I'm sorry. I wrote a really blunt reply the other night. I was tired and had had a drink 🥴.
My husband isn't diagnosed, but he very obviously has high functioning autism.
He's generally a good man. He's an excellent provider. He's a wonderful dad.
But there is absolutely no emotional connection. He just hasn't got that capability - with anyone. He was also bought up in a family they only communicate in small talk. Nothing deep. And I don't think this has helped matters.
It's so isolating and lonely some days. Sometimes I can cope with it absolutely fine. Other days, it gets me down.
My DH hates socialising and wouldn't care much if he never saw my family or his own to be honest. He's a very independent and "solo" person. He doesn't need connections. I desperately do. But because of his ways, he is socially awkward, he ends up making an uncomfortable atmosphere when I do get people round. He's not doing it purposefully. It's just how he is. It means over the years, I've just stopped bothering to have people over or organise social gatherings. Some days I feel very lonely. Loneliness really hits me hard occasionally. I do have friends, but seeing their lives and marriages just makes me feel even more "other".
Also, because I've got unmet needs (quite vital ones ) I fear bringing friends too close to me. I think I would end up trying to 'need' too much from the friendship and end up being too suffocating and needy. So I've always got a bit of a barrier up and keep them at a safe distance. Similar with family.
To be honest, I'm happiest when the kids bring their friends round and the house is full of children. I really enjoy that.
All in all though, I haven't got it bad. From the outside I've got a great life and I'm truly thankful for it. It's just that loneliness without an emotional connection. I feel like I've moaned a lot and probably sound like a feeling sorry for myself. But, just solidarity to you op. I think most others would advise you to build friendships and hobbies, and that Is the correct way to navigate your needs being met.