ADHD in toddler girl

[ToddlerMum312]

My little girl just turned 27 months

Hi everybody : sorry for the long post but I’d really appreciate an input for me and my little girl .
She just turned 27 months .

3/4 word sentence : I want more crackers please mummy , where’s Daddy gone ?
She can ask

1. who’s that ?
2. What’s that?
3. What happened ?
4. Do you like it ?
5. What’s mommy doing ?
6. Where’s daddy gone ?
7. Why scared ?

She can use the following pronouns 1 I and me , you , 2 yours and mine 3 she ( sometimes) She can answer the following questions

1. what’s your name
2. Yes and no
3. Some Why’s ?
4. What’s mommy’s name / dad’s name
5. What’s your favourite toy / colour
6. How old are you ?
7. What do you want to watch / read
8. How are you
9. Do you want food ? Etc
10. Why baby crying ? If she sees a baby crying I ask why is he crying ? She replies he is sad .
11. She can tell boys from girls
12. What’s /where’s / who’s that ?
13. What is mommy doing ? Or describe actions in books

Socially , she tends to initiate playing and interaction other kids her by giving the kid her toy or playing with the ball back and forth but she is very shy if there is a big group and doesn’t tend to partake in activities ( she is not in nursery ) . She loves the grandparents . She tends to hold my hand when outside and never bolts , she walks by the buggy otherwise .
She takes “ no “ in her stride and does self regulate when she is stroppy . No meltdowns so far . When I ask her to tidy up or hold my hand she does all the time and she likes sharing with other kids her toys .

My worry is that she doesn’t tend to sit still for more than a few minutes and she would move on to another activity , she is not keen on circle time . She would , however , sit on the beach and draw stuff on the sand and read a book . she definitely is the child who doesn’t sit still at the restaurant.

I know a lot of you will say it is impossible to discern adhd from standard toddler behaviour but I’d like to see if I come across any parent with a child with a similar personality . I have come across a post here where a mom describe his daughter unable to sit still and do circle time and actives and eventually , she was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD ( she is not disruptive but can’t focus ) .

I know adhd carries a lot of genetic component but I am not sure how spontaneous a gene mutation is .

Yes I was explained that it is akin to restricted interests like someone playing with the same things day in day in the same order or pretend playing with the same scenario sort of thing .

Not my experience.

Circle time is an invention of over formal education systems that even some 4 year olds struggle with

I wouldn't even expect many 3 year olds to be able to sit still and focus long enough

Please try to relax. You won't ever get this time back. Try to enjoy it.

If you are referring to the length of time a child would spend on a specific activity then yes .

anyway i have always thought that adhd was linked to a strong genetic component in both/ one side of the child’ s families

You need help with your mental health and obsession over this.

Are you the person who timed how long your child’s attention span was for various activities?

If so I agree that this is becoming an obsession. Even if she does have autism or ADHD or whatever, posting on here about it won’t change or solve anything. She sounds like a standard toddler, but nothing anyone here can say will placate you.

Yes it is genetically linked.

But I put to you that your perception of ADHD and how it manifests is pretty narrow. I had a daughter who was intelligent, academically streets ahead in all areas, diverse interests, interested in the world, social, kind, all sorts of things. She has her challenges because of it but is able to live an entirely normal and successful life now as an adult. There is no reason to overly concern yourself with this issue.

My DD has ADHD. She wasn't diagnosed until the end of year 3, but it was suggested from year 1, when education becomes more formalised. When I look back at her as a toddler/preschooler, there were bits of adhd showing, but certainly not diagnosable at that age as children develop so variably. The things that stand out were her ability to hyperfocus - I worried she didn't have a secure attachment to me as she wouldn't look round for me when she was focused on something. She also much preferred unstructured environments, she wouldn't join in at music group.

It also seems to be inherited from my DH. But it obviously isn't always inherited. My other DD is really good at paying attention, irrespective of how dull her lessons are.

So here are my thoughts as a parent of a child who has autism and ADHD.

No, your tiny two or three year old is not ADHD because they struggle to sit still. That is COMPLETELY NORMAL for a child of that age.

My child at 3 years old didn't make eye contact, didn't engage with any groups; put her hands over her ears and screeched like a pterodactyl when there were other children around, didn't respond to her name. I don't want to be a dick but honestly I'd have been delighted if my only concern was that she didn't sit still in the library.

And my AuDHD child didn't do any of that and could sit still in the library and be very social. She'd be sitting still in the library at 3 actually reading the books herself because she could read at that age. (Offered just to show how diverse ND can be).

Stay off social media

Absolutely @PawsAndTails there are lots of children who present differnelty, I do get that- and also, things change for children as they get older as well.

I wouldn't usually be so black and white but this particular OP has been writing about an apparently NT child who does well in social situations and fretting about whether there is any way she could describe her as ND for ages.

