If you are divorced…

[Whynort]

(Just to say I’d rather not hear any stories of DV just as I’m hoping to get stories of where it’s not as clear cut, my apologies I just am not equipped right now to support anyone with these stories and I know they can trigger a lot of other readers too, again my apologies I just want to hear from those who have divorced from things such as other half’s unreasonable behaviour / mood swings / feeling unsupported)

How long were you married for before you knew the person wasn’t the one for you in the end and you knew you had to get out?

How long were you married for?

Was your life actually better after divorcing or does any part of you wish you’d stayed?

Bumps

So I was married 7 years . I do look back and think was he really that bad. I think I got married way too young which didn’t help. Some of the men I’ve met since getting divorced make me think I’d never bother getting married again .

I regret my divorce. We should have tried harder and waited a while after separation before divorcing, longer than two years you need to.

I am 50 this year, have been divorced 15 years and I still miss him. On top of that, I’m lonely and I can’t see myself meeting anyone else now.

Divorce in haste, repent at leisure.

@LillieLoo ah but he’d be a middle aged grumpy bloke by now! Driving you mad.

We were together for 8yrs married for 7. Been divorced 12yrs. Not for one second have I regretted it!

In retrospect I think we got married and had kids way too young. He was too selfish and unwilling to change and I wasn’t strong enough to confront him when there were problems and I wasn’t happy. I stayed probably 7yrs too long, but I wanted to make it work because we had kids and were married and I took that seriously.

The red flags were there that we weren’t compatible but I only saw the good and I loved being loved.

Married 10 years, together 18. When our second (last) child was born, so about 2 years before we actually separated. He was an alcoholic (in recovery for last two years).

I am so much happier divorced. Finances have been harder, but I am a better mum and a more joyful person than I could be with him.

17 years, I should have left sooner.
He was controlling and I was constantly walking on eggshells. He eventually cheated.

I met my current dh shortly after we split. We have been married 20 years and have 2 kids.
Life is so much better. I can be me again!

I should have divorced 9 years before I did, but then I wouldn’t have my child so that was the price for an Angel DC

A year. I knew he was lying, but it took another 15 months for me to leave as I was a new mum and terrified.

Lasted 10.5 years but should never have married him.

7 years it got worse and I tried everything as didn’t want to have any regrets for when I left.

He wasn’t trying and thought we were in it for life, when I left he was full of regret and bombarding me with messages, but I was done.

I left with no regrets, I don’t miss him at all, I just wish I had left sooner.

I was married 8 years, together for 12 years. We changed, it happens....

Heheheh! You’re right, you’re right! He would be! I think I’m just having a bad day!

Thank you x

Together 11 years, married 6.
No I don’t regret the divorce and life is definitely more interesting and fulfilling now. We were stuck in a rut and the sex had gone but we were good friends, made a pretty good team and shared a similar mindset on life. We could have drifted through life together steadily enough but sexual incompatibility is a big problem when you are only in your mid thirties.
I do sometimes miss the company and having that default person to share life with but luckily I have other good friends without the complications and I have a far more active and interesting life now making the effort to workout and travel instead of the rut of takeaways and tv!

Married in total 18 years, but knew it wasn't right quite early on but was pregnant so tried to make a go of it.

Life was infinitely better within days of him moving out, even the DC say so as he is not an easy man to live with.

10 years on the DCs have a good, if distant, relationship with XH, I have no contact with XH other than if we are in the same place for the DC - eg 21st birthday party / graduation etc and we can be civil.

XH is about to inherit a 7 figure sum and despite the fact that I am in a low paid job with a huge mortgage in my 50s, I would still rather be with DH than back with XH.

I got married at 19 to a man 17 years older. 2 children and 7 years married. I should have divorced him sooner, I knew years before I finally had the balls to leave that it wasn’t a good relationship but I was holding on to hope. I divorced him on grounds of unreasonable behavior. My life is far better without him (I’m now 8 years on) and have no regrets about telling him to leave (or rather when he said as he did many times if you don’t like it I’ll leave and one day I said yes, go on then he didn’t know what to do lol)

Husband number 1, 8 years. Divorced due to domestic violence, all round shit show. Divorce was hideous, took 5 years. Endless court hearings and custody battle. I eventually got 100% custody with no visitation rights for him. No regrets whatsoever just angry the courts let us go through that for so long.
Number 2 death by 1000 cuts. He stopped working after marriage, devoted 100% of his time on his variety of hobbies, wasted money and racked up debt, sex pest, sulker. This marriage lasted 20 years and he left for someone else then got dumped and wanted to come back. I said no.
He tried to fleece me but got nothing as I'd earned it all before I met him. I paid for a shit hot divorce solicitor, two visits only and acted on his advice. Got shot of him pretty quick.
I was devastated as he'd worked on me love bombing and gaslighted and I didn't know what I was doing anymore.
I've since had comprehensive counselling to work through why I always choose useless men and have decided not to get married again. I'm just not prepared to lose everything I've worked for on a bad choice. If someone loves me they will have to accept this as a condition of our relationship.
My DS will get my house and money nobody else.

Together for 13 years married for 11. He walked out when I had a serious illness. He just couldn't deal with it. Also turned out he'd been having an affair for the previous 5 months,with the sister of one of his work colleagues the whole time I was ill. He also left me with thousands of pounds worth of debt,mainly rent on our council flat that I discovered that he hadn't been paying for months (he was the sole earner,I'd been a stay at home mum),also car finance, council tax and various store cards that he'd taken out with no intention of repaying. So not only was I trying to recover from a serious illness,I also had all his financial shit to deal with,with bailiffs at the door and letters from debt collectors. Although I was seriously gutted about the whole thing at the time,I now think he did me a massive favour. 30 years on,I can't imagine a life with him now.

Married 5 years separated 6. So happy now!!! No regrets,,,

Married for thirty six happy, contented years (or so I thought), finally financially comfortable (inheritance) when he decided that the grass was greener elsewhere and buggered off with a woman he had only known a few months. He behaved so atrociously that once some time had passed, my children and I realised we were all happier without him and never looked back.

What a great post, This is very similar to my situation

I realized about 7 years in. We were married for 24 years. I have never regretted my divorce, I wish I had done it sooner.

Married 7 years, together 12 but waited another 6 years trying to make it work before giving up. I don't regret marrying him or having kids with him, he was the one, he just wasn't prepared to put in the emotional work or fight for the marriage. Yes life is brilliant post divorce and I'm much happier now. Wasn't easy, lots of grieving and tough times involved. I would be a shell of a person if I was still married to him.

Together 11 years. Married 2. I don’t regret the divorce one bit. He’s abandoned our children and I’m a single, sole parent but I absolutely made the right decision for myself and for my children. Life now has its up and downs but I’m happier without him. I can see with distance that he was poison and made everything worse.

Married eight years. I don't regret it at all. Another one who abandoned his kids! Just disappeared into the ether and blocked them from contacting him. Haven't heard from him in years.
But I'm not divorced because I have no idea where he is.

We were together 17 yrs married for 14 when I finally had enough and told him to go back to his girlfriend. It was said in anger as all he would talk about was this one woman from work. Guess where he moved in that night??? He still denys he was having an affair, she was just a good friend that had a spare bed when I told him to leave. I'm glad I did as I wouldn't have met my now partner but I thought we were just going through a rough patch and would come out the other side as we had been thru so much to let an argument split us up.