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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD and party

39 replies

Geesadv · 20/05/2025 23:21

I don’t know how to handle this as DD is my eldest. She’s nearly 10 and every single party idea I have come up with she is refusing as someone else in class has done. E.g trampoline, go cart, bowling, swimming party, even any mention of arts and craft type she is refusing as someone has had a similar party. I don’t know what to do. How would you approach it? I’ve tried explaining there are only a few options and everyone repeats same parties.

I’ve managed to convince her of one idea but I think she’s forgotten a girl in her class had a party at same venue. I haven’t booked yet or sent party invites but do think this is sneaky of me? I’m worried she will remember it or another child in class might mention it.

is it really bad form to repeat other children’s party venues or types of parties? I feel so lost, I have no energy to even think of her party. I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve offered other suggestions like we save the money and spend what we would have on a weekend away somewhere as a family but no she wants a party.

OP posts:

sheknowsitstoolate · 20/05/2025 23:23

She picks a party idea by a deadline and if she hasn’t, she doesn’t get a party.

If every kid in the class near us decided to have a different theme, half the class wouldn’t be able to have a party without travelling a good distance for it.

Original poster

Geesadv · 20/05/2025 23:24

@sheknowsitstoolate thats a good idea.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 20/05/2025 23:26

Let her sort it! She's old enough to think of her own party idea.

Original poster

Geesadv · 20/05/2025 23:26

I think the kids in her class might tease her and say she’s copying so and so. I have noticed the kids are a bit like that in her class, e.g. last year she wore a headband saying happy birthday on her birthday and she came home crying as the kids were saying she’s copying so and so as they had same hair band. I bought it without knowing as it was the only one in the shop.

OP posts:

Bourbonversuscustardcream · 20/05/2025 23:30

Just tell her when she’s decided what she wants you’ll book it. If that means a party never happens then so be it.

Defintely not bad form to repeat parties. My DC1 went to the same place seven parties in a row one year, the kids all still loved it the seventh time!

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/05/2025 23:33

Tell her to pick one by this date or she doesn't get a party if she's going to be so fussy.

InfoSecInTheCity · 20/05/2025 23:40

Just wanted to throw a few more ideas in for 10yr old parties that might be available in your area as you’ve had good advice about how to approach the conversation with your DD.

Outdoor pursuits/ go ape type place - archery, rope climbing, bell boating, team games where they make rafts and stuff
laser quest
pamper party either at home or some places run them as party event specifically for kids
independent cinemas sometimes do screen hire where you can choose any film and have a small screening just for your group
we have a youth club in the area that does video game parties with slushees and junk food, there’s also another company that has a bus you can hire that’s filled with video games, has disco lights and music etc, it pulls up outside your house and they use it for a couple of hours then it drives away.
one of DDs friends just had her 11th birthday the other weekend, they borrowed a big tent from a family member, loaded it with duvets and pillows, set up a projector in the garden to watch a film, cooked pizza, chips and chicken nuggets, made popcorn and various snacks available and let the kids camp out overnight. They had a ball, up till midnight then all slept till about 9am. If you didn’t fancy a garden camp out you could empty her room and do a similar setup inside for a few friends.
adventure golf, we have one of those chain places in the city centre that have a couple of different indoor courses and then a cafe where you can get stone baked pizza and frozen drinks.

MrsPinkSky · 20/05/2025 23:42

Tell her to stop being silly and try being a little more grateful.

She's a 10 year old girl, not a child prodigy.

If 'repeating' a party is something she doesn't want, then tell her to skip the party altogether.

And then work on helping her care a lot less about what others think.

Original poster

Geesadv · 20/05/2025 23:46

@InfoSecInTheCity that is really helpful thank you so much! Some great ideas. Thank you x

OP posts:

Mandylovescandy · 21/05/2025 00:01

My DC was also weird about their party and couldn't think of an idea, wouldn't make a list of who they wanted etc but they definitely did want a party. I basically picked something that I was confident they would enjoy and "sold" it to them and they had a great time. Evidently you have to 'copy' party ideas as there are only limited places and the kids always seem to enjoy it anyway. How many is she wanting to invite? Could she invite a smaller number (without the ones who tease people for copying) and maybe do something more expensive/different that is possible with smaller number of them?
Other things I thought are there any escape rooms nearby? I also looked at spy party - is there any theme they have that would interest her?

