To think I didn’t deserve this? (Work/promotion)

[clenebtine]

I work in a team of just my manager and one other colleague (same level as me) - colleague has now got a promotion. This was a promotion they were put forward for and not an advertised role. I had absolutely no idea.

I am currently on annual leave and colleague feels the need to message me to tell me she got a promotion. Of course it made me feel shit but I sucked it up and said congratulations etc.

My issue isn’t so much the promotion but how I was told. Firstly this has just consumed my mind at a time I’m away from the office and don’t want to think about work and that I felt like it should have been my manager who told me privately - so I could then ask them for feedback as opposed to not being in the office for another week. It almost felt like she was gloating and I felt it was really inappropriate and this really does change the team dynamics so it does impact me.

My judgement is a bit clouded as obviously I’m feeling disappointed and that I had no prior knowledge of this - it wasn’t like we both had an interview and I was prepared to get a yes or no, it just came out of nowhere for me.

I would be pretty hacked off as well op, it's jaw droppingly insensitive of your colleague to have messaged you while you were off work. If you can, try and put it out of your mind until you get back and arrange to have a quiet discussion with your manager about it when you do. But tbh if I were you it would be a prompt for me to quietly think about moving jobs.

To give your colleague some credit she will have known about this for some time, I.e approached, discussions/interview and acceptance all takes time. Isn’t it possible now that it’s ‘official’ she wanted to be the one to tell you to be transparent instead of you perhaps hearing it from other colleagues.

If she hadn’t told you might you have felt like she was being deceptive? It’s a tricky one, and it does suck I’m sorry OP

I suppose your relationship with your colleague will affect how you perceive what they intended, and I’m guessing there may already be friction?

She may well have wanted to make sure you heard it first from her before you return to the office, rather than then have to hear it secondhand. She may have no idea that you weren’t also in the consideration. She shouldn’t have to feel awkward about being offered and accepting a promotion that you weren’t: if you’re unhappy with the process that’s something to take up with your manager or HR, rather than feel disgruntled about towards somebody who very obviously accepted something good for their career.

Do you work in quite a small firm, OP? I’m surprised promotions are not an open process advertised to all.

It sucks to find out this way and have it spoil your time off. I think in your shoes I would have word with my manager about why the role wasn’t advertised, as you would have like to go for it and it wasn’t helpful to be contacted outside of your working time. I’d also start thinking about whether to move elsewhere.

It’s a rubbish way to find out, hopefully your colleague thought they were doing the right thing giving you the heads up. Although I imagine it was selfishly so they could get it out of the way while you’re off for their own sake.

Can I just make it as clear as possible, no one is suggesting it should have been hidden or not celebrated. I’m not trying to make her feel awkward.

I am merely saying I’m upset that this was the way I found out. As I’m not at work so it’s just going to play on my mind throughout my annual leave and I feel it should have been my manager that told me.

A team of three people where the hierarchy changes does have an impact on me and I should have been given the opportunity to have had my manager tell me so I could at least then have a discussion with her - rather than be contacted outside of work.

Thank you, it seems to be the consensus that I should leave the role from people I’ve spoken to who I’m close to. It’s sad because like my job,

Roles never seem to be advertised at my work - people are just given promotion (as their face fits!).

Happened to me when I was on leave too.

It’s very bad management practice just to promote favourites without having a fair and transparent process. Sympathies OP.

I don't know about bad practice, what about equal opportunities? Is there a policy? HR department,?

Do you honestly think your manager should have contacted you during your annual leave to let you know?

Of course not. Posters on MN are shocked/ horrified/ fuming if work contacts people out of working hours.

YANBU to be upset, but you receive a private communication from a private individual, it was not a "work announcement"

Pretty sure OP didn’t want to be contacted by anyone out of work, she would have rather nobody mentioned it until she was back in work and then have her manager mention it.

If they were announcing it at work, and there's no reason they should have had to wait until Op was back, then the colleague may have felt that it was better for the Op not to come face to face with it as she came back from holiday.

Personally I'd rather have had it as a text while I was away so I could process it, lick my wounds and that would make it easier to deal with it when I came back into the office.
I think the way I'd least want to be told would be by a manager calling me into the office, when the rest of the office knows, because I'd feel they were all watching me for my reaction as I came out.

I felt like it should have been my manager who told me privately - so I could then ask them for feedback as opposed to not being in the office for another week.

but who said the manager is not planning on doing exactly this?
He can't do anything until the OP is back! It's not the manager who pass on the news.

My point was that you can't blame "work" .

Nobody suggested they should wait to make an announcement until OP is back. The point was the manager telling OP when she got back. Not the manager contacting OP was off like PP said.

It really isn’t like that in the office, I don’t really know how to describe it but there isn’t a wider team and we all deal with different people in the business - so there would be no watching me waiting for my reaction.

I wouldn't say its really inappropriate. You don't say what they actually said, so can't comment on if it was gloaty

This scenario happened at my workplace. The non-promoted colleague was on maternity leave at the time and we did all judge it as necessary that the manager contact the colleague individually first, as we knew it would not come as welcome news. The promoted colleague contacting her would have been really inappropriate. Sorry this has happened, OP.

That’s different though if maternity leave person was not given the opportunity to apply as 1) she wasn’t coming back in a weeks time and 2) it could easily have been discrimination

Not really, type of leave doesn’t matter. The point is the communication should come from the manager, whenever it occurs. OP has never said she thinks her manager should have messaged her on annual leave, just that manager should have been the one communicating it.

Discrimination didn’t come into it.

The type of leave does matter if it’s maternity leave, not advertising a promotion opportunity to someone on maternity leave is discrimination.

And I’m aware OP didn’t want the manager to message her on leave. I did say your situation was different as that person wasn’t coming back for a while so it made sense to tell them

There’s no legal obligation to advertise internally or externally for promoted roles, it’s only recommended to avoid the risk of discrimination. As I made clear, there was no discrimination at play.

Situation isn’t different – manager should communicate sensitive information. End of story.

This seems like a ginormous leap. If you like your job why would you leave because a colleague told you whilst you’re on holiday that they got promoted.

if you’re truely happy for them then this takes no head space or processing. If you’re not happy for them then I think telling you when you’re on holiday so you can process it in private is the best idea.

I think it was correct that the news came from the person not the manager so not sure on the beef there.

FYI I work for a large FTSE corp and I have no visibility what grade my colleagues are or when they get promoted Unless there’s a new job that they apply to and get. In role promotions happen and I’m pushing for one now but my colleagues wouldn’t know… unless I told them

Because if there was only you and one other person in your entire team and they got a promotion I think a majority of people would feel kind of shit about it. You can be happy for someone and still feel down about a situation, mixed emotions are a real thing - and it’s ok to feel that way,.

Totally different situation but if you were struggling to conceive and your best friend had a baby then you can happy for them whilst feel sad about your own situation. You don’t have to be a perfect human and be like well I don’t need to process these emotions because I should just be happy and never let anything upset me.

And I strongly feel it should not have come from my colleague. As I’ve stated 3 people in a team, and now I’m at the bottom of that pyramid - this changes a lot for me and how projects may be determined. Why tell someone so they can sit and think over this for days?

Anyway, I am looking for a new job, I want to be at a higher level and a promotion in this team is not going to happen for me so I need to seek that elsewhere.

A similar sort of thing happened to me a few years ago. Ultimately there was no way back, I found another job and left the company. The directors didn’t want me to go, realised what had happened, and the manager who had been the cause of my issue was also quietly managed out. So everyone lost, in my scenario.