Mixed or single sex Secondary school?

[Secondaryeducation]

Just that really. What are your thoughts?

If I had a girl, all other things being equal, I would choose single sex. All studies show that girls do better in a single sex school environment. Opposite for boys, I think.

It depends on whether its a boy or a girl.

Girls do much better academically and probably socially in single-sex environments because they don't have to deal with the disruption and attention seeking that boys create and they also focus less on how boys see them, which is disastrous at that age. I was desperate to avoid having my DD in a mixed sex secondary.

I think boys probably do better in a mixed sex environment because girls tend to be better socialised, work harder at school and have more self control.

Did you manage to get your daughter in a single sex school? Did she want single sex or mixed?

Same as PPs.
There will be others along soon to say how they were horrendously bullied at their girls school and, in a mixed environment, boys help defuse and diffuse the mean-girls

@Secondaryeducation I did, yes, I was lucky there was a good local one. She also wanted single sex, thankfully.

I think I'd still probably have pushed the issue if she hadn't though. Obviously I have nothing against boys and girls aren't angels but I boys at that age are a very distracting and limiting influence on girls who want to do well at school.

Girls can be horrendous bullies, for sure, and single sex schooling doesn't protect against bullying, it's not really about bullying.

For me it's that there's something about the way pubescent boys feel the need to develop a sense of social superiority over girls which can be profoundly limiting to a girl with low self-esteem. It curbs their confidence and their sense of agency and it can really stunt their development. A self-confident and intelligent girl will be fine but their self-esteem at that age is so fragile.

And I didn't want my daughter to start feeling the pressure to look or behave in a certain way to please or appease boys. It's bad enough in a single sex school but with the pressure of boys commenting on their appearance or making toxic remarks etc it would be a million times worse.

Boys also have fragile self-esteem for sure but its more impacted by the views of other boys than it is by the views of girls.

Patriarchy innit. I want to keep my daughter away from it for as long as possible.

I went to SS and so does my daughter and son is at mixed. I agree with you.
But, understandably, there will be those that had different experiences. What studies show on a large scale may not apply at an individual level - there are so many things that cannot be accounted for such as one’s personality, the peer group (which is complete pot luck), strengths of the school etc

I went to an all girls school for a while and there is absolutely no chance I'd ever send my dd to one. I wasn't bullied and had some great friends, I just found it a bit odd and definitely feel I missed out on a big part of normal socialisation.

I have sisters, no brothers and am from a single parent family (raised by my mum), alongside spending most of my teens on a female gymnastics team, so I really didn't have a great grounding for what the real world and society actually looked like.

I wouldn't send my sons to an all boys school either.

I understand the stats, but high school is about so much more than that (though I'm probably in the minority here).

This is an example of what I mean - studies looking at large groups/populations would not be able to factor in all the individual circumstances that would make SS preferable for some children, as individuals, and co-ed for others.

It’s my long-winded way of saying to OP that we can all talk about the studies and our personal experiences but it’s unlikely they will be relevant to your DC.

I’d say mixed all the way, though understand the stats are better for girls at all girls schools. However, I went to a mixed private school and there was an all girls school down the road. As we got older a number of the girls would do things to get male attention in a way that none of us would have. Obviously if they are well supported at home and exposed to boys of their own age in other areas that’s less likely to happen. So I would just be cautious if you did opt for single sex. Socialisation is important, as is learning to stand up to (possibly entitled) boys and feel confident communicating with different people. It’s very individual.

Single sex school, but mixed outside of school activities

I would say mixed provides a better environment, especially for children who do not have siblings of the opposite sex. All girls schools can be very bitchy whilst boys schools are often very alpha male. The fact that girls schools show better academic results does not tell you if the girls are happier or go on to have better experiences once they are in the mixed world of higher education or work.

Mixed if boys. Single sex if girls.

I don't know of any state secondary schools that are single sex. So yabu. It's not an option for large areas of the country.

