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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think if DS has suspected ASD at 1 year old it probably is?

37 replies

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 19:23

This is my first post and I hope I don’t get flamed because I am already so desperate and down. Sorry for the long post and ramble.

My almost 13 month DS is behind on all communication skills. He “failed” his 1 year old on the areas of communication and social. He was 11 months at the time and is a second kid, completely chilled and happy to just be around me and my DD - who is 3 - and I thought I was just maybe being not stimulating him enough. He has zero screen time and just sort of joined her on her playing, outings etc, nothing super catered for his age but not being neglected either. I was concerned at the time but thought he would catch up as I was trying to have more 1-on-1 time with him but a long time has passed and nothing changed. He absolutely does not respond to his name ever, doesn’t wave, point or look at where I point. He can clap but on his own accord, barely on command. Other than that doesn’t get any other command such as grab the ball, give me the ball, peekaboo, where’s XYZ. Nada. He doesn’t look at his dad when we say papa, or fo me when we say mama, etc. He has absolutely no understanding of any words (we tried to teach him a few basic ones as ball, milk, mama, papa, sister, but nothing stayed with him). Zero words and not much babbling. Moderate eye contact but on his terms, never when we call or try to catch his attention. He is being followed by a team of HV that are doing some play therapy sessions and teaching us some tips to estimulate him. He started nursery at 12m and when I told that to the manager she told me he is indeed behind and has the marurity of a 8 month old. He is an extremely happy little boy, super chilled, will laugh at you, quite cuddly, sleeps well, not walking yet but cruises and has good motor skills in general. But nothing we do seem to improve the areas we need. The HV are worried too.

I am beyond anxious. Since this was all flagged I lost lots of weight, I haven’t been sleeping and my life is consumed googling things about this. We’re doing loads with him and basically no improvement which is breaking my heart. I can’t concentrate at work, I’m beyond worried about my little boy.

Cutting to the chase: if you had a baby at this age with so many lack of social skills did it turn out to be ASD or did they catch up eventually? After searching the whole of mumsnet, reddit and the internet in general it seems like most babies with severe lack of social skills like him end up being diagnosed. I haven’t found a single story of them catching up etc. I just need to know if I should keep my hopes up or start to get ready for a diagnosis in the near future.

Please be honest but gentle because I am a mess right now.

OP posts:
MrsSkeffington · 20/05/2025 20:05

I did and yes my son is autistic. However he started to speak suddenly about 3 and a half and doesn’t stop.
He is still my little boy, and I get him all the help I can. It does get easier. It was like mourning at first when we found out. It will pass if this happens for you too.

MrsSkeffington · 20/05/2025 20:07

Also, he is behind socially and academically but he’s found his tribes and his friendships are very important to him. He’s a very social chap now

EleanorReally · 20/05/2025 20:07

keep an open mind op
will they test his hearing?

Devilsmommy · 20/05/2025 20:10

Definitely get his hearing checked and don't focus on ASD. Could be a development delay. There's a reason Asd can't be diagnosed this early.

Branleuse · 20/05/2025 20:22

It sounds like he is probably on the spectrum.

He sounds like a lovely happy boy though.
There are a lot worse diagnoses to have!

ReplacementBusService · 20/05/2025 20:23

My son was quite like you describe. And he was a second child, his older sibling sort of communicated for him and he was really chilled and happy at home, and alright in childcare. He did turn out to have glue ear, and getting it treated helped. He did develop. However, he does have ASD. Your son might not do, you don't know yet. For me, this was more than 20 years ago and ASD wasn't so much on the radar for healthcare professionals. My DS did not get a diagnosis until his teens and we all missed our on a lot of understanding I really wish we had had sooner. So, I don't know if sharing this will be helpful for you, because what you describe is difficult, and anxiety provoking, nothing can really take that away, but I can say it is definitely NOT the end of the world if he is ASD and it is much better to get a diagnosis established early on and get the support you all need. If he is happy and chilled, and cuddly and laughs that is a fantastic start and you sound like a lovely family and you'll get through this together, whether he is ASD or not.

blacksheep2014 · 20/05/2025 20:24

I had/have a child exactly like you describe until 18 months. You're doing all the right things keeping the professionals involved, my DS also didn't walk until a week before his second birthday. At 18 months he didn't respond to his name, he said daddy I think but not much else and definitely not reliably. He couldnt follow instructions of any kind and although he would laugh at and respond to us i was very worried. We were under speech and language and under physio.

