Racist husband

[BePinkTurtle]

I don’t really know what I want here, just some space to tell things I wouldn’t be able to bring up anywhere else. My husband is known for his extreme views, and I find it very challenging. He thinks that he is a good person and it’s fine to say what he thinks because he thinks his views are harmless and he is entitled to them. We have constant fights about it. We were having dinner and wine just now (too much of wine) and taking, and I couldn’t get to the end of the sentence of what I was trying to say because he was talking over me. I ended up shouting and called me a nazi and faschist.
I feel like there is no way back from this. I have nowhere to go and have no family in this country.

sorry but i’d absolutely draw the line with being married to a racist.

Time to leave OP. He sounds awful

What did he say?

I've literally never said this on Mumsnet before, but...LTB.

I ended up shouting and called me a nazi and faschist.
He called you a nazi and fascist?..
Or you called him one?
What are his views?

It’s never ‘fine’ to be a racist.

You don’t marry a racist without knowing they are a racist before you marry them. I reckon you would have had an inkling. Unless he’s been radicalised by the TikTok algorithm - that’s a possibility I suppose, but more likely he already was and social media has made him feel emboldened.

You have constant fights and he is racist. You need to find a way to leave.

Sometimes leaving requires planning

I'm sorry, OP. You need to start planning an exit strategy.

Why was a racist calling you a nazi and a fascist?

You need to provide more context and info but I suspect the wine is talking and perhaps you won’t be back. If you do read this, I agree with a PP, unless he has been radicalised since you married him, you knew this about him beforehand and made your decision.
i think racism is right up there with all the red flags and least attractive traits in a human so, I would leave without a backward glance. No way would I tolerate that.

Are you German? Is that why he was racist? Is he racist generally?

I can't understand whether he called you a nazi and a fascist, or he called you that?
I'm not a racist and My dh isn't a racis, but I have friends and family members who are. I mean that as in their vales and beliefs, not that they go tlround harassing minorities. It doesn't bother me on the slightest. They are entitled to their own opinions even if I don't agree.

What sort of racist beliefs does he think are harmless?

Why are you friends with people who are racist.

As a foreign immigrant to the UK with no further family here, I don't spend time with racists on a point of principle. If you're in a similar situation, I suggest you do the same. I refuse to waste time on people who essentially hate what I am.

He is right, everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions.

It’s just a shame that his are repugnant and make him a disgusting human being. I could not be with anyone like this. Ever.

He called you a racist? Why?

What are his views?

It doesn't bother you in the slightest that your friends and family are racist?

Wow.

You what?

you have friends and family that are racist, although they don’t hassle minorities - and you have absolutely no problem with that

are you alright in the head?

It doesn’t bother you in the slightest that you have some friends and family who treat people differently/ discriminate against people because of the colour of their skin?!? Wow! I couldn’t be friends with someone who tolerated racism.
It doesn’t bother me that my friends hold different political views, that they have different tastes, that they live differently to me. It absolutely would bother me if my friends had views that were so disgusting.

@Chocolate85 I couldn’t agree more

I agree with pp regarding @1SillySossij This is why so many people feel emboldened to share their views with all and sundry. It’s normalised in their friendship /family circles and they don’t get any pushback.

Even if a racist isn’t “actively harassing random minorities” they will very likely still be affecting them negatively. Eg. A friend of mine was on a train once. She was actually on her way to meet me, and she overheard two men in suits talking about how the “Black candidate was obviously much better but of course we had to give it to the white guy” and there was a lot of backslapping and chortling. They made it quite clear it was a racially motivated decision. I doubt they are the type to hurl racial abuse at a random but here they are damaging someone’s career progression.

At least those two men were self aware as racist as they were.

Many more won’t even acknowledge their actions are influenced by their views. They’ll just quietly give their non-white employees worse grades on performance reviews, make them redundant first etc, make a racist joke at a party, treat customers of certain races worse, encourage anti (insert race) views etc, leave certain neighbours out of the party their organising and so on…

And all the while they pretend to themselves they’re not harming anyone with their racism

There are many version of racism, it may not be skin colour related. I'm just trying to think why OPs husband called her a nazi fascist when she believes him to be racist. It sounds like they have opposite views on something that could be deemed racist either way? Supporting opposite sides in a conflict perhaps?

Either way he talks across OP, they argue all the time, he has 'extreme' views but thinks they are harmless, even though they are upsetting his partner and causing all these rows. He sounds awful. I agree OP, there is probably no where back from this. Best of luck