Hopefully hearing our diverse experiences will help OP realise that ND is diverse and doesn't have to be regarded as a terrible thing necessarily.

As parents, OP, we just have to accept our children as they are. It sounds like this issue is taking up a lot of thought time and anxious energy for you, so maybe talk to someone for reassurance? Even if your child is ND, it's not the end of the world and she is still her special, unique self.

She sounds exactly like my son, he’s just turned 3 and literally talks/moves constantly from the moment he wakes up at 7am until he falls asleep 12hrs later.

I have ADHD so it wouldn’t be a massive surprise if he ends up having it too.
However, at the moment he doesn’t seem dissimilar to other children his age (it’s normal for toddlers to have a short attention span, ask a lot of questions and be very active/chatty).
He’s happy, sociable with lots of friends and is ahead when it comes to developmental milestones so it’s not something I worry about too much at the moment (I’ve been happy and successful with ADHD so there’s no reason to panic). If he seems to be struggling more as he gets older then I’ll look into getting him assessed then.

I have read up on parenting a child with ADHD and all the techniques and tips seem like fairly sensible ideas for parenting any child so it doesn’t hurt to use them if you want to (I had a mum who didn’t really understand how my brain worked and it caused me stress and her a lot of frustration)
I also teach him some of the basic coping strategies that I use, again they’re pretty helpful for any boisterous, curious and bright child (e.g. prompting him ‘what’s your plan’ if it looks like he’s going to do something without thinking it through).

No, I wouldn't be concerned about a 2 year old like you describe.

But, even if (and it is a really massive IF ) she did later get an ADHD diagnosis, it won't be for years yet, so stop trying to measure and compare her all the time and enjoy spending time with her and encouraging her and giving her positive feedback.

hi x yes we don’t have any familiar history that we are aware of and to be honest with you I don’t really want to get her assessed down the line as I am afraid she will just be treated differently, like she has a disability .

I just feel like the world hasn’t changed much with regards to ND and I have heard of schools / preschools pulling you to one side and wanting to kick your toddler out simply because they are different or having to fight tooth and nail to find a school that will accept her when she should have the right to learn like any other kid . I don’t want her to be singled out as the disruptive kid in the classroom. Everything is so new to me because my and her dad we were the king of kids who sit and listen and partake in school activities .

it is not so much the fact that she is the way it is but it is the fact that she will have to adapt to a world that will at first label her as the naughty kid

Please see your GP about your anxiety. It is not normal to spend this amount of time obsessing about something that is highly unlikely to be true.

There is nothing in your post which suggests neurodivergence. From the posts of others, this is not the first time you have posted about this.

Where exactly have you heard of schools and pre-schools kicking children out ‘just because they’re different’

You are talking absolute shit. That doesn’t happen.

Stay off the internet. Stop taking whatever you’ve seen on TikTok and Instagram as truth.

@ToddlerMum312 I say this kindly....she is only going to be treated differently if you keep obsessing over things being "wrong" with her when there isn't.
She'll get the reputation of the "kid with that mum".
She's 2.
Let her be 2.
Please.

I'll say it less kindly, you need to listen to everyone on here and on your previous posts that you need to stop focusing on this and just focus on raising her.

This obsession that you almost want her to be diagnosed is no good for you or her.

It's at the point now where I don't know if you're just making this all up for some twisted reason

A diagnosis has done the exact opposite for my DD. It has allowed teachers to see her as a child with ADHD, rather than as the naughty child who isn't on task (admittedly, she's never been disruptive). They've put in place strategies that might help her.

And schools aren't looking for children to exclude. They only exclude in extreme cases.

She is still young.

OP I think people are being unfairly dismissive here. It's definitely possible to spot early signs of ADHD in a toddler. DD was exactly the same at that age and it was researching the symptoms that led me to realise that I almost certainly have undiagnosed ADHD as well.

However in the bigger picture, it's really not a big deal. ADHD is a spectrum and many kids and adults can have perfectly productive and happy lives. DD could also never stay still for circle time and would wander around while the other children did the activities. However all of this improved significantly between ages 5-6. I personally don't believe she grew out of it, but she simply became better at masking and reading/analysing unspoken social rules. She has lots of friends, loves school and (so far) no issues with reading and writing. So I'm quite happy and don't think it's necessary to seek a diagnosis or support unless things take a drastic turn for the worse.

So yes, your DD may have ADHD but it really isn't anything to worry about. Make sure she has enough activities to burn off energy and give her space to unwind and "regulate" after nursery. Try to arrange playdates and help her get started with a good social life. The goal is to build her self esteem that she's great and lovable the way she is.

You say there isn't a family connection but health anxiety/rumination is an extremely common ADHD symptom. The restlessness often gets internalised as thoughts so instead of physically fidgeting, adults with ADHD have racing brains that don't shut off.

Honestly, kindly, in a nutshell: You really need to get some help.