These officers were no help!

[penniloc]

Yesterday my ex came to gather his belongings. I left my home for him to pack his things. This was after telling him he would need police escort. I figured if I’m not home there was no need to get police involved. He then begin to text me and told me he was taking MY belongings. I went back home and we ended up getting into an altercation over my things. The police were called and the first officer never even made eye contact so I asked for another.

I showed the second officer the text he’d been sending (saying he was packing my things, he would hurt me if I moved on etc) I asked them to have him get his things out and give me back my keys. He lives 4 hours away we had keys to each others houses. I walked back up to my door where him and the first officer was and I asked him again to have him get his things. Still never even acknowledged me just held his hand up at me.

My ex lied and said he had too much stuff to pack. So instead of going in (I asked him to, to see where his stuff was) he told him something he could do at court to get his things. He let him leave with his things still in my house and my keys. I looked at my doorbell footage. This officer was on camera calling me toxic and a narcissist.

no help at all. This man then drove past my house after the police left I packed up and stayed at my parents. I could see on camera him continuously driving by my home. I had to change my number because he would not stop calling. He also admitted to lying about taking my things so I would come home and talk to him.

YABVU
You should have arranged someone else to be there. Made other arrangements, packed his stuff, not let him in the house.

The police are not there to make sure your ex doesn't take your stuff after a bad breakup. Especially when you knew it had the potential to go badly.

im not packing anyone’s things and then be held accountable if it’s broken.

To be honest it doesn’t sound like he’s the problem

So he should have grabbed his things and left.

He let him leave with his things still in my house and my keys

Fair enough, you should have got your keys back, but how do you think the police can make someone go into a house and pack? That really isn't their job, and they, thankfully, have no right to force people to do things without a court order.

This.
What was the 'altercation'?

Take photos of everything. Pack up his stuff. Have a moving company pick it up and it'll be insured for breakage. Get your locks changed, and get on with both your lives. If you share kids then arrange to drop them off and return them to each other in a safe location (some parents use a police station).

The police are to ensure there's no violence or breaking of laws. They are not there to ensure that people get all the correct belongings - that's a court issue. Unless you actually file a police report saying the guy stole something. Frankly at this point unless it was a Rolex watch or something truly valuable or important just pick your battles. There's no point having a snit fit about him taking a toaster or a DVD - just let it go and get a replacement another time.

This wasn't a police matter. You should have packed his items and left them on the doorstep

There was violence that’s why the police were called. I didn’t care about little things around the house. But he’d tried to take my deceased grandmother’s ring. When trying to get it from him i was hit.

The police have better things to do than get involved in your squabble with your ex over whether that case belongs to you or him. Frankly, I’m amazed they even attended. Sounds like they thought you were being a drama queen too.

You skills have arranged for a couple of male friends/brothers/your father to be there with you. You should have shoved all his stuff into black bags and left it outside for him to collect at the agreed time.

I’d he didn’t give the keys back, change the locks. And move on.

Sounds like you quite enjoyed the drama, to be honest. And - insisting on another officer because the first one ‘didn’t make eye contact’. Hmmm. Grow up, stop using valuable public resources for your playground break-up and get on with your life. You’d think you were the first person on the planet to split with a partner 🙄

Really? Your late grandmother’s ring of such sentimental importance? And he hit you? Yet you failed to mention any of that in your OP but levered it in when you starting getting slated. If he had hit you, he would have been arrested and questioned.

That is amazing massive drip feed.

you need to change your locks instead of worrying about retrieving your keys. He could make a copy so getting them back is pointless.

I did have my XH come pack his things. He was moving out too much for me to pack for him. He needed a hire truck and several strong friends to help. I removed my most precious belongings from the house first. I packed everything into my car and left for the day. He still trashed my house, broke items, left broken glass, and turned off the pilot light on the gas. This is a normally sane man who had friends helping him and who told me they cleaned up the worst of what he did after he lost his shit. They just didn’t find everything. In retrospect, I should have hired movers, but it all seemed so civil when we were discussing the plan.

my point is that even the most mild mannered men go completely unhinged when you break up with them. You need to treat your EX like a wild dog for the time being. Sadly, the police can’t do much unless there is evidence of wrongdoing. It’s best to be strategic.

You need a lesson in what the police are actually there for.

Altercation.. I’m assuming none of you know what that means.

When someone says, “there was an altercation”, they are deliberately downplaying their own role. An altercation takes at least 2 people to participate. So who did what, I wonder?

We all know what it means. But your original ‘altercation’ story didn’t mention your late grandmother’s ring, which is supposedly so important to you, or that you were hit, which would obviously be a criminal matter. You’ve changed the narrative because you were being rightly slated for dragging the police into your tedious break-up. We see you.

I’m stunned the police would show up to supervise someone packing their stuff in the first place.
You must live in the one place in the UK with zero crime for them to be getting on with.

Let’s hope there wasn’t actually some serious incident occurring in your neighbourhood where the police could have been better deployed, rather than dealing with your psycho-drama squabbling over CDs and crockery.

People who misuse emergency services need to be given a hefty fine.

I had to contact landlord to change the locks. I didn’t pack his things because I don’t want to be held accountable for his things. I also didn’t put it outside because it’s a lot of strays around. I should have had someone sit here for him to gather his things. I just thought he’d get his things and leave. I did what I thought was best. I left my home.

Well that's a bit strange. Do you think you are the only poster on MN who knows what an altercation is? Hint, you're not.

Altercation can include some strong words said between individuals, I think given he hit you that would have been helpful to clarify.
I think in hindsight you should have had a more neutral third party there, having the police does not seem to have helped and not sure if you called them before or after he hit you?
They can't intervene on disputes around who gets what item and leaving your ex to wander around your house with your things in was never going to end well to be honest

I don't understand why people are being so unpleasant.

Having a police presence is recommended if there is the potential for it to kick off, and has repeatedly been recommended on Mumsnet. It's not an unusual thing, or a waste of Police time -keeping the peace is literally part of policing.

There have always been vipers on Mumsnet, but never so many arseholes.

100% agree. I stopped 2 police officers yesterday on our high street, who were ambling along with their Greggs lunch, to point them towards an RTA 100 yards away where a jogger had been knocked down 5 mins before. They couldn’t have had less urgency about them as they waddled back to their car. And that actually WAS a police matter.

I didn’t change anything you all assuming there was no reason for police. Because I didn’t tell what the altercation was.

The police officer was unprofessional. Id ask to speak to his Inspector and show him the film. Absolutely no reason to be calling you names.

Id change the locks and tell him he will have to make arrangements to have his things collected.