New neighbour being a nightmare

[Crazylou1981]

Hi,

AIBU we moved to a village a few months ago to a house that needed work. The old lady had died and the house had not been updated in sometime.

We started by replacing the boiler, new electric board and car charger. Well our new neighbour flipped out at our workmen and told them noone told her this would be happening as she works nights.
I went to apologise that evening and she spoke about it scaring her. Then proceeded to tell me how the old lady died in our house.

We had several jobs which were emergencies and knocked reluctantly to say we are going to make noise.
She then ranted at my husband about the noise of another job we had to do as the builder changed the day she didn't answer the door even though she was in todsy. I then put notes through her door as she wouldn't always answer the door.
This week I had a bit of I cba with it all.
I was sanding on Monday no issue. She today then kicked off at the gardeners today because they were too noisy. First time we ever had gardeners and only because we have a lovely garden and not idea what to do. One gardener said he doesn't expect to be verbally abused. She swore at them etc.

I have had enough of treading on
Egg shells we only moved in February. I actually cannot stand the woman.

Are we being unreasonable. We are not doing diy every week we are doing as and when
We get time and
Can afford

Please help

• Be as reasonable as you can but don't put up with abuse. She may well work nights but that doesn't make it ok to verbally abuse her neighbours or their workers. I'd continue the work at reasonable hours but as she's being abusive rather than having polite conversations with you, perhaps stop engaging with her directly and stop knocking on her door. Just be prepared to have future issues.
• It seems like the second any work started, she became hostile. Probably used to silence with the old lady before. There have now been a number of incidents including her swearing at the gardeners so you might want to think how much more you feel is reasonable before her behaviour starts heading towards harassment.
• Although it may not be her intention and she may not feel she's causing you harassment, some of her reactions so far may put her on dodgy ground if you were to turn the tables and report her. There are appropriate ways to complain about building noise which do not involve swearing at contractors and shouting at your neighbours.
• The definition of harassment is usually repeated contacts on more than one occasion which can include:

• Verbal abuse: Insults, threats, or offensive comments directed at someone.

• Creating a hostile environment: Repeatedly using language or engaging in behavior that makes someone feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Don't ask where all the bullet points came from ...

Are the workmen being respectful? Eg ref their radios, shouting to each other?

She won't be doing 7 days of nights. She will be doing 3 or 4 . Can you ask/ figure out her shift pattern? Do the noisy work in adjoining rooms when she's not at work that night?

But generally a gardener cutting grass etc should be expected.

You cannot have builders etc working like that, A day here a day there etc!

It just won’t work.

Be aware of when the legal timings are for this and then work within those parameters only. I'd leave her a strongly worded note that work needs to be done as and when and if she is abusive to workmen you will report it. What will she do if you have a child that is up in the night or a yappy dog? I wouldn't engage with her any further than this.

Our neighbour does nights and asked if we could get ds to play basketball at another time as it would wake her. We had the hoop at the front of our house and her bedroom was at the front. I said we'd move it to the back and that worked for everyone.

Anyone who has had tradespeople in knows its better to allow them to work the hours that they do and get the job done quickly. If you start specifying hours that suit your neighbour you will struggle to find someone and even if you do the job will go on for ages.

Neighbour must have known whoever bought the property they would be updating it. Yep it noisy and inconvenient, but it won’t be forever. Just crack on with it OP. I can empathise with the neighbours position, but neighbour, surely can help herself, by wearing earplugs, white noise, sleeping in another room temporarily etc. good luck with your renovations and ignore stories of previous owners death etc. what a thing to say to a couple renovating a property! Most homes have had someone die in them over the years.

Op, I suspect you have the same issue I had. I also bought a house after an old lady had lived there for a long time. The old lady never played music or had any work done or had friends round. No dancing or laughing or chatting, she was very elderly and quiet. My semi-detached neighbour, who also worked nights, had become accustomed to complete silence.

Any family, moving in and renovating, hosting guests, coming and going at normal hours will be offensive to such neighbours no matter what you do, so try not to take it personally. Hopefully they will get used to normal living in time. Or move somewhere remote and detached.

