That this is inappropriate

[Changetohappen]

I need some perspective.

DD (7 yo) is in a girls Catholic school.

Her dad went to the mass at school recently, parents were invited.

DD came from school that day and her dad goes: 'did you see me today?' DD: yes, I did. Then the next question from dad: 'But who is that lady wearing very high heels and a dress that looked like she came to a disco party.' This lady would have been one of the teachers from. DD looked perplexed, don't think she'd have known who was wearing high heels and a disco dress.

I found this very inappropriate, first to comment on what a woman was wearing and also asking a 7yo these questions.

Who else was there when he asked the question? It sounds like he might have been technically asking your daughter a question, but was really “talking over her head” to let someone else know there was a teacher in high heels and a disco dress.

I think it's inappropriate for a different reason. It sounds judgemental to me - like he's commenting on her clothing being out of place for mass. It's a bit of a rude way to describe someone and disrespectful to the teacher. For me a 'neutral' description would have been 'who was the teacher in the blue dress/with the red hair/sat on the left' or whatever.

Do you 'eye up' everyone in your company then?

That's really weird.

The majority of us just look around us and notice some people more than others, especially if they're unusually dressed or overdressed.

You must get in terrible trouble at crowded bus stops! 🤣

Maybe she was dressed very razzle dazzle for church and he just wondered who she was as she stuck out. I think my 7yr olds would notice this.

Well he wouldn't have noticed what she was wearing if he hadn't been eying people up would he?
His mind can't have been on the religious service

He simply noticed someone's clothes because they were out of place.

Attending a religious service doesn't make anyone blind 🙄

Well I'm sorry butI don't think you understand the point of a religious service if you think people go there to look at what clothes the congregation are wearing:The idea is to go there to worship and the focus should be on the spiritual and not the temporal.

Most religious services are primarily social occasions. After all, you can pray at home on your own.

I take it you are are an aethiest too?

Well as someone else said, if the intention was to comment on her clothes looking out of place that’s not inappropriate. If it’s because he thought she was hot and wanted to find out more then obviously that’s just horrible. It sounds like it’s the latter given his history and that you’ve now got trust issues….hardly surprising! :(

I know what the idea is as I was raised Catholic 🙄

And again, attending church doesn't cause blindness.

How do you think the priest recognises members of the congregation?

Unless you think it's because he's eyeing them all up and not concentrating on the mass being delivered?

I useta see her up the chapel when she went to Sunday mass
And when she'd go up to receive, I'd kneel down there
And watch her pass, the glory of her ass

Well I was raised as a church going protestant and was quite serious about trying to be a good Christian
.
One of the things that totally disillusioned me and made me the aethiest I am today was the hypocrisy of church members. Frankly a lot of them weren't even nice people.
And a lot of them went to Church because it was a sort of Social club for them. It wasn't about God, or Christ, or about understanding the teachings of Christ or trying to be a better person.

So you are right a lot of them probably would be sitting up eyeing up the rest of the congregation and not engaging with the spiritual meaning of the service.

Given your update, it looks like your problem is having a bloke with a wandering eye. He sounds disrespectful.

Gosh you're obsessed with 'eyeing up' aren't you?

Does nobody ever simply look at, and notice someone else in your world?

You have a very strange and unhealthy perception of normal human observation.

Well now you've told us that I've changed my mind & think it was inappropriate of him.
If your DH was normally as good as gold then I wouldn't worry but your DH isn't & I can understand you feeling a bit off about the situation.
However it may still have been an innocent remark but I'm still a bit hmm 🙄

You're an atheist. You have no idea what a religious service is like and it's completely normal to notice what people are wearing 🤣

I deliberately left the context out at first as I wanted to know if there was a chance this could be just an 'innocent' comment.

I wanted to bring that up with him but I won't. He does have a wondering eye and whenever I bring something up he says I'm crazy, my friend who found him inappropriate was crazy too etc.

Ah, the you're imagining it line when they look at another woman. We don't mind our blokes having a look but when they make it obvious or enquire as to who somebody is by describing their attire in this way? Don't be gaslit; you're worth more than that x

He's a creepy sleaze and your friend knows it.
Yes it was inappropriate.

I can quote confidently say, as a life long Christian, that i am able to pay attention to the service and notice what my friends are wearing. I'm not 'eying them up' though. Maybe that means some thing different in different areas, but here you eye up some one you fancy.

Jesus what a pervert. Tell him to get a grip and keep his pervy tendancies away from your daughter.

Were you at the service and noticed this woman?

To a 7 year old I assume that disco dress is something with sparkles and sequins, a grown man I assume means something short, tight and revealing. To a 7 year old high heels are shoes that aren’t flat so I can see why she might not know from that detail.

While it is possible that he asked because she stood out (I would notice someone in a Tigger onesie in a church and comment about it later), the repeated questions to dd despite her saying that she doesn’t know would have me 🤔

Sounds like this person was dressed inappropriately for the occasion.

probably thought she would posh herself up if parents were coming
if her dress was wrong up to the head teacher to comment
your husband should have been watching his daughter and the mass not gawping at the teacher