Pressure to go on work trip

[Pepperpotterer]

We have a work team building trip in September. Every year there is huge pressure to attend and they are very sporty, active and boozy.

This years is coming up, three hour mountain hike somewhere remote, lunch and then three hours back. Overnight stay etc.

Ive said I can’t go, been sketchy on the details. Keep getting messages through about menus, logistics. I keep reiterating that I can’t go, and it seems to fall on deaf ears.

Thing is I am early doors pregnant. I don’t want to tell my employer, but the idea of being somewhere remote and having to keep up with a group really, really spooks me.

How can I best handle this? we’re only a small company so no HR, but I wouldn’t want to say anything anyway.

Some people enjoy these kinds of activities!

Can you say you have out of work commitments that you cannot break. If they push say you visit/ care for someone and they rely on you for certain things etc. if they still push tell them you are not prepared to discuss it more. All they need to know is that someone needs you

This. Why can’t people just say no. I honestly think a lot of people bring stuff on themselves instead of just saying no to begin with.

You've said no. They are being dicks.

Ignore the calendar and menus, they are for people who have said they're going. If you get chased then you can reply with a reminder you aren't going.

This is really bad. I'm sorry.

Because I don’t think I can manage 3 hours up a mountain at the pace of others without taking breaks as and when I want. Then I don’t think I can do the return leg. Also it is somewhere very remote that I don’t feel comfortable going at the moment in case something happens.

Actually I’d probably do absolutely nothing at the moment.

When your pregnancy is announced, pull out of the trip then. Everyone will very much understand.

Congratulations!

I wouldn’t use an event like a wedding as an excuse because your employer might then move the date to make sure you are free! I would say you are not able to join for medical reasons. If asked what that is, you can say you don’t wish to explain further as it doesn’t prevent you from doing your job in any way, but does prevent you from joining the six-hour hike.

I have said that, but they just keep pushing. It’s like they’ve judged the reason I gave doesn’t rank so they are just ignoring it.

I’ve struggled to keep pregnancies in the early stages before, so don’t want to tell work yet.

Well, obviously, those people will be happy to go along and there's no problem. We're discussing someone who doesn't want to go but is being pressured.

A 3 hour hike?!? Fuck that. Not a very inclusive team building excursion unless you are all mountain rescue or something!

I'd email the organiser, the sub-committee and anyone elseinvolved in the planning and say please remove me from the email list as I am unable to attend and that will not change.

Or you could just let them book the place and when you tell them about your pregnancy you can shrug if they get shitty and say well I did tell you I wouldn't be coming.

@Pepperpottereri think you have to tell them it’s on medical advice and if they insist that you are able to get a note to say so. They shouldn’t press you after saying that, but if they do, I’ve no doubt your gp would give you a note to that effect without mentioning why, especially given your history. You might have to pay for it though -although you could always suggest that if they insist on a medical letter that they should pay for it.

OP, I'd have a quiet word with your manager and say: I'd love to go, but I can't. I have a medical condition which in no way affects my daily work but means that a long hike is simply not possible or safe for me until the medical issue is resolved. It is personal and I don't want to go into details right now.

This is the truth. The medical issue is pregnancy.

Really? She'll be about five or six months pregnant by then. Could be short of breath, have a bump that makes scrambling impossible, or dangerous if she can't see her feet and might lose her footing. She may have pregnancy-related anaemia or gestational diabetes or pelvic pain or braxton hicks which can be brought on my strenuous exercise.

If the weather turned and they got stranded on the hike, or she slipped, it could be disastrous. It would be very irresponsible for a company to encourage a woman to hike for six hours when she is six months pregnant unless she is very used to this sort of exercise and confident and feeling fine on the day.

‘Medical reasons’? You might as well say you are pregnant!

White lie for now, or play along for a bit. All will become clear in a few weeks anyway.

You’ll have to be firm in your answer, as in clearly spell it out please do not pay for a place for me, as I will not be there to use it.

That sort of activity would be out for many people, not just pregnant - eg those with disabilities, visible or not. Sounds horrendous.

And surely the booze culture aspect of it as unacceptable in 2025?

tell Your manager confidentially you can’t go and the honest reason why. Whilst I appreciate lots of people don’t want to tell their employer, from the moment you tell them they have a duty of care for you and have certain legal responsibilities. You can say confidentially do that it is not broadcast and explain why. They should then back off as I can’t see a risk assessment coming out well for that type of work trip around 20 weeks pregnant

Hmmm. I’m not sure. Depends on OPs relationship with her manager I suppose. And also whether OP can trust her manager not to spill the beans or let the game away?

Personally, I wouldn’t feel compelled to share this information early just because of a distant work trip (that they ultimately won’t want you to go on anyway).

OBVIOUSLY it’s better for OP to miss this mountain-hiking, boozy event at 5 months’ pregnant. You don’t need a risk assessment to work that one out. They also clearly don’t want to reveal their pregnancy just yet, but they won’t be seen as dipping out of “activities they don’t like” when all becomes clear that they’re pregnant in a few weeks to a month. Don’t worry, OP - make the excuses that feel right to you and keep them at arms’ length for now. All will become very clear once you let them know. Try not to let this stress you out, and congratulations!

I was sick as a dog from the second I peed on a stick and found out I was pregnant. There’s no way I could have hiked anywhere when I was pregnant.

There’s no way I’d be telling a manager I was pregnant before 12 weeks. It’s personal.

I’d elther say I was having some medical problems and GP has advised against it or invent a family commitment I can’t get out of.

Thank God I have never worked in a place that expects things like this. Are overnight team building trips written into your contract? Otherwise it would be a "No I am not able to attend" from me, pregnant or not.

I mean it’s entirely up to you what you would do. Personal or not the employer has no responsibility beyond normal health and safety if you don’t tell them. Yes it’s uncomfortable but your additional rights kick in once you inform your employer your pregnant. It doesn’t have to be a fanfare of an announcement just a simple confidential conversation with a manager.

A 6 hour trek in a remote location cannot be a compulsory team building exercise because it is not inclusive for anyone with mobility, fitness or health issues.
I understand why you don't want to disclose your pregnancy at this stage. As you don't have HR, all you can do is continue being vague and potentially offering up a "happy to join a teambuilding exercise however I am unable to join a 6 hour trek for health reasons".