To be annoyed when people say "you must be mad to work fulltime"

[LaDiDaDi]

I saw an old colleague this afternoon, she immediately assumed that I now work pt, I said no, I'm on a day off, I still work ft. Immediate response was " you must be mad, why on earth do you do that?"

AIBU to not want to have to justify myself? I just said 2 No actually I'm perfectly sane and sensible." and she shut up but still aAARGHH!

I work ft because:
I love my job.
I would go mad if I was at home all day, think I would stay sane if pt but don't feel ready to do this.
Working ft means that my training goes by at twice the rate so that I get to be a consultant sooner.
The money is good and working pt would mean things would be tight for years and years, see above, especially if I go on mat leave again. I'm the main regular breadwinner as dp's job is very sales/commision based in pay.

No one ever questions why a man goes back to work ft after having a child and I get this all of the time. I need Xenia to come and empathise and help me with better retorts for when it happens again, as it surely will!

If your chn are happy then no problem. I had this too when I was ft.Ignore her - it's her problem, not yours.

As mothers we can never please everyone. I also have encountered disapproval when I say I'm a SAHM.

oh god yes
It makes me feel as if I live in a parallel Stepford universe where all the women leave work after childbirth and put on aprons (sorry SAHMs, that is NOT directed at you may I add...it's just the weird assumptions people make that women should/will not work after children)

Plus ds1 has started asking me why all the other mummies drop and pick up from school every day and come in to make cakes with the class predictably dh does not suffer this particular blatant guilt trip.

sigh and ignore - some people just have to pass comment on what they don't know.

I am SAHM and have been for 4 years. I still get 'when are you going to go back to work?' comments, when I was frankly far more bored when I had a paid job

Oh she's ny no means the first to say this. I get it on a weekly basis.

Just give her one of a range of Looks. and say 'what on earth are you talking about'?

Let her struggle to come up with coherent reasons and her brain implodes as she realises that she is really her own great-aunt.

I get this regularly. In fact was going to post about it.

I get lots of "poor you", full-time.

Or like you, "so, you're part-time now, aren't you?". NO.

What I hate is when I find myself "semi"lying and saying, "well, of course it would be nice to cut down a bit".

Am SO SO sick of the "oh the kids grow up so quickly, don't they? I'm sure you'd love to spend more time with them."

Actually I see plenty of them in the morning (2h) evening (3+ hrs) Wednesdays (I squeeze fulltime into 4 days which means I work when they are in bed) weekends and school holidays.

I don't see why I should be part-time if DH isn't - I'd just end up doing MORE of the housework/cooking etc.

Thanks Havent Slept. I would deffo end up doing more housework and cooking and feeling resentful if I worked pt.

My plan is to work ft until I have another dc which will hopefully be in 2 years time, then finish off my training pt, making it 2 years instead of 1, then get a consultants post 4ish days per week. Meanwhile dd is well cared for by her grandparents, dp and nursery whilst I work. Now does that sound mad?

Not at all. Especially if your DD is also being cared for by family.

My DSs are looked after by a childminder but she's pretty much family now.

I just don't buy this whole "Mothers are the only ones who can properly look after their children."

In most other cultures (ok, don't want into an anthropological debate here) kids are looked after by loads of people, including siblings, aunts, uncles, neighbours.

They are very rarely looked after by someone who "only" has that to do.

If you work FT you aren't spending eough time with the DC, if you are a SAHM you are not contributing to the family budget and if you work PT you are failing on both accounts. There are few people who will tell you what you are doing is brilliant or just the right thing - there are many who will tell you what you are doing is the wrong thing.
What you do has to be right for you and your situation and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing anything else.

BTW YANBU

Oooh, clutteredup I just saw the lst part of your post on "threads I'm on".

"If you work FT you aren't spending enough time with the DC..."

Then clicked on it and read what you actually said

I agree

I only work part time and that's a pita. would much rather not work or work full time. I could go back fulltime if I got another job but I like where I am so will stick to pt. SAHM not an option because of money. I envy my mum as she stopped work when she had dc(the norm 30 years ago) and then started once we were at school. Easier in some ways but not finanically.

There's never a right answer, everyone does what they think is best, what works for them. Or what they have to do. Personally i'd love to send dc to nursery a day a week and have a day off

Did think that might happen the way the it was written - thanks for reading the rest

YANBU - don't worry though, you get it whatever you choose to do. My BF is back at work PT, I am a SAHM for a few years. Am pg with my 3rd at the moment and the 3 will be close in age. She keeps saying annoying things like "you must be mad to have another one, I can't cope with 1". She says it all the time and it is v annoying.

I am sure that she disapproves of something, whether it be me having another, or putting my career on hold for a few years. You can't win though, there will always be someone who thinks you're doing the wrong thing.

I can't be bothered to justify myself anymore. What we do suits my DH and I and the DCs. As long as you and DC(s) are happy with it then that's all that matters.

i just love the way they say that, as if i have a choice...even working full time am constantly struggling to make ends meet

I'm a SAHM at the moment and it's driving me slowly crazy (we've just moved to the States and I'm waiting for my work permit) but one of the nice things about working for the NHS (as I did until very recently) is that people's arrangements don't get so much comment (I have found anyway) and that men also take up flexible woking patterns (of course there are less of them anyway). Because there is so much variety I think less assumptions get made.

Hmmm, I do work for the nhs nooka.

No-one has ever dared say that to me.

Probably the mad glint in my eye

"No one ever questions why a man goes back to work ft after having a child and I get this all of the time."

Agree, YANBU.

I hate when people say "you'll never get this time back you know"

feel like saying "feck off you moron, when I invent my time machine, I wont invite you along for a jolly"

I work fulltime but I wouldn't if I wasn't a single mum whose ex pays no maintenance.

I have to admit that when my friends with supportive and well-off husbands work full-time and hate their jobs I feel like saying: 'you must be mad to work full-time.'
I don't though!

So you do! Oh well, must just be me then! It's just that before mumsnet I didn't realise how much grief people got about their work/life balance choices. It's not been my experience. But maybe I have the glint like Blu

It is a great pity that people don't keep their judgements to themselves! As a SAHM people assume that you are brain dead!
Some people have to work , it wouldn't suit them to stay at home. I work part time but I would be quite happy not working at all!