AIBU to think if DS has suspected ASD at 1 year old it probably is?

[FigAndOlive]

This is my first post and I hope I don’t get flamed because I am already so desperate and down. Sorry for the long post and ramble.

My almost 13 month DS is behind on all communication skills. He “failed” his 1 year old on the areas of communication and social. He was 11 months at the time and is a second kid, completely chilled and happy to just be around me and my DD - who is 3 - and I thought I was just maybe being not stimulating him enough. He has zero screen time and just sort of joined her on her playing, outings etc, nothing super catered for his age but not being neglected either. I was concerned at the time but thought he would catch up as I was trying to have more 1-on-1 time with him but a long time has passed and nothing changed. He absolutely does not respond to his name ever, doesn’t wave, point or look at where I point. He can clap but on his own accord, barely on command. Other than that doesn’t get any other command such as grab the ball, give me the ball, peekaboo, where’s XYZ. Nada. He doesn’t look at his dad when we say papa, or fo me when we say mama, etc. He has absolutely no understanding of any words (we tried to teach him a few basic ones as ball, milk, mama, papa, sister, but nothing stayed with him). Zero words and not much babbling. Moderate eye contact but on his terms, never when we call or try to catch his attention. He is being followed by a team of HV that are doing some play therapy sessions and teaching us some tips to estimulate him. He started nursery at 12m and when I told that to the manager she told me he is indeed behind and has the marurity of a 8 month old. He is an extremely happy little boy, super chilled, will laugh at you, quite cuddly, sleeps well, not walking yet but cruises and has good motor skills in general. But nothing we do seem to improve the areas we need. The HV are worried too.

I am beyond anxious. Since this was all flagged I lost lots of weight, I haven’t been sleeping and my life is consumed googling things about this. We’re doing loads with him and basically no improvement which is breaking my heart. I can’t concentrate at work, I’m beyond worried about my little boy.

Cutting to the chase: if you had a baby at this age with so many lack of social skills did it turn out to be ASD or did they catch up eventually? After searching the whole of mumsnet, reddit and the internet in general it seems like most babies with severe lack of social skills like him end up being diagnosed. I haven’t found a single story of them catching up etc. I just need to know if I should keep my hopes up or start to get ready for a diagnosis in the near future.

Please be honest but gentle because I am a mess right now.

My godson did not speak or walk until he was 2. He is absolutely neurotypical and brilliant. Currently studying to be an architect. At 13 months he did communicate a bit more than you describe, but not by much. He also had an older sibling and he was mostly content to let them do all the talking. So, I wouldn’t rule out any possibilities just yet. He is very young to be sure of anything much.

Hi OP. I spent many an evening trawling MN and similar for those ahead of me in the journey to tell me there was a miracle about to happen… alas… my child was diagnosed at 2.5 years. Life has been stressful, upsetting, challenging and a constant fight. We sorted out benefits (DLA high for both) this has helped pay for some therapies our council doesn’t provide. We’ve had to change our entire life plan but our child is happy and loved. We planned for more children but can’t due to the care need level.
People don’t realise it’s perfectly normal to mourn the experience of parenting that child you thought you’d have. It doesn’t make you love them any less. I’d lay down and die for my child right now but do I see others having an easy and fun time with their children and get jealous? Yes. Do I cry myself to sleep? Sometimes. But the dark cloud does lift and the diagnosis actually brought me clarity and at long last someone else saying yes wait a minute it must be really difficult for you all, which sometimes is all you need to hear.
Sending you and your little one love.

Please have his hearing checked. They told me my youngest was developmentally delayed. It turned out he had glue ear and could hardly hear anything most of the time. He apparently was very good at spotting visual clues and seemed to have taught himself some lip reading skills. He fooled doctors, speech therapists, his nanny, creche staff and both his parents. He's a university graduate.

For what its worth, my eldest is on the spectrum. He's in medical school. He has lots of friends and interests.

Can I ask what your child was exhibiting around the age of 15 months? X

One of my children was similar. Turned out to be his hearing and once that was sorted out he was absolutely fine. He went from not talking at all to talking in sentences quite quickly. I would definitely get his hearing checked as a first step.

Hi there 👋 okay so, no waving clapping pointing (this didn’t happen until last 3 years) non verbal until 3.5/4. Stimming constantly (vocal stims loud grunts etc rocking back and forth). No eye contact. Would take to soft play / groups and would not engage with anyone S if they were ‘on their own planet’. Didn’t laugh or smile (this came at around 2.5 years ish)
would roll their eyes around the room as if having a seizure. Didn’t respond to any words or requests (ie go get a drink etc) until almost 4 years.
their play it was obvious- lining things up for hours opening closing doors for hours repeat repeat repeat 🔂
Their walking. / motor skills was always fine.

Yes definitely can be this too (glue ear for example) it wasn’t for us but any child on pathway should have hearing checked

Sorry it mean to read ‘past 3 years’ in first part

You absolutely do not need to go private for a hearing test. It's the first thing that needs to be checked when speech and communication are delayed. Ask your GP for a referral.

Obviously private will be quicker but you'll need a hearing test as part of any emerging needs assessment.

So I recognised autistic traits in my son at 1 he had no language not even babbling . He had quite a sullen face and many many meltdowns a day. He hated being held (except for feeding) He was angry a lot of the time. Lots of head shaking/rocking. No pointing or showing me things, clapping or waving. No interest in other children . At around 20 months I contacted health visitor who agreed to come and see him, she did his 2 year review which he did badly on most areas except walking/climbing. She suggested speech therapy as a starter. Speech therapist agreed re autism and suggested referral to paediatrician which she put in. He saw the paediatrician at 25m (this was 7 years ago NHS wait lists were less dire) who agreed he met the criteria for autism pathway. Pathway was about year at that point , he was assessed and diagnosed by 3 years and 3 months.
He was in nursery at the time so they had him on their Sen register and applied for funding for additional support for him which continued on to school. We applied for his EHCP in reception, he’s in y5 now still in mainstream and has a full time 1:1. He started talking gradually from around 3 although a lot of it was repeating until age of around 7 now he doesn’t stop talking.

My advise if you continue to be concerned would be get your child seen by a paediatrician (or whatever diagnostic pathway your area has ) before 4. Once in school all decisions regarding asd referrals etc are made by school who will have their own agenda /funding concerns etc. early years pathway is also shorter than school age one.
Do get his ears checked and maybe consider speech therapy in a few months (whilst private is quicker you ideally want nhs if your asd referral would be NHS but obviously wait times need to be taken in to account) and see how he does at his two year review. It may be your concerns have gone by that point.

I am sorry you are so worried. Obviously nobody here can tell you if your son has ASD but I hope what you are hearing is that even if he does, it isn’t the end of the world. Kids with ASD have rich and happy lives, and often are more passionate about something that they enjoy than others. My advice is to enjoy your son while he is little and take each developmental step at a time.

You must go to the GP and ask for a referal to audiology. You will get one. This is the most obvious next course of action and your GP should recommend it. Also speak to SaLT and find out at what age they start accepting referals.