AIBU to think this is bullying?

[cantthinkofausername26]

I was on long term sick for 6 months. My boss didn’t contact me once to ask if I was ok. All communication was through HR.
i am back at work now and have been for 6 weeks. My boss has still not spoken to me, popped down to see if I’m ok, says welcome back. She doesn’t email me, she doesn’t reply to emails, I’ve literally not seen her in 6 weeks. For context there are only 6 people in my department that age manages.
I feel like it’s deliberate. She chats to everyone else, has meetings and catch ups, but I’m invisible.
when someone else went on long term sick a few years ago she did the same to him.
I feel like it’s emotional bullying. AIBU?

I don't know your workplace culture, but your HR sound rather OTT in my experience. It's possible that she has the slightest of ideas about what has been going on with your absence, that she may be wondering if she's done something wrong and doesn't have anyone to ask.... with what sounds like a very controlling HR body, it actually sounds rather hard to "manage". Wherever I have worked, the things you describe them doing are a managers job, and any HR involvment would be advisory if required. HR involvement at that degree would have indicated a grievance against the manager or something else quite serious.

Just saying - she may be scared of you!

This would make so much sense! I don’t think she does know much at all about why I was off. This would explain a lot. Thank you for this perspective, you’ve made me think differently about it.

You've had no negative interactions, yet you think she is bullying you? Sorry but you sound like a complainer. Maybe she sees this in you too, so she's avoiding you a bit because she's worried you'd run to a manager to complain about her for piling on work or making you take on too much too soon.

Sorry for the jump, but you haven't given many details, so i may be adding 2 and 2 and getting 7.

Based on this post, I'd be worried about saying anything to the OP and would be staying well clear aswell. It sounds as though OP is spoiling for an issue and some form of complaint.

Thanks for that but I haven’t complained to anyone about anything!

My boss didn’t contact me once to ask if I was ok. All communication was through HR.

I've seen loads of posts on the Exit the classroom, leave teaching and thrive Facebook group where people are off sick and refusing to speak to anyone at the school and loads of replies telling them that's fine and to go through HR if anyone wants contact!

It's odd you have not bothered to go and speak to your boss either since you've been back at work but have concluded they are probably bullying you??

Ok thanks for your ‘interesting’ perspective

I guessed you were a teacher as soon as I read your post! Teachers can get really arsey when their colleagues are off sick. It always has a negative impact on others in terms of setting work, marking, and even taking on additional classes. Your HOD is being unreasonable if your period of sickness was unavoidable. Unfortunately there are a fair few teachers who take the piss and stay off till their pay goes down to half pay then miraculously return at the six month mark.

Ok I’m out. Thanks for the useful comments, and thanks to the keyboard warriors for your shitty attempts at trying to be nasty. Bye!

No one is really being shitty, you just didn't get people agreeing with you that you are being bullied?

You provided limited information about background and were surprised with unhelpful responses.

No not bullying or treating you badly she knows the rest of the staff better than she knows you that's all

Ignoring and excluding OP as punishment for being off sick is definitely unprofessional. If this woman is OP's line manager, she cannot make a unilateral decision to stop managing her. OP could have grounds for a complaint.

As another poster has suggested that OP looks at this from a different perspective and OP has taken this on board and thanked that poster, your accusation that OP is just looking for a fight and to make a complaint is entirely misplaced and unfair.

I don’t think this is bullying.

Many workplaces are very HR heavy these days. In my work a manager wouldn’t dream of contacting an employee on sick leave or mat leave to ask how they are. They could claim they are being harnessed when already unwell or that they feel pressured to come back to work.

As for the return to work, again many people would kick off at their manager asking how they are now after a long period of illness as it is a personal and private matter.

My employer doesn’t even give references anymore. It all has to go through HR so is very impersonal. Just “X worked in Y position for these dates” and nothing more.

It sounds like your school is the same. Anything which could be “tricky” is dealt with by HR so that everything is definitely above board.

Name changed for this one - I can hear the bullying accusations coming as I type. Apparently I contacted one of my direct reports too often when they were on sick leave - this is despite my asking them more than once how often they wanted to be contacted. When they come back - if they come back - the relationship between us will be very, very different. There'll be no more turning a blind eye to the amount of time spent booking holidays online, ordering dried flower arrangements, coming back late from lunch, or cosy little requests for lunchtime stepdad celebrations or popping home to sort the dishwasher out.