It's important to say that I'm very open to the fact that my son may still be diagnosed with ASD but please don't lose hope, so much can change.

DS is now 2.5 exactly and talks in sentences, knows colours and numbers, shouts mummy all day long and very much engages world around him, he's caught up on most of his milestones and the vast majority of this has happened in the last 6 months. He still doesn't respond to his name particularly well!

Take care

BarkItOff · 20/05/2025 20:27

My son is severely autistic and he was much less able than your child at that age. By 1 year he wasn’t yet sitting up alone, never smiled, never laughed, never cried for hunger, attention etc. basically lay there and existed but nothing more.

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 21:56

MrsSkeffington · 20/05/2025 20:05

I did and yes my son is autistic. However he started to speak suddenly about 3 and a half and doesn’t stop.
He is still my little boy, and I get him all the help I can. It does get easier. It was like mourning at first when we found out. It will pass if this happens for you too.

I feel like I’m mourning a bit, yes. I know exactly what you mean. The thought he might suffer or not understand and communicate with the world breaks my heart. I’m happy to hear your boy is doing well, bless him!

OP posts:
FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 21:59

EleanorReally · 20/05/2025 20:07

keep an open mind op
will they test his hearing?

HV said it’s still early days and I probably wouldn’t be referred for an hearing test but is happy to recommend me a private one which is what we’ll do ASAP. I heard some stories of babies not hearing well being the cause of some developmental delays. He’s passed his newborn hearing test and never had an ear infection so I’m quite confident it will come back clear.

OP posts:
FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:01

Devilsmommy · 20/05/2025 20:10

Definitely get his hearing checked and don't focus on ASD. Could be a development delay. There's a reason Asd can't be diagnosed this early.

We are focusing on trying to estimulate him and trying to communicate with him and make him interested. The therapist from the project has actually been amazing, so much so that we saw some tiny improvements and realized things we were doing wrong. I know he can’t be diagnosed now and this uncertainty and waiting is the worst part.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 20/05/2025 22:02

My ds was a Bog Standard dc until his teens....
ASD too late to diagnose as a dc now. 10 year wait here...

ThorsMistress · 20/05/2025 22:05

My DS was the same at that age in regards to speech and pointing. We received an autism and global development delay diagnosis when he was around 3. I was in bits. It felt like my world was crumbling and I truly worried for him. He’s 6 now and doesn’t stop talking, he has loads of friends and he is exceeding his age in reading and maths. He’s funny, kind and gives the best hugs. I wish I knew then what I do now. Sending lots of hugs x

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:05

ReplacementBusService · 20/05/2025 20:23

My son was quite like you describe. And he was a second child, his older sibling sort of communicated for him and he was really chilled and happy at home, and alright in childcare. He did turn out to have glue ear, and getting it treated helped. He did develop. However, he does have ASD. Your son might not do, you don't know yet. For me, this was more than 20 years ago and ASD wasn't so much on the radar for healthcare professionals. My DS did not get a diagnosis until his teens and we all missed our on a lot of understanding I really wish we had had sooner. So, I don't know if sharing this will be helpful for you, because what you describe is difficult, and anxiety provoking, nothing can really take that away, but I can say it is definitely NOT the end of the world if he is ASD and it is much better to get a diagnosis established early on and get the support you all need. If he is happy and chilled, and cuddly and laughs that is a fantastic start and you sound like a lovely family and you'll get through this together, whether he is ASD or not.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It really gives me hope that even if he eventually gets diagnosed I can still dream he can live a full and rich life. Yes, we love him to bits and will do whatever we can to help him, I just want to start aligning my expectations towards the possibility. I know everybody says it’s too early to tell but I haven’t seen any stories of babies catching up on so much and just being that delayed for no reason.

OP posts:
MrsKateColumbo · 20/05/2025 22:07

Sounds like my DS, he's on the spectrum a bit and he has ADHD but he's fine really. He's got his challenges but he's doing great overall.

I found doing early SPL therapy (and OT would have helped) helped give him a boost. The main thing that helped was adhd meds.

Overall I find him easier to deal with than my NT child!

MrsKateColumbo · 20/05/2025 22:08

Also once Ds Sas diagnosed i realised my whole family are neurospicy, so he doesn't really stick out in our group!

