Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure to go on work trip

49 replies

Pepperpotterer · 21/05/2025 16:26

We have a work team building trip in September. Every year there is huge pressure to attend and they are very sporty, active and boozy.

This years is coming up, three hour mountain hike somewhere remote, lunch and then three hours back. Overnight stay etc.

Ive said I can’t go, been sketchy on the details. Keep getting messages through about menus, logistics. I keep reiterating that I can’t go, and it seems to fall on deaf ears.

Thing is I am early doors pregnant. I don’t want to tell my employer, but the idea of being somewhere remote and having to keep up with a group really, really spooks me.

How can I best handle this? we’re only a small company so no HR, but I wouldn’t want to say anything anyway.

OP posts:
Just1712 · 21/05/2025 16:29

Ah what a shame that your best friends wedding, parents golden wedding anniversary dinner, god child’s 1st birthday and nephews christening is all happening on the same day. Make a great excuse and just stick with it!

Redpeach · 21/05/2025 16:33

Say yes now, and then pull out/ tell them, when 12 weeks

Apksbdv · 21/05/2025 16:35

Just keep being vague and then in a few weeks you can say why. Sounds like hell even when not pregnant to be honest.

Original poster
Pepperpotterer · 21/05/2025 16:38

Redpeach · 21/05/2025 16:33

Say yes now, and then pull out/ tell them, when 12 weeks

Then they’ll be angry they’ve paid for a place I never intended to use.

They sent round a calendar to make sure everyone could do the date, at that stage I said I was unavailable. But they judged my reason not good enough…I just want to keep my business private for now

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 16:44

Just remember that “no” is a full sentence.

You don’t owe them an explanation!

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:47

How pregnant will you be?

But ‘I have a family wedding’ is a great excuse, which I used myself in a similar scenario!

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:48

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 16:44

Just remember that “no” is a full sentence.

You don’t owe them an explanation!

I disagree with this actually.

If I as an employer was organising a team building event and someone just said they weren’t coming with no explanation, it would impact my perception of them.

OP can easily avoid that outcome by giving a reasonable excuse.

EdisinBurgh · 21/05/2025 16:50

Just give a strong excuse. A special family
occasion you already committed to. Be clear concise and direct. Don’t volunteer details unless asked. Can you do this?

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 16:51

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:48

I disagree with this actually.

If I as an employer was organising a team building event and someone just said they weren’t coming with no explanation, it would impact my perception of them.

OP can easily avoid that outcome by giving a reasonable excuse.

Show quote history

But the “reasonable excuse” would be a lie if the genuine excuse is that she’s pregnant and she can’t say anything about that yet.

Would it not impact your view of her more to know she lied than provided no explanation for 5/6 more weeks then all became clear and reputation restored when she reveals her pregnancy?

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2025 16:51

This isn't team building, this is a major accident waiting to happen.

A six hour mountain hike? Are you guys Germans or Swiss? If not, hard pass.

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:54

Lmnop22 · 21/05/2025 16:51

But the “reasonable excuse” would be a lie if the genuine excuse is that she’s pregnant and she can’t say anything about that yet.

Would it not impact your view of her more to know she lied than provided no explanation for 5/6 more weeks then all became clear and reputation restored when she reveals her pregnancy?

Show quote history

No I would be fine with that, as it’s a harmless lie because she wasn’t ready to say she was pregnant yet.

If she says no and gives no reason she’s still lying - as the reson is the pregnancy, which she is hiding!

It’s a harmless lie made for good reason. I think it preferable to just looking like your being difficult / obtuse yes.

GreenClock · 21/05/2025 16:55

You’re right to avoid this in light of your pregnancy.

Just keep saying that you can’t go, if anyone mentions it to you. Ignore the “to all” emails.

When you’re ready to divulge that you’re pregnant a couple of months from now (congrats by the way!) they’ll understand why you said no.

MattCauthon · 21/05/2025 16:57

If you're already pregnant and this has been going on for a while, I'm going to assume you're at least 6 weeks now. So it's 6 weeks until you are at the point at which telling them would be normal. So end June. I can't believe that they will lose all their costs if you cancel at that point.

Having said that, I personally am a big believe in being honest. I'd talk to the senior line manager in your team and tell them confidentially. Ask them not to tell the team but just to support the fact that you have a good reason not to attend.

