DP expected me to move off the sofa so she could take my seat

[randomskittles]

DP was out all morning, I was at home. We have a corner sofa with a chaise and a second two-seater sofa. When she arrived home mid afternoon I was lying on my stomach on the corner sofa working on my laptop.

She came into the room with her earphones in and said 'can I sit down, Skittles?'

I sat up to make space for her (although the two seater was free) and put my legs out on the chaise. She continued staring at me.

I said, 'do you want me to move?'

She shouted, 'WHAT?' and took out an earphone. I repeated my question.

She responded, 'yeah. I've been looking forward to coming home, eating my lunch and sitting in this seat'.

I said, 'I just think it's a bit rude to make someone move from the seat they're in'

She said, 'if you want to argue, go ahead'

I knew arguing with her was pointless so I got up and went and sat in the other room.

AIBU to feel hurt by this? She is now acting like nothing happened

YANBU. My DD does this, demands that anyone sitting on “her” seat move as apparently it’s the only place she can see the telly (it really really really isn’t). It drives me nuts and She is promptly told no. In her defence she’s 4…

Would she move for you, if you had asked?

I think it’s rude of her to have asked, but if my DH came home and was like “Oh man.. I was really looking forward to sitting there,” I would gladly give him the seat to make him happy, as I know he’d do the same for me. But it sounds a bit like your DP bullied you into doing it because she knows you don’t want to argue about it. That’s not healthy

To be honest op this relationship sounds pretty unhealthy. Unless there's a drip feed as to why she needs to sit on that exact spot her request is totally unreasonable and very entitled and selfish, but I think more than that your feelings about challenging her on this are very telling if you can't face communicating with her because it'll escalate into her assassinating your character.

I think if you have children involved I'd be suggesting couples counselling and leaving if that's declined. If no kids involved then I'd just make plans to leave.

So you are bullied by her and afraid of the backlash of arguing the point?

Sounds toxic.

You're very polite. I'd simply ignore it, or say you snooze you lose 😂

so usual question from me.....why are you together?

I've got a corner sofa and me and DH often ask for the corner spot, may be a bit of a squabble sometimes but it's usually lighthearted. It is so much more comfortable in the corner.
I do think YABU to be upset by it now, if you were so bothered you should have stayed put, not moved and sulked about it for hours.

The only possible thing I could think, is if there is a prime seat, and one person gets to lounge in it all day WFH the the person who is out of the house all day might want to relax in it for a bit in their break

If that were the case, and a particular seat was known as being the working out of the home's favourite, or a joint favourite, then if I were at home all day enjoying that space I would offer it to the one who didn't get to for their break.

It shouldn't be demanded, but assuming an otherwise loving relationship I'd offer

Me and DH have "our" seats on the sofa, we ask each other/the kids to move if they're sat there (politely I might add) and our kids have their own spots too. If there was several other seats available and you weren't too fussed where you sat or you purposely went in her spot then I can see why she might be a bit annoyed.

If this is your default mode - RUN

A partner is a partner - equal footings or prepared to support each other getting there

Bitching and whinging about a seat on the sofa, and not feeling like you can say wind your neck in without WW3 breaking out - Id be walking

Me and DH, together 35 years and yes we do have sides of beds and preferred seats, but if I came home and he was where I preferred to sit - Id just move the coffee table and shift up - not worth even mentioning

This sounds like the behaviour my four year old displays to her two year old sister. I don’t find it acceptable in them either.

Your DP is definitely in the wrong here and if you don’t feel able to stand up for yourself, maybe the relationship doesn’t have legs

I hate corner sofas. There is only one spot on the whole sofa that is comfy. Such a waste of space.

Absolutely!!

Her and my DH would get along. He comes home, picks up the TV remote & changes channel, never mind I'm mid way through something.

I just shuddered reading this because it reminds me of my ex!
Is she an only child?
The fact that she still had her earphones in says everything.
Rude and uptight, throw her back

Are you 15?

My yoga teacher recommends it. Either sphinx or upward dog whilst using a tablet or laptop can be very good for your back.

Just to be sure, she has been checked to see if she needs glasses?

This is obviously a pattern in your relationship.
She is a nasty bully and you are used to being silenced by her bad behaviour. It has got to the point when you are so used to be gaslit that you actually think you might be difficult yourself. Why exactly are you with her?

Is she abusive in other ways? You don’t have to put up with this.

And I wasn't sure if refusing to move would mean I was being difficult

Really?

No you wasn’t being difficult she was being a cunt! And you wouldn’t have been out of order to of told her to fuck right off. Nasty cow

without the dp i would think you were talking about a teenager-shes rude

You definitely should have moved.
Off the sofa and out of this toxic relationship. Nobody who loves you treats you like that and spoils for an argument if you say anything. She sounds awful.

My ex used to do this. He had a chair that was his chair. It made me feel so unwelcome.