Mum is taking over my son’s birthday

keke2605 · 2025-05-25T13:21:15+00:00

I feel quite bad for writing this as my mum does help me a lot with my son. But it is his 2nd birthday soon and we have planned just to have some tea and a small get together at her house, as my flat is quite small. Today I was going to get his cake, balloons, candles etc. She said she’d got everything already, without mentioning it to me previously. She said she’s got everything in spider man. He doesn’t even really obsess over spider man. AIBU to think she’s taking over? Would this bother you?

Neolara · 25/05/2025 14:22

Yes, it would bother me.

Notlookingforwardtosummer · 25/05/2025 14:23

It would bother me. I would say something like I promised DS I would get him a Hey Duggee cake (or whatever) and get a different cake.

But it all depends on your relationships and what she helps you with?

Olika · 25/05/2025 14:24

Yes it would bother me as you two should have discussed these things together as she is so involved.

DrummingMousWife · 25/05/2025 14:24

Just say sorry , I’ve booked and paid for everything already and then get what you want. She should’ve asked if she wanted to get things. I would be annoyed at this.

Bidedtime · 25/05/2025 14:24

Not in the slightest.

maybe if he was older, possibly, maybe, a tiny bit

but 2nd birthday… I’d say thank you! And move on

Shetlands · 25/05/2025 14:25

I'd have been very happy for my Mum to deal with it all (she never did!) but my daughter would be furious if I did what your Mum did. The only thing that matters is whether it bothers you or not.

Bidedtime · 25/05/2025 14:27

so she hasn’t changed since your last thread going in to detail of how your mum is “controlling”?

DemonsandMosquitoes · 25/05/2025 14:41

Yep. Overinvolved. But she does help you a lot so I suspect boundaries are blurred. It won’t improve over the years either. And you’ll be so beholden as she ages. Have seen it before.

Yellowpingu · 25/05/2025 16:49

My MIL did this for DS’s 1st birthday. I lied and said I already had everything. It didn’t stop her overstepping in future though. We moved 250 miles away and for a few years she posted birthday cakes to us, as if we wouldn’t buy him one ourselves! 🙄

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 16:57

Bidedtime · 25/05/2025 14:24

Not in the slightest.

maybe if he was older, possibly, maybe, a tiny bit

but 2nd birthday… I’d say thank you! And move on

But you get so few birthdays where you get to decorate the room for them and get/make them a cake and they're excited about it.

I would be really upset OP but I would buy what I wanted and next time don't do it at her house.

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:00

Nope, fuck it, she's taken on all the stress, will probably do most of the actual hosting so just show up, be grateful you have her, enjoy your son's birthday and get some great photos of the 3 of you together.

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:02

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 16:57

But you get so few birthdays where you get to decorate the room for them and get/make them a cake and they're excited about it.

I would be really upset OP but I would buy what I wanted and next time don't do it at her house.

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At 2 years old, ds is not going to berate the op for not decorating the living room is he? And it not really the kind of stuff that therapists make money off either. Calm it down

WhiteCloudd · 25/05/2025 17:03

Are you going to let her overstep? That’s the main thing.

Sharptonguedwoman · 25/05/2025 17:04

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:00

Nope, fuck it, she's taken on all the stress, will probably do most of the actual hosting so just show up, be grateful you have her, enjoy your son's birthday and get some great photos of the 3 of you together.

Absolutely this and he won't remember anyway. if he sees the photos in a few years time you can laugh about it together and say that grandma liked Spiderman.

Whaleandsnail6 · 25/05/2025 17:05

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and think that since she is having the party at her house, she felt she was hosting so got everything together.

I'd try and not let it bother me... your son will love seeing the house decorated for his party, have a lovely party with his family and that's what matters, not who chose and bought the items

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 17:09

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:02

At 2 years old, ds is not going to berate the op for not decorating the living room is he? And it not really the kind of stuff that therapists make money off either. Calm it down

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I don't need to calm it down, rude. Maybe you do though.