ThorsMistress · 20/05/2025 22:08

MrsKateColumbo · 20/05/2025 22:07

Sounds like my DS, he's on the spectrum a bit and he has ADHD but he's fine really. He's got his challenges but he's doing great overall.

I found doing early SPL therapy (and OT would have helped) helped give him a boost. The main thing that helped was adhd meds.

Overall I find him easier to deal with than my NT child!

I find my that with my DS and his brother too!

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:14

blacksheep2014 · 20/05/2025 20:24

I had/have a child exactly like you describe until 18 months. You're doing all the right things keeping the professionals involved, my DS also didn't walk until a week before his second birthday. At 18 months he didn't respond to his name, he said daddy I think but not much else and definitely not reliably. He couldnt follow instructions of any kind and although he would laugh at and respond to us i was very worried. We were under speech and language and under physio.

It's important to say that I'm very open to the fact that my son may still be diagnosed with ASD but please don't lose hope, so much can change.

DS is now 2.5 exactly and talks in sentences, knows colours and numbers, shouts mummy all day long and very much engages world around him, he's caught up on most of his milestones and the vast majority of this has happened in the last 6 months. He still doesn't respond to his name particularly well!

Take care

Thank you for sharing your story! I know it’s not a given it will happen to us but it certainly gives me hope. I hope from my heart that your boy keeps developing the way he is ❤️ I think I’m not so worried about a diagnosis per se but of how it will impact him. May I ask when did you start speech and physiotherapy and for how long?

OP posts:
FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:24

BarkItOff · 20/05/2025 20:27

My son is severely autistic and he was much less able than your child at that age. By 1 year he wasn’t yet sitting up alone, never smiled, never laughed, never cried for hunger, attention etc. basically lay there and existed but nothing more.

I’m sorry for you and your lovely boy, must be so hard for your family. My heart goes out to you and to hoping he can develop his full potential whatever that may be ❤️🙏🏻

OP posts:
blacksheep2014 · 20/05/2025 22:28

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:14

Thank you for sharing your story! I know it’s not a given it will happen to us but it certainly gives me hope. I hope from my heart that your boy keeps developing the way he is ❤️ I think I’m not so worried about a diagnosis per se but of how it will impact him. May I ask when did you start speech and physiotherapy and for how long?

We were under the early intervention Speech and language team from 15 months and physio from 21 months, discharged from both earlier this year at 27 months, we're in Scotland though so pathways may be different. My health visitor was brilliant, keep reaching out to them.

Above all try to enjoy him, it's really too early to get the answers so we shouldn't torture ourselves looking although I know it's easier said than done!

FigAndOlive · 20/05/2025 22:28

ThorsMistress · 20/05/2025 22:05

My DS was the same at that age in regards to speech and pointing. We received an autism and global development delay diagnosis when he was around 3. I was in bits. It felt like my world was crumbling and I truly worried for him. He’s 6 now and doesn’t stop talking, he has loads of friends and he is exceeding his age in reading and maths. He’s funny, kind and gives the best hugs. I wish I knew then what I do now. Sending lots of hugs x

It must have been so hard for you getting these news, my heart sank just by reading it. But what a turnaround he made, I bet you’re over the moon to see your boy thriving! I wish I could have a crystal ball to see what the future holds for us. Thank you for sharing this with me, all the best to you and your amazing little boy

OP posts:
minnienono · 20/05/2025 22:29

Both my DD’s were like your son. The ER lest has asd and was in an early intervention programme from 2.5, the younger was given early intervention from 14 months because she was on the same track , eldest was fully verbal by 4, incredibly clever (as in reading chapter books and able to do secondary maths aged 5) and plays 8 instruments, definitely autistic but deals ok with the world. Youngest learned to speak at 2.5 and has dyslexia and adhd, again very clever, masters educated… it’s a very variable situation

Toddlerteaplease · 20/05/2025 22:32

Has he had his hearing checked recently?

KittytheHare · 20/05/2025 23:00

This sounds exactly Ds2. He eventually started talking at around 3.5 and hasn’t stopped since lol. He got a diagnosis of ADHD with autistic traits when he was 11.

He’s now 22, thriving and about to start university. He’s extremely funny, has loads of friends and is a really happy young man. There have been bumps along the road and I’m sure there will be a few more to come, but overall his neurodivergence has given so much to our family

Blessthismess2 · 21/05/2025 00:49

My baby is almost 15 months and like this except she doesn’t clap