Just ignore her completely. No more notes or warnings.

If she works nights then it's her own problem to get sleep during the day, she can't expect all her neighbours to live in silence to please her.

Yanbu the work you’ve carried out so far isn’t something I’d pre warn neighbours about. I only prewarn neighbours for proper building work like walls coming down and long term stuff.

It would take 10 years to do anything 😆 it just doesn’t work like this.

OP is perfectly on her rights to carry out building work in the day…

Someone was found dead at the bottom of the stairs in my house. I don't even think about it. I'm sure some people would struggle with that but unless you only buy new build (even then there's no guarantee) people die in houses all the time.

Have you lived in a house that requires a lot of work? It’s not possible to work around that sort of schedule, including your own. It’s lucky if you find a decent person to get the work done at all. I understand why you’re saying that we don’t need to be deliberately unfeeling towards our neighbours, but it’s just not realistic. Her swearing at OP’s workers is also 100% unacceptable.

OP, I’d stop letting her have power over you. She’s lived a long time with quiet neighbours and she’s moody that her life has changed. The sooner you crack on with job, the sooner you’ll be finished.

lol at the person who thinks you can tell builders you can come on Mondays and Thursdays only because the neighbour works nights. Good luck. Because they have so much work on any decent ones won’t want the hassle of your picky choosy, they went to get in get the job done bish bash bosh. They don’t want to be flitting your job and someone else’s on random days.

You’ve tried warning her you’re doing normal jobs in normal hours.

She knew a never worked on house would need work she’s just got used to the silence. I completely expect it when our elderly neighbour who’s been in hospital since before Christmas finally passes it’s going to be a shock having a whole family and the work the house will require but that’s life and I work from home.

I totally agree with you.

Yes legally one can do work in their house in the day but if one knows it will cause sleep disturbances for someone working nights there should be a little more consideration. Especially as one never knows when they might need a little consideration in return from that neighbour someday.

A lot of people on here assume she’s a crazy person but actually I would see it that things must have got pretty bad for her to shout at random people like that, especially if her more civil requests have been ignored.

I would say there are absolute necessities that need to be one in the house and there are things that arn’t such as gardening. If it was me I would try and slot in the less than necessary things into more convenient times for her or even wait some months to do them. The garden did not need sorting out immediately and could have been done on one of her days off.

The problem is both neighbours have lost each others trust now; one doesn’t trust that the other will be considerate and they have been proved right on many occasions now so will be less amenable to any work at all being done and the other doesn’t trust that their neighbour won’t fly off the handle and shout at their workers.

If it was me I would give some flowers to apologise and give her a weeks rest from work being done in the house, tell her when it will start up again, tell your workers to be as respectful as possible and try and get some trust back otherwise this could be a very unpleasant living situation.

It doesn’t matter who is more in the wrong here, it’s about keeping a pleasant relationship with your neighbour.

Have you done a 3rd party wall agreement? It says in ours that work should stop after 1pm on Saturdays and no noisy work on Sundays/Bank Holiday Mondays. This has, however, not stopped our idiot neighbours who have also attempted to dig up our drive to connect pipes to the mains (without permission from the relevant water company) or drilling on the roof on Sundays.

I kind of empathise with the neighbour, my DH works shifts, but you are of course entitled to do work on your house. She, however, is NOT entitled to verbally abuse you/workmen. You could involve solicitors, but this obviously impacts future sale of house if she’s still your neighbour. I would bear in mind what your council says re DIY/noise and stick to that. I’m hoping you paid for a 3rd party wall agreement as you’re doing work that impacts her.

It’s not uncaring to have work done on your house during the day. It’s madness to think it is.

Thank you all.
Unfortunately she has never spoken to us nicely. It is usually rude. My husband is quite calm so she never gets an argument out of him.

This neighbour made my son’s driving instructor move because he parked on the street outside her house. Literally waiting for my son.

Out gardeners arrived at 11.45 yesterday.

I do have empathy as I too work nights once a month.
But I do not think she has the right to be abusive.