Some mothers look forward to throwing their children's birthday parties and decorating and making it special for them, and it's not for anyone to take it away from them.

Duvetsse · 25/05/2025 17:14

Next year have it at home, no matter the lack of space.
I can understand your irritations but she might be just trying to help.

Next year, get in first, a month before that you will do it at home this year.

Coconutter24 · 25/05/2025 17:16

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 16:57

But you get so few birthdays where you get to decorate the room for them and get/make them a cake and they're excited about it.

I would be really upset OP but I would buy what I wanted and next time don't do it at her house.

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You do get so few birthdays where you can decorate and get a cake and they’re excited by it…. Age 2 isn’t really one of those birthdays

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:17

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 17:09

I don't need to calm it down, rude. Maybe you do though.

Some mothers look forward to throwing their children's birthday parties and decorating and making it special for them, and it's not for anyone to take it away from them.

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Disagreeing with you is not rude! And the so few birthdays that kids remember are from about 4 onwards.

OP should just go with the flow and enjoy this one. In future, she can be more assertive and tell her mum that she will be doing it all but considering DS isn't even going to remember this one, there's no point get all dramatic about it.

Letmecallyouback · 25/05/2025 17:24

Thing is at 2 years old he won’t have a clue what birthday means anyway and will forget the following day.

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 17:27

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:17

Disagreeing with you is not rude! And the so few birthdays that kids remember are from about 4 onwards.

OP should just go with the flow and enjoy this one. In future, she can be more assertive and tell her mum that she will be doing it all but considering DS isn't even going to remember this one, there's no point get all dramatic about it.

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No the way you disagreed was rude, telling me to "calm it down".

I disagree with you regardless, even at 2 kids have things they like. Even if they don't remember it, it doesn't matter. They know their mom pays attention to them and what they like vs just spiderman because it was available.

Ophy83 · 25/05/2025 17:30

He won't mind if it's spiderman... But he probably would get really excited if it was his favourite character and spiderman wouldn't get that same reaction

You can either get something different for the party, or go along with it but decorate your own house in whatever he's actually in to... e.g. a big character birthday banner or balloon and a special breakfast with pancakes or toast and fruit arranged in the theme (Instagram has lots of food art inspo!), maybe a little cake for the 2 of you etc

waterrat · 25/05/2025 17:34

She has been a parent to a 2 year old this is now your turn.

It doesn't matter if he remembers or not it's about the fun of planning it..it's not fir anyone else to say if the OP shouldn't care !!

Op I'd give honest. Say mum that's kind but I was really looking forward to it myself shall we keep yours for another day

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:37

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 17:27

No the way you disagreed was rude, telling me to "calm it down".

I disagree with you regardless, even at 2 kids have things they like. Even if they don't remember it, it doesn't matter. They know their mom pays attention to them and what they like vs just spiderman because it was available.

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Well, you're really overthinking this.

In 30 years time, when DS see a photo of a spiderman themed 2nd birthday party of him, his mum and his nan together smiling and happy do you really he is going say "OMG, you utter cow mum, I really hated spiderman when I was 2! I shall disown you from my life forthwith forever!"

No, that's not going to happen is it?

The OPs mum is doing a really nice thing here and that's a good thing, takes a village and all that shizzle! So the OP should just enjoy it, have a happy day with her son just like her mum wants her to have.

It's really not that deep!

Anxioustealady · 25/05/2025 17:42

Tagyoureit · 25/05/2025 17:37

Well, you're really overthinking this.

In 30 years time, when DS see a photo of a spiderman themed 2nd birthday party of him, his mum and his nan together smiling and happy do you really he is going say "OMG, you utter cow mum, I really hated spiderman when I was 2! I shall disown you from my life forthwith forever!"

No, that's not going to happen is it?

The OPs mum is doing a really nice thing here and that's a good thing, takes a village and all that shizzle! So the OP should just enjoy it, have a happy day with her son just like her mum wants her to have.

It's really not that deep!

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Did I say anything like that?

It's not a nice thing to overstep. If OP wants to decorate for her sons birthday, she gets to.