I've never come across anything like this in 30 years in the workplace. Doesn't help that they're not really working at the level they should be e and the last manager - who left under something of a cloud - was their mate and they used to go on holiday together. Most other people in this role at this level have a degree if not a master's or are willing to study for one.

Person's sibling and best friend also work in the same department and if looks could have killed last week I'd be floating about in a sheet costume by now. The whole department is a bit weird - it's like being back in the playground a lot of the time. I'm certainly not planning on staying there long now if I can find a suitable job elsewhere. I normally stay on very congenial terms with most people I've worked with, whether they're managers or direct reports but both the organisations I've worked for in this part of the world have me scratching my head at their behaviours. It's one of the areas Reform won in the local elections, that tells you everything you need to know about their mentality and this person often makes comments that are downright racist.

One accusation that has had me going wtaf though is that apparently I follow them about - into the kitchen when they go to get a cup of tea and into other offices. Since I bring in a flask from home I'm utterly mystified on the first and the only time I've done the latter is when they were away for half an hour and I needed to ask someone in the other office something about a project we were working on.

I really do have doubts about whether it's something in the water in this part of the country as they all seem to be so bloody weird!

Interesting response.

Exactly, there is a toxic environment in many schools. I’d find it hard to avoid my HoD though and would have had to go and have a chat myself within a week! Was your relationship before your absence like that?

Are there no departmental meetings?

I would email him or her to request a meeting.

It's definitely not bullying. It's poor management. She should have checked in.

I am surprised by some of the replies you are getting OP...

The job of any manager is to be aware of what each member of their team is doing and to be in regular communication with them.

There is absolutely no excuse for her not to reply to your emails or to fail to set up regular catch-up meetings with you.

When one employee is purposely treated differently from the rest of a team, for example by being excluded from meetings or not being given the information/support they need to be able to do their job, it is indeed bullying.

If this is new behaviour from your manager after your sick leave I would assume she was annoyed that you were away for six months, especially if it was for anything to do with mental health issues/stress (as it might mean that her style of management could have contributed to your burn out and she is seeing this as a threat)

I would be very careful from now on about how you interact with her and keep detailed notes of all the emails that are being ignored and every instances where you feel excluded.

She definitely should have checked in when you came back, I think schools/teachers often aren't great at management because people get into it to teach, so they get scared, contact HR and let them do it all. I suspect she didn't contact you when you were off because she was worried it was harassing when you needed peace to recover, so I wouldn't dwell on it.
It won't improve unless someone changes it, I suggest you try and speak to her , knock ok her door at breaktime or pull her to one side in the staff room and try a "we've not caught up since I got back, can we pop a monthly catch up in, I really value your support and I've missed catch ups, it'd also be great to get the info from any meetings I've missed"
You've then specifically asked for the help. If it doesn't happen,she's doing it deliberately or is overwhelmed/incompetent.
I do think in a lot of cases it's just lack of communication- she might think you need a break, don't want extra tasks or managerial involvement stressing you out, whereas you feel ignored. Ask for what you want, and if she's rude or unforthcoming then at least you know for sure. Assuming it's bullying is probably a stretch at this point, she's not being actively mean.

Tbh, your HOD sounds like a right bitch. Whatever happened to good manners? 🙄

Tbh, I think all this could have been nipped in the bud six weeks ago. Maybe you could have just popped your head round the door and suggested a catch up/whether any issues you need to be aware of, which you need updating on. To be harbouring this for six weeks means it’s now made things awkward. Just go into work after the holidays and knock on her door. You will feel so much better.

Definitely not bullying.

Honestly the fact you even suggest it's bullying shows me your colleagues are probably wary of you and keep their distance in case you accuse them of something and go off sick again.

Where I work public sector if someone off Long term. With stress we are not allowed to contact them. All contact is directly through HR. Any direct contact to be avoided in case accusations of adding to their stress are put forward.

Agree. Same where I work 6 months full pay then amazing recovery and back at work when it drops to half pay