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:59

If the trip is in work hours/days then I think you are being unreasonable. Even a weekend if sufficient notice is quite normal. You already know this an annual event for the firm so you can't pretend you don't know about it. You need to tell your boss now so that unnecessary expense is not incurred. It could be that the risk assessment would mean it's better for you to miss this event anyway, but just making excuses does not put you in a favourable position. If you want any adjustment when you return to work after maternity leave, it's good to be in good favour and not seen as someone who dips out of activities you don't like.

abanemare · 21/05/2025 17:05

My idea of hell, team-building with people you wouldn't have in the wood-shed. Why not tell them you're pregnant though? Not like you can hide it later on and they can't sack you

SummerInSun · 21/05/2025 17:27

Why can’t you just say to your boss “I can’t hike (or drink) for medical reasons.” Then when you announce your pregnancy, you explain that that the pregnancy is the medical reason. If he isn’t an idiot he will probably already have deduced that already, but it doesn’t matter.

Bikergran · 21/05/2025 22:07

Invent a bad back. Or a virus, or a sprained ankle.

RobinStrike · 21/05/2025 22:13

SummerInSun · 21/05/2025 17:27

Why can’t you just say to your boss “I can’t hike (or drink) for medical reasons.” Then when you announce your pregnancy, you explain that that the pregnancy is the medical reason. If he isn’t an idiot he will probably already have deduced that already, but it doesn’t matter.

This! Just say you’ve been advised by your gp not to do it. You shouldn’t be expected to go into details if it’s medical. Then after 12 weeks you can explain that’s the medical reason

ClareBlue · 21/05/2025 22:25

RobinStrike · 21/05/2025 22:13

This! Just say you’ve been advised by your gp not to do it. You shouldn’t be expected to go into details if it’s medical. Then after 12 weeks you can explain that’s the medical reason

Show quote history

This is exactly what you do in this situation.
You avoid a late cancellation cost for the company and have not lied to them and all will come obvious when the time is right for you. It also closes down further cajoling as no company is going to take liability for insisting you do these activities against medical advice.

CarrieLite · 21/05/2025 22:27

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:48

I disagree with this actually.

If I as an employer was organising a team building event and someone just said they weren’t coming with no explanation, it would impact my perception of them.

OP can easily avoid that outcome by giving a reasonable excuse.

Show quote history

When it's a 3 hour mountain hike, really?

Cismyfatarse · 21/05/2025 22:29

Just say your Doctor has advised against it.

CarrieLite · 21/05/2025 22:31

BeSpryMoose · 21/05/2025 16:59

If the trip is in work hours/days then I think you are being unreasonable. Even a weekend if sufficient notice is quite normal. You already know this an annual event for the firm so you can't pretend you don't know about it. You need to tell your boss now so that unnecessary expense is not incurred. It could be that the risk assessment would mean it's better for you to miss this event anyway, but just making excuses does not put you in a favourable position. If you want any adjustment when you return to work after maternity leave, it's good to be in good favour and not seen as someone who dips out of activities you don't like.

Has everyone missed that it's a 3 HOUR MOUNTAIN HIKE? Am I the only one who thinks trying to force someone to hike up a fucking mountain for 3 hours is the very definition of insane? I'd be saying a big fuck no and when asked why I'd be telling them because it's INSANE!

Team building mountain hike, who are these people? Hmm

AaaahBlandsHatch · 21/05/2025 22:33

MidnightPatrol · 21/05/2025 16:48

I disagree with this actually.

If I as an employer was organising a team building event and someone just said they weren’t coming with no explanation, it would impact my perception of them.

OP can easily avoid that outcome by giving a reasonable excuse.

Show quote history

The whole situation could more easily be avoided if you'd instead just let people get on with their jobs, instead of coercing employees to travel miles, stay overnight, do strenuous exercise and socialise with people they don't want to, during their own free time, and all for something that is literally nothing to do with their jobs.

Why on earth do employers think they have the right to force these kinds of things on people?

CarrieLite · 21/05/2025 22:33

Cismyfatarse · 21/05/2025 22:29

Just say your Doctor has advised against it.

Your name has just made me spit tea all over my screen! 😂Love it!

Renabrook · 21/05/2025 22:35

I don't see why being pregnant means you can't go