DS wanted mixed as he said “girls are kinder” and always had lots of female friends. He was happy at secondary school.
DD wanted single sex and got into one but now, during university, several issue have arisen related to her time there in terms of confidence and self-esteem and she wishes she’d gone to mixed instead. Who knows if it would have made a difference though.

Mixed definitely

My cousins went to all girls' school. Good exam results but left school totally ill equipped to cope with a world that includes men. Being sheltered from boys did them no favours

I went to an all girls school, found it very “meh”, girls always playing mind games and shite like that. Never bullied but just not a move environment. Changed to a mixed for my last two years and it was amazing! I found the boys did diffuse a lot of the girls bullshit, and took them down a peg or two when needed to be fair!

Without a doubt mixed/. Reflects the real world and working with both men and women. We have a single sex girls and boys and mixed school. The mixed school has better results than the girls school so it’s not always a generalisation.

I also think it’s important to understand relationships between boys and girls of the same age (even if they do kid at activities).

My DD and DS have both attended SS grammar schools. DS is in his final year. In our situation with children only a year apart attending state grammar schools that are next door to each other it has only been positive for both of them. They have plenty of socialising opportunities and they have each other so there’s been no issues with not knowing how to relate to the opposite sex.

DD is now at Uni and says that a few people have commented that she doesn’t act like someone who went to a SS school. She has a lot of male friends and her default behaviour with men is friendship not flirtation. She says a lot of the girls are ‘pick me’ types however most of them went to elite private girls schools so there are multiple factors at play not just the SS factor IMO.

So I think you have to take into account the child’s family situation and personality. I have a friend with 3 boys who sent them to an elite private all boys school and some of the attitudes they express about women I find horrifying.

Same situation for my children, are you based in Yorkshire? I’ve got children at SS girls and boys schools. It’s working well for them. The girls school is very hot on pastoral care and how the girls treat each other. The schools have mixed classes in some subjects at A level and are looking at closer ties and more mixed subjects at A level. I read a similar thread a short while ago and women who had attended SS schools did comment that they didn’t have any subjects / options that were seen as typically male and they had a lot of positive female role models in senior positions and all subjects.

Re boy’s attitudes to girls I think having a rather assertive sister helps. Judging by his behaviour with his younger sister and his girlfriend I think he has a good attitude towards girls. I would say the same for his friends but I think the majority have sisters so it may be a factor or maybe not,

Having taught in both, I'd say the ideal is single sex until GCSEs then mixed sixth form.

Agree with a pp who said that the sense of self, worth, belief and resilience have a much stronger chance of being robust without damaging "off the cuff" comments from boys.

My dd (mixed primary, SS secondary) had a choice at 16 to move to a mixed sex school. She didn’t want to, she is happy to do lots of activities with boys outside school, but her experience of them in the classroom was very negative.

Her best friend at primary was a boy, but overall she felt a small group of poorly behaved boys took up an unfair share of the teacher’s time, activities were always designed to engage them and the girls had to lump it (eg books with boy heroes, lots of focus on football) and they physically stopped girls using playground space at playtime and in PE.

At her SS secondary she feels it’s a much calmer atmosphere, and as a bonus things like period issues are much less embarrassing than in a mixed sex environment.

I went to a single sex school and had a positive experience, so I was quite keen on the same for my DC. However in the end they all went to a mixed school (by choice - we have both locally) and I have to say it's been really good and I've ended up changing my mind. I have two boys and a girl.

SS for girls if they’d suit that environment. Otherwise mixed. I have one at SS and it’s perfect for her. The second will go to mixed as I think it’d suit her better.

My area is unusual in that two of the three secondary schools locally are single sex. DS goes to a single sex boys' school and I feel it works for him. He's definitely on the gentler end of the boy spectrum and has formed a good friendship group with similar boys. I think it's good that his school can focus on boys, who function and mature differently to girls. Funnily enough I would be more nervous about the girls' school locally if I had DDs. I have lots of friends with girls there and there seems to be endless drama & lots of identifying as this, that or the other. Plus an unhelpful - I think - school culture around MH. The behavioural issues are about equal in both schools - they just play out differently.