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/05/2025 00:01

Why doesn't she choose?

Footballinthestreetagain · 21/05/2025 04:06

Gosh she sounds extremely spoilt.
As do her school friends - that's very unpleasant behaviour you are describing.

Honestly if she is turning her nose up at every suggestion I would be telling her there will be no party.

HalfTermLooming · 21/05/2025 04:46

I’m not sure it sounds like she’s spoilt. It sounds possible she’s being bullied a little by her friendship group and is hoping an amazing party will get it to stop. Which it won’t. I think she needs help with this. Could be me projecting but I remember similar happening to girls when I was at school.

WhisperingTree · 21/05/2025 05:05

I can see why she doesn’t want to go to the same place. She is being bullied by her friends. I think from DCs around Year 5 and 6, we also had DJ/disco, ice skating, roller skating, go ape, some science party host, local pool with lazy river and slides, pamper with nails and face masks, dance and gymnastics.

WhisperingTree · 21/05/2025 05:08

DC has done escape rooms but only in secondary. I don’t know if a group of 9 and 10 year olds can successfully solve the puzzles. Also venues are for smaller groups usually and you need an adult in the room for that age group. But if you can find a room for younger children, it’s a good idea.

Pippa12 · 21/05/2025 05:10

My daughter and 8 friends went to an alpaca farm for the afternoon then tea at ours when she was 10- they loved it!

1SillySossij · 21/05/2025 05:24

What a brat! Won't have this party, won't have that party! FGS stop indulging this spoiled behaviour. She should be grateful she is getting a party at all.

SlayFever · 21/05/2025 05:24

I am a bit surprised when young kids are given so much ‘power’ and control. She needs to choose something from the options available.

Of course kids repeat parties.

We have had every kind of party. The best ones, looking back were the least structured ones where the kids could just run around in a hall…

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 05:27

Footballinthestreetagain · 21/05/2025 04:06

Gosh she sounds extremely spoilt.
As do her school friends - that's very unpleasant behaviour you are describing.

Honestly if she is turning her nose up at every suggestion I would be telling her there will be no party.

This.
When did such elaborate/expensive parties become the norm? Was it around the 1990s?
A party isn't essential and even if having one it doesn't have to be a massive occasion.

whynotmereally · 21/05/2025 05:39

A couple of this my dds did around thet age-

Went to a chocolate cafe - they had a children’s version of a cream tea and the host did chocolate related activities

Concert with one friend

Had a murder mystery party at home

pamper session in local beauty salon

Goinggreymammy · 21/05/2025 05:44

I don't think she sounds spoiled. She sounds stressed. And saying pick something or there will be no party just adds to the stress. Some children fi d decisions really hard.
I think yalk to her about who she would really like to be there, try to find out which children she's worried about copying, and it might end up you.picking an activity you know she will like for a smaller number of her friends. And selling her the idea then.

1SillySossij · 21/05/2025 05:47

Goinggreymammy · 21/05/2025 05:44

She's only 'stressed' in that she can't think of a way to 'one-up' her friends!
'selling her a party' !!! Dear Lord, how have we got to this stage?

Marchitectmummy · 21/05/2025 06:07

What about a disco, she can choose the music on advance from Spotify or whatever. Then do it however works and even if there has been one before you can make it feel different and different venue etc. nice fairy lights and glitter balls etc

InfoSecInTheCity · 21/05/2025 06:08

I agree that she sounds stressed rather than spoiled, this age yr5/6 is really hard. There’s a definite split between less mature and more mature kids in the class, socially they aren’t developed enough to be particularly good at being tactful and considering the effect of their words or at interpreting comments and recognising joking/sarcasm but they are trying it out more. We found that there were lots more friendship fall outs, hurt feelings and rapidly changing cliques in the last 2 years than in the whole of primary school before that. There’s also the introduction of pre-puberty hormones at play amping up all the emotions.

If she’s had some nasty comments from others in the class then it will make it hard for her to decide what to do, she wants her friends at her party, she wants to do something fun, she doesn’t want to be teased, she wants to impress people and for them to have fun, she wants it to be about her because it’s her birthday and it might feel like if she gets it wrong then they will think there’s something wrong with her. That’s a lot for a 10 yr old to try to handle.

ThejoyofNC · 21/05/2025 07:05

You're creating a monster by pandering to a 10 year old this way. Tell her to choose a party or she won't have one at all.

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