To be annoyed when people say "you must be mad to work fulltime"

[LaDiDaDi]

I saw an old colleague this afternoon, she immediately assumed that I now work pt, I said no, I'm on a day off, I still work ft. Immediate response was " you must be mad, why on earth do you do that?"

AIBU to not want to have to justify myself? I just said 2 No actually I'm perfectly sane and sensible." and she shut up but still aAARGHH!

I work ft because:
I love my job.
I would go mad if I was at home all day, think I would stay sane if pt but don't feel ready to do this.
Working ft means that my training goes by at twice the rate so that I get to be a consultant sooner.
The money is good and working pt would mean things would be tight for years and years, see above, especially if I go on mat leave again. I'm the main regular breadwinner as dp's job is very sales/commision based in pay.

No one ever questions why a man goes back to work ft after having a child and I get this all of the time. I need Xenia to come and empathise and help me with better retorts for when it happens again, as it surely will!

It drives me nuts. I get lots of comments about working ft, and even more about travelling for work. No one has ever made the least comment to DH about his ft, travelling work, nor how childcare is managed whilst he is away.

But I put it into the category of 'people not minding their own business' - previously inhabited by 'when are you going to have children/why don't you have children', and now kept company by 'when are you going to have more children'.

I know I couldn't work full time but I personally think that everyone is entitled to make their own decisions.

I'd think I'd really enjoy not working at all but I also think I would be very bored at the same time.

If you enjoy your job and you don't resent having to work full time then good for you. Maybe she was jealous you seem to have a ood work/home life balance.

her problem not yours - yanbu plus got chuff all to do wiht anyone execpt you/dp and kids

Yes cmotdribbler - when I go away everyone asks me, so what are you doing with the kids?

I know for a fact no-one ever asks DH.

Feminism still has more work to do methinks.

I am a hospital consultant and work full time. (1 DS 2 yrs 9 months) The other female consultants in my department are a mix of full/flexi and part time. I am actually planning to go back to work part time after dc 2 (due in July) TBH I feel a bit of a failure about cutting down to PT but DHs hours are long and I am completely beyond exhausted atm. We do have family close by but don't think i can use them as more than 'back up' and occ evening babysitting-would be a bit much for them otherwise. I wonder if the person/people who question you on this are a bit jealous of you coping so well or feel slightly wimpy having given up or gone down to PT themselves?? Only because although I am looking forward to seeing more of DS and the new one I do feel a bit of a wimp-female medics are very high achievers and 'copers'. Also we all try to justify our own decisions sometimes by doing down others-not desirable but human nature especially in this very sensitive area.

YANBU. I did stop working ft as a nurse and can see why you choose to work ft. You have worked hard to get where you are and to throw it all away would be insane.

retorts like
'Are you insane for wanting to spend all day talking child speak' come to mind. (I chose this! I will definately be going back to work asap though, just that childcare costs too much for little return iyswim).

People are probably jealous who say this, that you can afford to go back to work.

Working full-time is easier than staying at home to look afer kids....I have been back at work full-time now for 3 months and am loving every minute of it! Its fab and I dont give a toss what anyone else thinks......

I can see where LadyG is coming from- I felt like I had given in and it took a long time to reconcile the fact that by the time I go back to my profession I will have to do some update training before practicing. I have just had dd2 and am still itching to be able to go back out to work. Its about independence, financially and socially.

To be honest I think I would have gone stir crazy if I had not been able to go back to work....had always worked part-time till dd2 was 8. Then had dd2 and have been studying also for the past five years. I did not want to waste my time spent at uni and so went back to work full-time and I am so glad that I did. Although I have to say that my choice was easier as my mum is a CM and so has the dcs for me....

For a while I was a student and working and my DP was at home with the baby. The amount of commenst that got was amazing, he got called lazy, people wondered how I coped with the housework, baby, work and uni, all sorts. (although I was doing most of the baby work, but they didn't know that!)

