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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbour being a nightmare

41 replies

Crazylou1981 · 23/05/2025 22:10

Hi,

AIBU we moved to a village a few months ago to a house that needed work. The old lady had died and the house had not been updated in sometime.

We started by replacing the boiler, new electric board and car charger. Well our new neighbour flipped out at our workmen and told them noone told her this would be happening as she works nights.
I went to apologise that evening and she spoke about it scaring her. Then proceeded to tell me how the old lady died in our house.

We had several jobs which were emergencies and knocked reluctantly to say we are going to make noise.
She then ranted at my husband about the noise of another job we had to do as the builder changed the day she didn't answer the door even though she was in todsy. I then put notes through her door as she wouldn't always answer the door.
This week I had a bit of I cba with it all.
I was sanding on Monday no issue. She today then kicked off at the gardeners today because they were too noisy. First time we ever had gardeners and only because we have a lovely garden and not idea what to do. One gardener said he doesn't expect to be verbally abused. She swore at them etc.

I have had enough of treading on
Egg shells we only moved in February. I actually cannot stand the woman.

Are we being unreasonable. We are not doing diy every week we are doing as and when
We get time and
Can afford

Please help

OP posts:
pilates · 23/05/2025 22:14

Just ignore her and crack on.

Perhaps warn tradesmen you have an unbalanced neighbour.

HeyPooPooHead · 23/05/2025 22:16

By law you’re allowed to make noise in the day time, however it might be worth working out when she sleeps so that particularly noisy DIY and gardening can take place towards the end of her sleeping period. For example if she sleeps 8-3, you could start work at 1pm and finish at 7pm

BMW6 · 23/05/2025 22:17

It's not your fault she works nights. You are perfectly entitled to do work on your home within the legal parameters.

Tell her to get earplugs and if she persists to just FO.

HeyPooPooHead · 23/05/2025 22:17

Obviously workmen are likely to need to do 8-4 or whatever

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 23/05/2025 22:19

Post her some foam earbuds... And stop apologising

She doesn't own the street.

SpryCat · 23/05/2025 22:20

You are doing nothing wrong, whether she works night or not, the work on your house still needs doing. I think she is trying to intimidate you, to be too scared to make any noise. I wouldn’t bother knocking or posting anything through her door. She has verbally abused your gardener! If she comes out guns blazing, just tell her, the work will carry on until the house is completed and stop verbally abusing everyone. Don’t apologise and just ignore her.

Citytocountry1 · 23/05/2025 22:24

I feel for you. We are on the opposite side of the equation with a new neighbour who is being a nightmare with noise (not even diy) after hours. Stick to your guns and work within your legal limit with regards to noise and work.

I think we have been too soft with our crazy noisy neighbour. The minute people think they can get away with being in charge, it gets worse. So I think you need to be firm when you are working within the reasonable regs on noise etc

how I wish our awful neighbours were her neighbours. Unreasonable people never seem to live beside each other!

Perimama · 23/05/2025 22:24

I would send her a letter saying you are sorry she is being disturbed but the fact is the house needs working on and you are entitled to have work done in daytime hours. Then I would just ignore her.

Our neighbours did up their house over the course of 18 months. Yes, it was horrible having to listen to all the noise, but totally their right to do it.

Duvetsse · 23/05/2025 22:28

If she abuses anyone else coming to do work during regular business hours, report her and encourage them to report her too.

Noise is annoying but people are entitled to do work on their homes while being respectful of their neighbours.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 23/05/2025 22:57

It's a bit of a tricky one, OP! Workmen and women also have set working hours, and are unlikely to want to work around your neighbour's sleeping habits. You also need a house that works for you and your family and, like you said, work gets done as and when you can afford to do it. Please don't let your neighbour bully you out of your house.

My NDN's reputation precedes him. I avoid dealing with him as much as possible. I just warn the workers, some of whom- alarmingly- know who he is (or, at least, know of his reputation). Perhaps this is partly why some of them have declined doing paid work for me 😒

Chambers9 · 23/05/2025 22:59

Is your house detached?

HelplessSoul · 24/05/2025 05:59

If possible, film her abusiveness and then call the Police.

Every. Single. Time.

Do not pander to her. Tough shit she works nights - thats on her, not you.

Ignore her from now on and call the Police everytime she trespasses on your property to abuse you or your tradesfolk.

Original poster
Crazylou1981 · 24/05/2025 06:24

Thank you all.
We are semi detached but she is who we attached too.

