That this is inappropriate

[Changetohappen]

I need some perspective.

DD (7 yo) is in a girls Catholic school.

Her dad went to the mass at school recently, parents were invited.

DD came from school that day and her dad goes: 'did you see me today?' DD: yes, I did. Then the next question from dad: 'But who is that lady wearing very high heels and a dress that looked like she came to a disco party.' This lady would have been one of the teachers from. DD looked perplexed, don't think she'd have known who was wearing high heels and a disco dress.

I found this very inappropriate, first to comment on what a woman was wearing and also asking a 7yo these questions.

Why did he want to know?

🤷

Not remotely inappropriate as far as I can see. What exactly is your concern?

Well... There are no legitimate reasons, but my answer is one thing if he thought she looked hot and another if he thinks teachers should wear sensible flat shoes and a suit and wanted her name to complain.

Do you think he thought that the teacher was sexy and he was hoping to find her on social media ?

Not at all inappropriate.

No big deal, and definitely not inappropriate, it sounds like she couldn't be missed. I'd probably be wondering who she was too by the sound of it 😄

Oh for goodness sake!! 🙄🙄🙄

He fancied the teacher and wanted more info! Not a weird question- just a description of a person wearing something that was unusual compared to others.

Does it matter???

Sounds like she was noticeable and he wondered who she was 🤷‍♂️. Nothing inappropriate as far as I can see.

I'm genuinely struggling to see the problem?

He just wanted to know who she was 😳

And if she's one of the teachers, your daughter could well have known.

Think you've got your perspective OP! Much ado about nothing.

I think that's an absolutely fine comment. No issue at all.

I don’t really see the problem, it sounds like she was a bit overdressed and he didn’t say anything rude. Which bit do you think was inappropriate?

Well if he spent his time during the Mass eying up women then he is a hypocrite: his mind should have been on the religious ceremony.
I'm a long time aethiest but I feel if you go to a religious service you should show some respect.
So yes his remark was totally inappropriate on those grounds because it's hardly teaching his DD the meaning of religion.

He wants to track her down on Social Media … start an Emotional Affair .. then leave you for her.. this is MN after-all.

Maybe he was just making conversation …

What’s your concern here? If someone was wearing that outfit to a catholic school I’d probably ask the same question.

Are you looking for things to be upset about when it comes to him?

You are completely unreasonable by making this post and not grilling your DH for further details of the disco dress!

Wearing a disco dress to Mass is the sort of thing that would have had my fearsome Irish aunty thwapping her wooden spoon into her hand in an ominous fashion...

I’d probably be curious who the staff member at mass but dressed for the disco was as well. He used an appropriate, neutral description when asking DD, who was the person most likely to know.

Is your DH a decent guy? Unless this is part of some sort of deeper backstory I think describing it as “inappropriate” is a bit much (and I’m normally the first to criticise toxic male behaviour). It’s not the most amazing example of communication but we hardly need to alert the church elders.

My first thought would be that he thinks he knows her teachers by sight and was asking about someone he didn't recognise. "Disco dress" means nothing to your average 7yo, but when he saw she was perplexed he should have got more specific, e.g., "the red haired lady in the shiny silver dress, standing next to Sister Mary Patience".

Thanks everyone. I take that on board.

He does have a tendency to ogle women and turn his head and I lost a friend because of that, but I take it it was appropriate in this situation.

He kept asking so and so hair, dress colour ...can't remember. DD had no idea.