A little extra homework for DD9

[TalkToTheHand123]

Hi. A child support professional has contacted me to say she doesn't think my DD9 should be given extra homework by my parents as she believes DD9 gets bored in class in the belief it is because the work in class is now too easy.
I find this very hard to believe as she never does any / very rarely does when we are all together at their house. She has also missed a lot of classes for one reason or another and her school reports are always 'as expected' or 'needs to improve'.
AIBU to tell her to shut the f up that I disagree and even she was bored, to give her more advanced work instead if it is the case?

So why do you think she is being so badly behaved at school that they have sort early intervention???

Why are the grandparents so involved? Are they raising her instead of you?

Harsh but fair

Fair point, but they keep changing their story so it is difficult to know what is going on in that regard. One day it's 'she's not doing the work', then the next is 'she finishes too quickly', but again this isn't the point. The point is, should school professionals stop parents teaching their children a bit extra to suit themselves?

Or full of sh*t.

Nope. As I said earlier, they occasionally have her when I do an overnight shift.

Instead of ‘extra work’ why not just encourage her to read more books? Reading is a sure fire way to improve her education at home without clashing with the teacher’s classroom expectations.

Maybe it would be better to focus on teaching her manners and good behaviour, rather than focussing on academic homework.
If she ends up in some kind of exclusion unit because of lack of parenting, that's not going to help with your academic ambitions for her.

As I said earlier, she spends time at my grandparents and my dad is very soft with her, but her behaviour deteriorated quite rapidly recently when she was getting bullied by other girls. The school didn't seem to do anything until I made a complaint.

Maybe get her independently assessed by a private tutor. My daughter had a very 'spiky profile' - she was scoring well in harder areas and less well in easier ones, which made no sense to her teachers, and I got called into discuss her scores being lower than expected. We still haven't fully resolved the issue, but when the tutor tested her she scored high in all areas, so I think its something to do with focus/ making assumptions about the easier questions without fully reading them/getting distracted when the work doesn't fully engage her. A child can be both very able and not scoring as well as expected in tests.

Because she needs to do both. Teachers expectations seem to be very low. Again, why should pupils be limited to school expectations?

In my experience when I’ve asked my child’s teacher how to stretch her they’ve either suggested particular things that are broader than the curriculum (another book by the author of the book they read in class, something she might like to research further about the history topic) or said to concentrate on things they can’t do much on in school - learning an instrument or a language for example. Or just practicing what they’re already teaching. Just taking it upon yourself to teach ahead of the curriculum (possibly badly, possibly differently) is very obviously not helpful. They can’t stop you, but I don’t know why you’d want to do it - focus on practicing what they’re being taught at school or you teaching her something else entirely.

Though frankly I’d be focusing on your child’s behaviour not fussing about your right to give her extra work.

Would any outcome change the school's view of not wanting parents to give their children extra work to do?

Who told you your daughter shouldn’t have extra work? Was it their class teacher?

Ok, I think I get it. Your child actually doesn’t need extra/more advanced work because a)she’s not working at home or school and b) she’s actually finding the school work challenging. Your issue isn’t that she’s apparently doing little work at home or school, or that her behaviour is poor, your issue is a school professional had the temerity to suggest your parents extra work wasn’t actually helping. Which you agree with, since kid isn’t doing it. You just don’t like that a school professional is in any way trying to tell you what to do?

'Finishes too quickly' could mean not actually finished to the required standard/with enough detail/rushed.

My understanding is that she work they are giving her is at the same level she is at in her class.
The behaviour issue is a different story. I don't agree with how soft my parents are with her, but don't have much choice. All I can do, as I said, do what I can regarding it. But again, my point was regarding the school's view on extra teaching academically by parents, not the behavioural issue Ie. a well behaved child who doesn't play up, should just have to sit there quietly to suit the school and not be encouraged to reach a higher level?

They haven't mentioned any issue with the quality, so presume there was no issue with this.

The use of the word too, 'too quickly' as opposed to 'quickly' suggests there's a problem with the quickness, imho anyway.

If she is only at ‘expected’ levels why do you want her to have harder work and why do you want to give a professional a mouthful of abuse because you disagree with their opinions

Apart from all the "needs to improve " in her reports...?

She is at expected for some subject, but a little behind in others according to her last report.
I don't want to give a professional a mouthful. As I said earlier, I said I would simply disagree with the comment to leave the teaching to the teachers.
Again though, the point which I was asking is simply, is it ok for a teacher to say a parent shouldn't give their child any additional help with schoolwork at home?

This was regarding her work from last year, not the recent work.

You are 100% the problem. Stop snapping back at everyone and really be reflective about how you interact with others, your parenting and your child's current difficulties. You don't need to do that on this forum but you really do need to take a step back and consider how you come across and whether you're focusing on the right things for your child.

Who said to leave the teaching to the teachers?