evening . We both like panel shows/comedy so he usually sticks something on and sometimes I’ll read if I want to. We also both look at our phones/do admin.
He sees Saturday night as treat night as he has a beer and enjoys a film, he doesn’t want to do anything else (unless we/he went out) and wouldn’t want to watch a film he wouldn’t choose to. He just doesn’t seem to get the film he chooses I wouldn’t usually choose, I mean occasionally there’s one I want to watch but we don’t really like the same films.

Well i’d tell him when the TV is my choice, i’ll watch it and not browse my phone or knit. I can’t stand it when people try and force others to watch the TV, I personally like to watch and browse. If something really gets my interest, I might put the phone down, but i’m never really watching that intently.

Why won’t he take turns? If I never got to choose I probably wouldn’t even be in the same room.

Reading, knitting or mending in the same room is not rude.
Easy to keep track of both.

Scrolling through phone is rude as is engaging with other people on phone - as you are looking for anything better.

It is also rude of your spouse to not remember that last time he chose an action thriller and that this time he will watch your choice and also maybe read or do tapestry beside you.
Board games every once in a while should win too.

People are sore loosers to not join in with spouse regularly and try to have shared experiences and interaction.