To dislike when DH says 'Mummy won't allow Daddy to have those'

[pontipinemum]

OK this is a complete non issue and I am already over it, but it just annoys me!!

Our 2 yr old is seriously fussy right now - we are trying everything!

But it can be counted upon that he will eat little brioche rolls. I buy an 8 pack in the weekly shop and he has 1 a day. DH has the other.

DH knows they are for the toddler, but has sometimes had half the pack. I have said countless times if you'd like them I can get more than 1 pack. We could even keep a few in the freezer. He says 'no I am trying to stay away from bread'. So I stick to the 1 pack. I just hate waste. So I don't like buying them if they won't be eaten.

But when DS asks him if is having one he says 'no mummy won't allow me' it just annoys me like I am controlling what DH eats. I'm not and I said it last night when he said that to DS, that mummy asked daddy if he wanted them and he said no.

AIBU to be a little annoyed about this?

He's not being truthful. These are small lies of course and childish ones. He should know better.

Lie 1 - I only want one brioche a week.
Lie 2 - Mummy won't let me have any brioches when I want them.

He's acting like a child and making your life more difficult when he could just have some self control.

But that’s not the OP role to accommodate his greediness and inability to respect the snacks that are for his own child. Why should that labour fall onto her?
If there are no brioche left because he ate them, he can go and buy some. QUICKLY.

You're his wife, not his mother.

I would be extremely annoyed, not only is he childish, doesn’t seem to pull his weight for food shopping but he is not acting as a team in front of your child and involve the kid in the bickering. That is fecking not ok, even for small stuff like a brioche.

I would remind him very clearly you are married to a man and have a child, you don’t have 2 kids, and there is nothing sexually attractive in a 30/40y old man acting like a petulant kid, undermining you in front of your child and unable to be honest about his brioche consumption.

I really wouldn’t let that mindset fester.

Just buy 2 packs.

I would agree, and have said that she is not the quartermaster and he needs to stop treating her like his mummy beginning with calling her by her name, but given that he IS eating the brioche, despite being asked not to, and that is causing OP stress in the moment when there are not enough brioche left, plus the fact that putting two in the trolley when you're already putting one in there is arguably not more labour than it is arguing with this dipshit manchild about what he should and shouldn't be eating, on this one I'd take the path of least resistance and tell him to stop treating me like his mother in a wider sense, brioche isn't the issue here.

He was talking to their child though not to OP.

Do you refer to eachother as 'first name' when talking to your children?

I can't imagine saying to my child tell 'Dave' we're ready to leave etc..rather than tell dad (daddy).

OP, I agree with pp, just buy 2 packets

I'd take the 'Yes, because they are DS's snacks. If you want some, put it on the shopping list' approach, rinse and repeat.

No, not ideal to have to take that approach with a grown man but (1) it avoids you being the overall food/fun police; (2) it establishes to DS that you will protect his treats if necessary; and (3) it establishes DH's responsibility for putting things on the shopping list.

Labour? This is taking mental load too far trying to say picking up (or ordering) two packs of brioche instead of one is some kind of labour.

Those things would survive a nuclear winter. Buying two packs a week means enough for child and enough for husband to fail in self restraint. He wouldn't be the first person to lose self discipline in that face of brioche. If he succeeds, the spare ones will still be there the following week.

He's trying to cut down on bread and he's putting you in charge of it.
I suggest you fill the freezer with them. If he can't control his eating that's his problem.

Dh used to do the same but I have told him quite clearly that I am not taking ownership of his eating. I have enough to do.

OK I will buy two. I've bought 2 in the past and still ended up with the same problem no brioche towards the end of the week. And yes DH knows 7 are for DS. They come in a pack of 8.

I do the shop from home online. So he is there when I say would you like brioche, no, are you sure, I don't want them, last chance, no I'm trying to stay away from bread.

It was the blaming me to DS that annoyed me. I can just hide a DS pack.

I work from home and DH farms so I decide every meal we ever have breakfast, coffee, lunch or dinner out because we are both here. I make sure there is enough tea/ coffee/ sugar/ milk. Easy to get breakfasts. Lunch ready for when he comes in. Decide and cook what is for dinner. Try and get the toddler to have a variety of foods. Make sure there are always little frozen homemade dinners for weaning baby. I keep a supply of frozen veg soup in the freezer and single portion meals too. Plus extra bread and milks in the freezer. A continuous supply for fruit that each person likes. A trip to the supermarket yesterday just for things for him today since he will be working super late the next two nights.

So don't blame me for not getting you a freaking brioche that you said you didn't want! And do not tell my child I won't allow it!!!!!

I'd buy ten packs. Put one in every cupboard.

O/t but why is everyone leaning these days?

suddenly noticing on so many threads people “leaning into” things.

Where on earth has it come from?

OK I will buy two. I've bought 2 in the past and still ended up with the same problem no brioche towards the end of the week.

Then buy six packs, or ten packs. Buy more and more packs until there IS some left at the end of the week.

The alternative is accepting that he has made you responsible for monitoring his food intake, PLUS you have him making you out to be the "fun police" - setting up a dynamic of him and DC on one side and you on the other.
NO. Just no. Don't take on that role.

In regards to the Brioche just buy loads and stick into the press.

In regards to your man child you need him to 1.grow up and 2. Start taking some of the tasks off your plate. I understand that farming is consuming but do not let him get out of doing his own share.

I can just hide a DS pack.

Don't do this. You should not have to be hiding food in your own house - that is just pandering to DH's lack of self control. It is stooping to play his silly games.

Just buy loads and loads. It is not up to you to hide them or stop DH eating them. He can eat them or not, that is his choice.

I'd buy 20 and put them all over the kitchen.

Then I'd never buy him a single other piece of food ever again.

Even if we stayed together, I would stick to this to my dying day.

I want to point out also, seeing as others seem to have missed it, that your DH is a functioning adult and so could go to the shop and buy brioche for himself if he really wanted to. But he sees you as his mother, who buys his food and gives him permission around it. YUCK!

Can't you just say "I asked you if you wanted me to order you brioche, if you let me know next time then I can order you some. I only don't want you eating ds' treats, because it isn't fair on him."

What a dick!

The brioche rolls are unimportant in the scheme of things. He eats them or he doesn't. As long as he leaves DC their one a day. The real issue imo is the habit of speaking to each other through your child. It's passive aggressive and will be very uncomfortable for your child when he's old enough to understand as it makes him an unwilling participant in your bickering. If I were you I'd be putting a stop to this before it becomes a habit, and next time tell him to speak to you directly.

I'm with team passive aggressive, I'd buy 10 packs too and put one in every cupboard. I hate running out of really necessary items and having to make mad dashes to the shop.

Just semantic shift.

I saw it more as showing daddy up to being a greedy one who wants to eat the child’s food and Mummy just stopping him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Play him at his own game. "Don't be silly Daddy! Of course you can have one if you want one! You told me not to buy you one, remember?"

Yes, you are to be annoyed because he is lying to your child. I know that sounds harsh, but it is what he is doing. As you described, he has said he is trying to limit his intake, and you've given him options to avoid that by letting you know to buy more.

I do not typically advise parents to correct the other parent in front of a child as this can undermine a parent's authority, and serve as fuel for partner problems, but in this case you have repeatedly asked him not to do this. So, the next time he does this, you are to respond with, "Daddy is wrong. He can have as many as he wants. I've never told him he cannot. He just has to tell me how many he wants before I buy them at the store."