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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to confront my ex-colleague?

72 replies

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 18:49

Hello,
Sorry for a long post, but in order to make myself clear, I must provide as many details as possible.

This happened in May 2020 but I still haven’t forgotten what my ex-colleague (let’s call her Lily) had done. I’m an Eastern European female, in my 20’s, and Lily is a British female in her early 50’s. We both worked in a warehouse which I now left a while ago. Lily was very afraid to catch Covid, and that possibly caused her crazy behaviour during the incident I’ll describe below.

That day I nipped into one of workplace toilets. The toilet was tiny, with 3 cubicles, the middle cubicle locked and marked as per Covid requirements, those on my left and on my right were not, and max 2 people allowed to be in the toilet at once. When I came in, Lily was washing her hands in the sink and clearly saw me in the mirror but said nothing. The door of the cubicle on my left was open, so I somehow ‘automatically’ got in. After I was done, I went to the sink; Lily was still standing there, with a very angry facial expression… and suddenly lashed out at me. First she pointed to the cubicle on my right and said there was someone sitting there! I had a quick look at the door lock; its indicator was red, which meant the cubicle was engaged (if green, then not engaged), so yeah, there was someone there. Lily then started yelling and slagging me off for ‘breaking the rules, as there are now 3 people in the toilet’, ‘how dare you be so irresponsible and put your colleagues at risk’ and so on. I asked her why the hell she hadn’t told me she wasn’t alone in the toilet when I was entering it, I would have waited in the corridor then, I couldn’t see through the cubicle door whether there was someone inside, I couldn’t see the red indicator as well because it’s very tiny and my vision is not the best. Lily absolutely refused to listen, she just talked over me, threw loads of insults and then left.

I was so ‘inflamed’ that I grabbed the toilet door harshly, stuck my head out to the corridor and shouted to Lily’s back in a very mocking tone: ‘OH MY GOOOOOOD, WHAT A BIG DEAL!!!’ Nearly all the people that happened to be around burst into laughter, Lily got even angrier and rushed to the managers’ room. The manager I’d been reported to took Lily’s side and warned me that if I did anything like that again, I’d face disciplinary for breaking Covid rules… She also took a massive dislike to me, and I never regained her favour.

Now that I’ve accidentally found out where Lily lives, I’m tempted to send her a letter in which I’d tell her what a nasty person she is and that it was her fault I’d lost any chance to be promoted at work… and I want to write something like ‘You clown, if you had been so afraid of Covid, then you should have quit the warehouse and found a job doable at home!’

Would this kind of action be reasonable? Also, who was right and who was wrong?

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 21/05/2025 18:52

It was 5 years ago. You need to move on. You should have moved on years ago!

Boing98 · 21/05/2025 18:52

I thought half term was next week?

S0j0urn4r · 21/05/2025 18:53

Storm in a teacup. Do not write to her. Move on.

TinyTempest · 21/05/2025 18:55

Christ, and you said she's crazy?

Lol

WellingtonBootilicious · 21/05/2025 18:55

Fuck no, don’t do that. You’d be absolutely mental.

Why are you still stewing on this complete non-event? Seems very odd and petty of you.

Maybe get a hobby?

BusyMum47 · 21/05/2025 18:55

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/05/2025 18:52

It was 5 years ago. You need to move on. You should have moved on years ago!

@Cactus999

Seriously?? A squabble in the toilets 5yrs ago still bothers you?? Get a life.

SwanOfThoseThings · 21/05/2025 18:55

Neither of you covered yourselves in glory! Lily overreacted to your mistake, and then you overreacted to her overreaction.

However, whatever Lily did five years ago, it is not a good idea to write her a nasty letter about it. Believe me, I still harbour grudges against work colleagues from more than 20 years ago, but I confine them to my head and enjoy an occasional fantasy about walking past a river where one of them is drowning and smiling at them rather than chucking in the lifebelt.

You need to move on from this.

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:55

No, let it go. Not worth going over such old ground. Assuming when you say “lashed out” you mean verbally rather than physically, of course.

nomas · 21/05/2025 18:56

YANBU to want to confront her but the time has passed. Just imagine what a sad, pathetic person she is and let it go.

Do you think she behaved like that because you’re Eastern European?

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 18:56

Here’s what you do …

Grow Up

Move on

Tagyoureit · 21/05/2025 18:56

Good grief! Move on already!

AttachmentFTW · 21/05/2025 18:58

You need to get past it. Do not write to her. This was a very minor incident. Sounds like she may have reacted quite strongly but she was probably very afraid of covid, as many people were/still are.

But the fact you are still bothered about this incident 5 years later is quite weird and much more of an over reaction than anything Lily did. How have you found out where she lives? Please do not start harassing this woman.

MissMoneyFairy · 21/05/2025 19:00

How did you accidentally find out where Lily lives

Justchillinhere · 21/05/2025 19:03

I can understand how angry it has made you feel but you really need to find your peace. 7 years ago a work colleague made my life beyond miserable, turned everyone against me by making up lies, I had to leave a job I loved, I had to concentrate on my mental health, I was on the edge. I've moved on now, The little things in life really are what makes you happy, no point in thinking back to how you felt. You're stronger, don't let the bitterness of the past destroy your future. Do not contact her.

noctilucentcloud · 21/05/2025 19:05

You cannot be serious? No, you absolutely should not write a letter or contact her in any way.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2025 19:06

Sorry, OP, you sound unhinged. Do you really want to send her a letter about something minor from 5 years ago?

AgnesX · 21/05/2025 19:06

And what would it achieve? Nothing that's what.

Why on earth are you brooding about it after all this time.

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 19:07

I know that I should move on, however, I also have a reason to be angry because the manager was on Lily's side and started giving me harder jobs whenever she could, and she kept doing it up until I left...

OP posts:
BusyMum47 · 21/05/2025 19:09

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 19:07

I know that I should move on, however, I also have a reason to be angry because the manager was on Lily's side and started giving me harder jobs whenever she could, and she kept doing it up until I left...

But you've left now so who gives a shit anymore?? Let it go!!

WellingtonBootilicious · 21/05/2025 19:10

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 19:07

I know that I should move on, however, I also have a reason to be angry because the manager was on Lily's side and started giving me harder jobs whenever she could, and she kept doing it up until I left...

I would laugh so hard if I received a letter from you. And then I’d sit and relish in the fact I’d bothered you so much.
Do you want your ex-colleague to do that?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/05/2025 19:12

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 19:07

I know that I should move on, however, I also have a reason to be angry because the manager was on Lily's side and started giving me harder jobs whenever she could, and she kept doing it up until I left...

Then this is on the manager who took a dislike to you, you can't keep pinning it on Lily. The manager had free will.

But let it go. A lot of people were very highly strung during Covid and behaved out of character.

Cactus999 · 21/05/2025 19:19

I think I should describe the manager's attitude that she displayed when we had a 'one-to-one' talk about this incident. The manager didn’t care that Lily hadn’t told me about the lady sitting in one of the cubicles. She explained that Lily didn’t have to even utter a word, that it was my duty to ask her if there was anyone in any cubicle! My duty? Really? After all, it was Lily who feared the virus more, so it was her responsibility to protect herself by asking me to wait in the corridor… Also, she came there first, she knew about the other lady but kept quiet and allowed me to get in and pee!

OP posts:
WellingtonBootilicious · 21/05/2025 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BusyMum47 · 21/05/2025 19:21

LET. IT GO. 🤦‍♀️

alcoholnightmare · 21/05/2025 19:22

You’re nuts.