People just assume the man will work and the woman will go part time. Every time I go to work my DP tells me I don't have to. Don't know where he thinks I'd get the money to pay my rent! (although tax credits are a wonderful thing that cover most of our rent, we still have bills and that)

I have had quite a few comments and judgements made about me because I work full-time. I'm in a slightly different situation to most people though - I'm an actor, so worked up until my due date and then started again with baby in tow after about six weeks. I don't have to work 9-5 7 days a week, but my job does involve me travelling and sometimes being on tour and only getting home at weekends. I always feel cautious about admitting that to anyone, as I feel quite judged - no-one would question it if a dad worked away from home, but for mums to do it is quite different.

I just know that I would go mad at home all day - as much as I love my son, I can't stand the whole toddler group thing and I need to get out of the house. Also, if I didn't work for a few years I would find it very difficult to get any work in the future, so I think what I'm doing is best. I always feel the need to justify it though.

I don't think everyone is cut out for full time motherhood. It is hard work in a completely different sense and does require endless patients to do it well and teach children things all day long (hats off to teachers as well!)The hardest part of not working is not having other things to talk about to my working friends, just children, news, TV etc, iyswim.

Thanks for all of the replies.

LadyG, I hope to work 4 days/week ish when I get to consultancy because I just feel that the stress of knowing that "the buck stops here" will be very difficult and I feel that I will need a reduction in hours to counter that. I only hope that I don't end up doing what I did today, ringing up a GP on my day off!

Most people who have said this to me just assume it's knackering trying to do both, it's not so much a political statement. At 35+ wks pregnant with DC2 and still working full time, I am inclined to agree on some days!

Totally agree with Mrs Pickles on many points - when I went back to work after having DD four days a week I was basically being paid 20% less for a full time job. Colleagues' comments: "Would you just mind making a quick call/sending a short email/following up quickly on whatever." Nursery fees are most cost efficient the more days you do, so while I was getting paid a lot less, the childcare fees weren't that dissimilar to a five day week. It was a nightmare all around.

I too would work a bit less, if financially it were feasible, but only if I could be really strict about interference. In my experience, not a lot of mums manage it well if they are in client facing jobs.

I've been part time for 15 years and still get the " you must be mad working at all" from the SAH yummy mummys (who can still afford huge houses, cleaners and 3 holidays a year without working) and "you must be mad compromising your career" from the full-timers at work.
I choose not to work full time but I know if I did I could afford cleaners/ironing ladies/gardeners to make my life easier and my career would have progressed much more quickly, so sometimes wonder whether I made the right decision. Do what's right for you and your family (but do be honest with yourself about it - sometimes that's really hard) then stuff everyone else.

The last point isn't intended as a criticism, mind, I think it's just really really hard to manage it.

my equivalent is the assumption that my recent decision to go into freelance consultancy work is becuase it's "easier to fit round the kids". it's the knowingness of people who say this that really bugs me. No, I chose to do this for a shed-load of other reasons. working round kids might be an added bonus (though in fact I strongly expect it be a source of stress...). but no, I have a fanjo, therefore my first consideration in any decision I make is its compatibility with me discharging my responsibilities as a parent. It's those "oh we all know that all that equality and feminism and split parenting stuff is pie in the sky. let's just admit it" looks. I want to scream.

and so with you all on the travelling stuff. someone asked a colleague of mine what was going to happen with dds while i was abroad. thankfully she gave them a withering look and said "well I assume their father is capable of looking after them..."

It's extremely judgemental for people to say you must be mad for working FT. I'm currently pg and get this a lot, people asking if I'm going back PT and looking astounded when i say that I'm doing back FT.

Do they think I currently work FT for fun, rather than actually to get paid? Personally I would love not to work but it is not an option financially as I am the main breadwinner.

I think people should really keep their opinions to themselves. I would never dream of saying anything like that to anybody.