That’s it really..

[GiggleWiggle246]

I’ll try & keep it short. Was on the phone to my mum on loudspeaker & my brothers GF was with her. I’d recently upgraded a home appliance and asked my mum if she would like the older appliance. She reminded me she already had it but then immediately asked BGF if HER mum would like it. A woman I’ve never met, my mum has a few times and they get on well. Before I could say anything she quickly said yes of course! It’s not a cheap appliance, £150+ and was recently replaced by the company and I’d used it once before getting the upgrade. My plan was if my mum didn’t want it I’d offer it to my MIL. Now that’s out the window and I feel obliged to give it to BGF for her mum.

Am I just being really unreasonable? My mum has form for things like this. She announced my pregnancy to family members before I got a chance to and cried on my wedding day because she didn’t know my IL’s.

Why didn’t you just say ‘oh no actually I’m going to offer it to MIL’??

Just message your mum and say you didn’t realise your DH had offered it to his mum and he’s already taken it. Don’t give it a stranger as your mum has offered it.

Because BGF was sat right there and my mum literally said “oh! Wouldn’t your mum like it?” And she immediately said oh yes please! I was awkward as I was on speaker.

You need to stop people pleasing. You could have said do t worry if you don’t want it mil does. End of conversation.

I mean literally all it would have taken was “oh I’ve promised it to mil though if mum didn’t want it”

job done
no drama
no simmering resentment!

Exactly

Your mum sounds annoying and pretty self centred, but she’ll never stop doing this if you don’t tell her.
I agree with pp- message BGF and say sorry, I had promised it next to my MIL and Mum shouldn’t have assumed. If she’s reasonable then she’ll accept that. And make sure to tell your mum how awkward a spot she put you in.

Yeah I agree with the others. Your mum shouldn't have offered it really as it wasn't hers to do that but it's not a big deal. Could you now just contact your brother or his girlfriend and say that your husband has offered it to mil.

In hindsight yes that’s all it would have taken but as soon as I offered it the conversation literally went like this “I’ve got one already remember, but (GF) doesn’t your mum want it?” And GF immediately said yes please! I felt like if I’d have said oh hold on I’ve promised it to my MIL if mum didn’t want it mum would have said “well what’s the difference between me and GF mum?” Because she’s close to GF and has become friendly with mum doesn’t mean I am?

Agree with everyone else. You need to stand up for yourself more. This could have been dealt with with one sentence at the time. It's not too late now.

"well what’s the difference between me and GF mum?”

"Well, I've never met her for a start"

You're overthinking this with might-have-saids.

Yes annoying of your mum but easily dealt with as all other pps have suggested - just say you’re sorry but second in line was your mother in law, so she’s getting it. So so simple!

Its not too late!

Message to your mum. "Sorry dh has promised it to mil"

Your mum involved herself in this, now she can uninvolve herself. No need for you to speak to Bg.

Ive become a lot more vocal with challenging some of her behaviour as I’ve got older and she doesn’t like it one bit.

Thanks everyone I’ll message her later today and say look but DH has offered it to MIL now. She’d already borrowed my previous one so will obviously use it. My mum has one anyway so I’m sure she won’t mind lending it to BGF’s mum 🙄

I’m baffled then why you even offered it to her in the first place

either way op, come on now… this really was a scenario that should have been very easily and calmly addressed

Missing the point but why did you upgrade it after just one use?

And also not to offer things out just because she doesn't want it.
There is a chain of succession in your life and BGFM isn't at the top of it after her.

I'm annoyed for you OP.
Learn to stop her in her tracks if she has form for it.

The thing is… after the event is a bit awkward
Now those people think they have something

but 24 hours later transpires… nope they haven’t

I would have addressed at the time. No big deal or drama.

but now you’re at where you’re at… I’d leave it.

Because the newer version was basically a 3 in 1 which would be used more than the previous which was just 1 use. I’d had the one before the replacement for nearly a year and used it almost weekly so it wasn’t like it was a throwaway purchase.

Oooh I’m curious too!

This.

I only ticked yabu because you felt obliged by someone else deciding what to do with your stuff and you thinking you had to go along with that. Imagine if the world worked that way.

Huh this doesn’t make sense

you said you’d used it once

but you mean… once a week?

I’d used it once before getting the upgrade