OP posts:
BelindaCardAisle · 24/05/2025 06:30

Was your neighbour aware of your planned works?
I would always inform my neighbours of any work and the schedule, and them ours (although we aren't attached). My husband works nights, and a heads up means he could make alternative plans/changes.

RedRosesAndGypsophelia · 24/05/2025 06:33

I would post her some earplugs and a nice note explaining that if I hear one more peep out of her she will be listening to heavy metal at full volume for 12 hours a day until she gets the message.....

Meadowfinch · 24/05/2025 06:36

Yanbu. You cannot be expected to put your life on hold because she works nights. I had this exact problem and you have to put some general rules in place.

Your contractors must be allowed to work. The renovations need to be done. Just be mindful, outside of those works that she may be sleeping, and try not to disturb her on other days.

She needs to accept that work is going on next door but that it won't be for ever. She can try ear plugs, white noise etc.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 24/05/2025 06:40

If she's used to living next to a single older lady , any day to day noise you make will seem loud.

I'd maintain a polite but aloof manner. Warn her for louder works like drilling or banging but otherwise crack on.

feelingbleh · 24/05/2025 06:41

Yanbu i can understand why it's annoying for her but people do, need to do work in their homes and unfortunately she has to just suck it up. If you work nights you either need to learn to sleep through noise or wear earplugs

Slobberchops1 · 24/05/2025 06:47

I can’t believe the amount of uncaring people on here .

yes legally you are allowed to do what you like during he day but crikes have a little empathy.

the woman had been working nights and probably tired and you are constantly disrupting her sleep - imagine someone banging on your walls at 2am Because that’s her equivalent

you don’t need to halt all work but maybe ask when her days off are or when she’s actually sleeping and do the loud noisy work around this . You are going to be living in close proximity for a long time , try and be a little amendable

JustMyView13 · 24/05/2025 06:51

You local council will have rules about when noisy work can take place. It often looks something like - between 8am and 6pm Monday to Friday, and between 9am and 1pm on a Saturday.
Google your areas rules, stick to it, and get on with your life.

SparklyGlitterballs · 24/05/2025 06:51

She sounds like a nutter. I get that it's a disturbance if you work nights, but it's not your job to work around her unsocial hours. I'd post her a written note saying that it's not unreasonable for you to be updating an older property that has been neglected and that if she continues to abuse you or your tradespeople, you will have no option but to report her for harassment. State the obvious that this won't be forever, just until you get the property in a liveable and safe condition. Maybe put a box of wax earplugs in the envelope for good measure 😁

Koazy · 24/05/2025 06:53

Stop apologising and pandering and get it done

Meadowfinch · 24/05/2025 07:01

Slobberchops1 · 24/05/2025 06:47

I can’t believe the amount of uncaring people on here .

yes legally you are allowed to do what you like during he day but crikes have a little empathy.

the woman had been working nights and probably tired and you are constantly disrupting her sleep - imagine someone banging on your walls at 2am Because that’s her equivalent

you don’t need to halt all work but maybe ask when her days off are or when she’s actually sleeping and do the loud noisy work around this . You are going to be living in close proximity for a long time , try and be a little amendable

Edited

It isn't being uncaring. Contractors don't work like that.

It is hard enough to find a decent builder or plumber or electrician. They generally work from 8-4 and want to get on with it. Their time is money. So it is better for everyone, to get things done and finished as quickly as possible.

And as for gardening, there is absolutely no excuse for her abusing people who are working legitimate hours. Gardening happens all year, and she just needs to get used to it. She cannot expect the world to stop for her.

FuppinNora · 24/05/2025 07:02

I was in the situation of your neighbour, working nights and next door being updated by new neighbours. They were doing a lot of it themselves ot family members so it went on for months with days here and there. This was actually worse as you didn't know when it was going to start putting me on edge going to sleep after a night shift. With semi detached you can hear every nail and every tap.
They did always tell me when the real noisy works were.
She shouldn't be abusing people but I do have sympathy for her and sleep deprivation

feelingbleh · 24/05/2025 07:03

Slobberchops1 · 24/05/2025 06:47

I can’t believe the amount of uncaring people on here .

yes legally you are allowed to do what you like during he day but crikes have a little empathy.

the woman had been working nights and probably tired and you are constantly disrupting her sleep - imagine someone banging on your walls at 2am Because that’s her equivalent

you don’t need to halt all work but maybe ask when her days off are or when she’s actually sleeping and do the loud noisy work around this . You are going to be living in close proximity for a long time , try and be a little amendable

Edited

Do you know how hard it is to get decent workmen if you start getting picky on when they can and can't work it's just going to drag the work out significantly longer which will be even more annoying then just getting it done and over with

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