Who’s right

[someonehastoberight]

It’s Saturday night you want to play board games but your dp always vetos it. Your dp wants to watch a film, you prefer romantic comedies but he refuses to watch them so he chooses a action film to watch, you agree to keep the peace but your not that bothered about it. Is it rude to look at your phone or read/sew etc?

Similarly if your staying with family and one person dictates that you will all watch something on the tv but it’s something that doesn’t interest you are you rude to read /look at your phone?

With family, if it was just the odd time, I’d probably watch tv to be sociable, but I wouldn’t think it rude if someone was on their phone.

I don’t even watch tv!
The only time our tv is on is when my husband is home!
So while he’s watching it I’m doing my own thing in the same room, lol and because I’m very hard of hearing half the time I don’t even hear what he’s watching!!
We talk a lot when he’s watching tv, he’s not one of those who’s watching and telling people to be quiet or he’ll miss what he’s watching!

But is he one of those adults for whom a loss at a game of cards or a board game is taken as a personal insult to their status in the world?

Why is the phone different? If I’m reading posts on Mumsnet is it different to reading a book?

He doesn’t strop but he doesn’t like to play if he’s likely to lose. He also gets bored if it’s a long game like trivial pursuits.

He sounds like a boring, selfish arse. I wouldn’t even sit in the same room as him.

Be specific - say OK we'll watch your chosen film tonight and next Saturday we'll play a game. Then if he reneges on this agreement when next Saturday comes round, spend the evening doing your own thing

I loathe boardgames so would never agree to that as an activity, unless it was with young children.

I do think you should take turns choosing films and then engage with the film that's on, even if it's not your cup of tea.

On the visiting family, I don't think it's rude to opt to read a book rather than watching trash TV but I would do it in another room.

Wouldn’t leaving the room be less sociable? I can still join in the conversation if I am in the room.

He’s being very silly. You either need to take turns choosing films or get better at compromising. Can you try choosing films you think the other person might like? Less well-known ones that might interest both of you?

The idea that he cannot watch films he doesn’t like but you should, is just selfish, thick or both.

But what really comes across is that he isn’t interested in trying to understand what you enjoy or why.

Well you are both unreasonable, as Blood Diamond is way better than Mission Impossible.

If I am disinterested in what DH wants to watch. ( like football…) then I scroll on MN , Instagram, FB . I can’t read as I like peace for that, but catching up with ElvisBatz is always worth it.

I don’t think it’s rude in your own home you want to do something different to the people you live with. It’s nice if you all want to do something together but if you can’t agree then it’s fine to go your separate ways. I’d suggest you watch a rom com tonight and challenge him to try and not look at his phone and pay attention the whole way through. He’ll quickly realise YANBU.

With regards to family, my mum put a film on last time I stayed over and it was so boring I ended up looking at my phone. I felt really rude but it was either that or stick pins in my eyes. Luckily she didn’t take offence but realised I wasn’t enjoying it and we found something else to watch instead.

I don't think so. I wouldn't like to try and have a conversation with someone who was reading a book or zoned out on their phone.

Same I don’t begrudge dh watching a film he will enjoy on a Saturday night and I don’t mind that he doesn’t enjoy games/puzzles. But I resent that I do that and find a way to entertain myself whilst he does and yet I’m the bad guy.

So take turns choosing and see what he does on rom-com night.

Next time the film discussion comes up, be clear that it’s not a film that you’re particularly interested in, so you’ll probably be on your phone for some of it. And that if you watch a film of your choice it’s fine for him to be on his phone or watching another film on tablet with headphones.

I have a friend who's husband expects her to watch the sport he likes on TV with him. I'd have left him long ago!

We do this. I wanted to watch a film that I knew he wouldn't like yesterday, and he went off and did his own thing for a couple of hours. More often than not, I read while he's watching TV. There are a few things we both like and watch together.

DH and I just sit in different rooms and watch whatever we like.

I can't imagine being forced to sit through one of his awful horror films, and he would rather watch paint dry than sit and watch one of my musicals. If he does choose to sit with me, I don't think I'd even notice if he was on his phone as I'd probably be on mine too

We don't have to live together full time, so I get my breaks (older couple, both mortgage free). I go on my phone, while he watches shite. The compromise is psychological thrillers, gangster films and box sets like the resident, ITVX. I couldn't sit through romantic comedies, except at Christmas. It isn't rude to busy yourself, you aren't his companion animal. Our neighbour has a dachshund, who's happy to be company. I often offer to lend it for him. I'm a person, as you are, who needs her needs taking on board. I noticed I was doing less book reading and more on MN, which wasn't good for me. We've talked it out and now are in a much better place.

"Scrolling through phone is rude as is engaging with other people on phone - as you are looking for anything better."

It's equally rude to expect someone to just sit and watch a film or programme that they have zero interest in. I'm way too old for that shit and not a chance in hell would I be forced to watch something that bores the arse off me. I'll either go to another room or I'll be scrolling or playing games (silently) on my tablet in the same room, headphones in if watching or listening to something on it. Neither of us is bothered either way what the other one does when one of us is watching something that doesn't appeal to the other. Maybe that's part of why we're still together 30 years on.

I kind of feel the same. If other people were willing to do something I want to do I’d get it but they won’t yet I have to sit there bored and pretend to be interested just to keep everyone else happy.

I’d suck it up on the occasional family situation but hell would freeze over before my DP could make me watch a romantic comedy. I would leave him to it and watch something in a different room.