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Original poster

7 year old won’t tell me what she plays with friend

36 replies

Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:00

Dd, almost 7 has a neighbourhood friend she plays with at weekends, he comes to our house and she goes to their house. Recently when I ask her what they placed (just general conversation/interest in her life) she says she doesn’t want to tell me what she plays and wants me to stop always asking, she gets quite cross.

Am I being too pushy, why not tell me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:01

‘Plays’

OP posts:
iwanttobeapandamum · 25/05/2025 20:01

Who is at the house where she plays.

BeansCounter · 25/05/2025 20:01

Why do you want to know? Do you have concerns?

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:02

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy with this, if everything was OK she would feel fine to chat about it

Original poster
Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:06

I think it might be because they play fighting/gun type games and I’ve said i’m not keen

OP posts:
TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:08

@LoopyLou94 I'm not 100% sure that's true - at 7yo they might have very unstructured play and OP's DD isn't able to articulate what they are actually doing. At 7 DD was sort of just bimbling around with friends without any specific "play" scenario. I saw a lot of it and would have struggled as an adult to articulate what they were doing, let alone expecting a 7yo to.

I get people wanting to know for safety reasons (and a lot depends on supervision) but I think the more helpful thing for the OP to understand is whether anyone is telling the DD that it's a secret. There's good stuff online about how to talk to your child about people who ask them to keep secrets, especially adults (vs suprises).

EsmeSusanOgg · 25/05/2025 20:08

My Spidey senses would be tingling at that. Not a usual response from a 7 year old.

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:12

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:08

@LoopyLou94 I'm not 100% sure that's true - at 7yo they might have very unstructured play and OP's DD isn't able to articulate what they are actually doing. At 7 DD was sort of just bimbling around with friends without any specific "play" scenario. I saw a lot of it and would have struggled as an adult to articulate what they were doing, let alone expecting a 7yo to.

I get people wanting to know for safety reasons (and a lot depends on supervision) but I think the more helpful thing for the OP to understand is whether anyone is telling the DD that it's a secret. There's good stuff online about how to talk to your child about people who ask them to keep secrets, especially adults (vs suprises).

Totally agree with second paragraph. I think getting annoyed and wanting mum to stop asking are red flags and I'd be enquiring further

Dontlletmedownbruce · 25/05/2025 20:12

Maybe she sees her play as her own business and way of finding her voice in the world and she wants to keep that away from you. Or maybe she plays silly games she is embarrassed to admit in case you think they are too babyish. Hopefully it's just an innocent explanation. I wonder do you have a way of trying to influence her play sometimes by making suggestions or brushing off ideas she has, (I think many parents do this) it might make her defensive and secretive about what she does.

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:27

LoopyLou94 · 25/05/2025 20:12

Totally agree with second paragraph. I think getting annoyed and wanting mum to stop asking are red flags and I'd be enquiring further

Show quote history

@Isitbathorbarth Google secrets vs surprises vs privacy - loads of really helpful stuff online to help you talk to your DD about. I remember my DD getting the difference very quickly. It's a good age to be learning about it.

Original poster
Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:35

She goes to another neighbours house too, I might casually ask what she plays with her and see if it’s a similar response. I have a feeling she’s a bit embarrassed or thinks I won’t approve of gun/fighting type games that this boy does, i’m not sure. I’ve said to her i’m only interested that’s all and she can always say what she plays to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 20:36

But I am an overprotective mum so it’s making me paranoid. Should she have to tell me at this age? I feel like she should if I tell her I need to know (haven’t pushed this far yet)

OP posts:
Bridgetjonesheart · 25/05/2025 20:39

I just couldn’t NOT know. My eyes would be on her all the time I don’t care whose house she’s at I’ll pop round for a nosey. No mysteries with my child. Sorry to sound harsh but.. I wouldn’t be sitting scratching my head that’s for sure.

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:46

@Isitbathorbarth Then don't let her go to other people's houses unsupervised. When DD was 7 a parent or caregiver was always around, even if it was just in the background - usually the host. So I got most of my info about what DD had done when she wasn't with me from the parent (usually) or nanny. If you're not comfortable asking the host parent what they got up to, then you don't know them well enough to have your DD go over there without you. You can't expect a 7yo to always be able to be that articulate.

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:47

And if you don't like the games that the boy plays, don't let her go there unsupervised. You can't expect to send her there knowing that he like playing those games and have the strength at 7 to say "sorry, no, mum doesn't like me playing them". You're expecting an awful lot from a 7yo.

MarxistMags · 25/05/2025 20:55

My 7 year old DGS used to be making potions with his wee friend. It was a secret - until it was finished. A plant pot with leaves, twigs, petals and washing up liquid.....Harmless play. His Mum did have a chat with him about secrets. It was a secret he was going to marry me when he was older. So precious.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 25/05/2025 20:55

slow typer saying almost word for word what PP has

Ifpicklesweretickles · 25/05/2025 20:56

They probably play watching television and being on tablets.

Nextdoormat · 25/05/2025 20:57

My 7 year old DGD doesn't like to be asked what she has been doing at school, what she did at Daddies etc. I have to trick her into saying, I say tell me one thing you learnt at school today that I won't know, or bet you and Daddy rode your bikes and she will then part with some info. I don't think not wanting to say is odd.

arcticpandas · 25/05/2025 20:59

Probably playing "doctor" if she doesn't want to tell you..

Bigfatsunandclouds · 25/05/2025 21:15

My DC2 doesn't like to part with any information about their day, who they played with, what they played, what they had for lunch, what they learned etc. Unless you have concerns I wouldn't be too worried.

NuffSaidSam · 25/05/2025 21:18

I think not wanting to be quizzed about their day is quite normal at this age. Can you not tell from her reaction whether she's just generally irritated at the question or scared/upset and hiding something?

rubbishtv · 25/05/2025 21:21

Bigfatsunandclouds · 25/05/2025 21:15

My DC2 doesn't like to part with any information about their day, who they played with, what they played, what they had for lunch, what they learned etc. Unless you have concerns I wouldn't be too worried.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Original poster
Isitbathorbarth · 25/05/2025 21:32

TheBossOfMe · 25/05/2025 20:46

@Isitbathorbarth Then don't let her go to other people's houses unsupervised. When DD was 7 a parent or caregiver was always around, even if it was just in the background - usually the host. So I got most of my info about what DD had done when she wasn't with me from the parent (usually) or nanny. If you're not comfortable asking the host parent what they got up to, then you don't know them well enough to have your DD go over there without you. You can't expect a 7yo to always be able to be that articulate.

They are always supervised of course

OP posts:
GloriousBlue · 25/05/2025 21:33

My 5yo DS doesn't tell me what he plays at school, and is quite secretive about friends in general. I've no idea why and don't push it. When he has playdates they play all sorts from pirates and gun games to "mummies and daddies". His teachers say he's very social and plays loads. I think some kids arent very good at relating things.

Having said that, I'd personally not he comfortable with me kid playing away from me at that age, unless with a very close friend's children or family member.