hate being referred to as 'girls'!

[maybabymaybe]

a straightforward AIBU and a question - does anyone else have a bad reaction to being referred to as 'girls' and if you did would you mention it? I'm talking about within a friendship group and it's not done with malice or to patronise.... But I'm a grown up mother, with a job, and many many hard, painful responsibilities and I feel I've earnt some wisdom and I don't miss being a girl or even a young woman! Would you tell friend this is how you feel or is it best to ignore?

Just reading the thread to see if I was right…

I'm 64, my husband is 71. My dental receptionist, and the person behind the counter at our fish and chip shop both call us 'lovely'. As in 'did you want to make another appointment lovely' and 'thank you lovely'. We both hate it! Much worse than being called 'girls' in my opinion. Mind you I grew up one of three sisters and we were always called 'the girls', so I guess I'm used to it.

It depends on the context
My mum referring to her daughters as her girls or a friend saying girls night out, fine.
Mainly because I live somewhere where it is equally common to say "out with the lads/boys holiday" even if said lads are in their 60s, so have never considered it to be infantilising/derogatory.

Otoh I had a boss who referred to colleagues as "those silly girls" which obviously wasn't appropriate.

Go on then, I'll take the bait, is it that you don't believe that men being referred to as boys happens and people who say that is common usage in their area are lying (not sure what for, internet cool girl points?), or that you accept it is something that is said but isn't the same as women being referred to as girls (and if so why?)

I love it, it makes me feel younger than my 50 years!. Not from creepy old men of course, but from friends.

As long as it’s not being used in a patronising way I don’t think much of it. There isn’t really a more palatable alternative. Ladies is twee; “come on, women” sounds a bit odd; plenty of women object to being called guys or folks; gang doesn’t work well in most circumstances.

You're not wrong, OP, but almost as bad is when a fellow middle-aged woman sends a group message beginning "Hello Ladies"..... 🤮

I do not mind it all.

Personally I don't like it. To me it belongs in a category with the word "hubby" and activities like getting your nails done or going to bottomless brunches 😂 nothing wrong with those things of course, they just aren't things that jibe with me! If I'm addressing a group of female friends I tend to use "gang" or at a stretch "ladies".

What's wrong with just "a trip" or (if absolutely necessary) "a friends trip"?
Why do they need to be patronised as either a girl or a lady?

I'm retired but when I worked, just last year, we had girls nights our ages from 22 to 65 no one was offended or if they were nobody said anything. I also called the boys exactly that because compared to my great age that's what they are.
Nobody died.

Doesn't bother me except in a work situation if it's used in a minimising way.

Why would you be pissed off with the third example but not the other 2?

I would find the third example infantalising and patronising.

Probably because men can't do anything right on mn. Being protective of women even in a clumsy way is frowned upon.

Patronising arseholes can't do anything right.

Agree with this. I hate ‘ladies’ with a passion. Only one close friendship group refers to us all as girls and it is done somewhat tongue in cheek.

I hate it.
I remember being asked by my midwife what I wanted to be called while in labour with my son and I said just my name is fine, but please don’t call me ‘clever girl’ between contractions, I have a pHD and I am almost 40’ 🤣🤣🤣 she roared with laughter

It's a preference, it's fine to dislike it but there is also nothing inherently wrong with it unless you try really hard.

What is wrong with 'girls trip' if the person does not mind?

Why police other people's language just because you have issues?

It's not something I can find myself to get worked up about. My mum is a 71 year old retired grandmother who was out for lunch with the "girls" today!

I find it infantilising. Whether or not it pisses me off enough to say something depends on the context.

But he’s being kind to you, he’s not saying it with any malice. Surely an elderly lady or your mum saying it would be infantilising?

That’s what I thought.

I'm a middle aged woman and don't need protection from swearing. It's infantalising and patronising.