These officers were no help!

[penniloc]

Yesterday my ex came to gather his belongings. I left my home for him to pack his things. This was after telling him he would need police escort. I figured if I’m not home there was no need to get police involved. He then begin to text me and told me he was taking MY belongings. I went back home and we ended up getting into an altercation over my things. The police were called and the first officer never even made eye contact so I asked for another.

I showed the second officer the text he’d been sending (saying he was packing my things, he would hurt me if I moved on etc) I asked them to have him get his things out and give me back my keys. He lives 4 hours away we had keys to each others houses. I walked back up to my door where him and the first officer was and I asked him again to have him get his things. Still never even acknowledged me just held his hand up at me.

My ex lied and said he had too much stuff to pack. So instead of going in (I asked him to, to see where his stuff was) he told him something he could do at court to get his things. He let him leave with his things still in my house and my keys. I looked at my doorbell footage. This officer was on camera calling me toxic and a narcissist.

no help at all. This man then drove past my house after the police left I packed up and stayed at my parents. I could see on camera him continuously driving by my home. I had to change my number because he would not stop calling. He also admitted to lying about taking my things so I would come home and talk to him.

Pack his things up and take photographs of the items.
If you can put them in a shed or garage so he doesn't have access to the house.
Give him a date to collect his belongings by (a fortnight for instance) and explain that anything left will be thrown away. Put this in writing.
Change your locks.
Report that officer, with recording proof, to his senior officer.

However, that officer would not have known who owns what which is why you need to pack or move all of his items into one space. A garage or one bedroom or corner of front room would be fine.

I’m just being a drama Queen I guess. I still feel like what I did was reasonable and it was a reason to get police involved.

The police can deal with the texts stating he's in her house stealing her stuff.

Yep can’t work out why such horrible responses

Indeed. You saw that she was a woman expressing vulnerability and decided to go after her like the mentally unstable internet troll you are.

I’m amazed people are being so snide. A DV relationship with stalking is a police matter.

Had you reported him to the police previously or was this the first time it got physical? I’m assuming that was why you initially told him he’d need an escort if you were staying there.

I don't know why people are giving you a hard time!

Can you complain to the police about the officer?

I would pack his things, send them or set a date for pick up where you have a friend with you. Then ignore, ignore, ignore.

Ime police have minimal understanding of domestic abuse... My exh brought 2 pcso 's to my door to collect ds's stuff after he flounced off to his df's... Exh insisted he had a court order to collect the things (he didn't because no such thing existed) he was there to abuse me. 2 so called hobby bobbies stood there like the useless cunts they were..

Sadly the police can be crap at times when it comes to recognising domestic abuse and responding appropriately. The comments made by the officer also show how disgusting some
officer’s attitudes towards women are and why it’s likely the police can be so ineffective and convictions aren’t always sought. As so many women are killed by men on such a regular basis though they absolutely need to be held accountable and you should complain about this.

So if you were hit, surely you told the police? They were there observing, so they would have seen that happen and arrested him. Presumably you took photos of the damage he inflicted?

Frankly if I knew I violent ex was coming to my house and that the court wasn't permitting the use of a removals company I would have boxed up all his crap and put it outside. I would also have gathered anything like a beloved grandmother's ring and put it somewhere very safe where he couldn't find it, and had a friend come round to keep me company/video the situation. If you have doorbell video of, as you allege, the police officers making inappropriate comments then give that video to their superiors.

You need to make life easier for yourself in situations like this! You now know he's violent: don't go near him. If he is indeed violent then get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, and if he is anywhere near you then wear a body camera. Get the locks on your doors changed, get extra video security cameras, and block him from any and all social media/phones/emails etc etc.

I do - it means a noisy argument or disagreement, especially in public, which involves TWO people, not one.

To be honest, based on your responses here and your own version, it sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. The police aren't there to solve your relationship disputes, but if there was an "altercation" then they could have arrested both of you and then that would have solved everything.

He has been physical before that’s why I said he would need escort. I then decided to leave to avoid it all. But I shouldn’t have.

i don’t think so.
i have cut all communication I’ve changed my number. My parents have his number and have since them reached out for time/date he can get his things.

I am an outlier here, but I think you did the right thing calling the police. He threatened you, was violent towards you, and stated that he would take your things. It is indeed the job of the police to deal with threats, violence and theft.

Get advice from Women’s Aid. He had every opportunity to get his stuff, he was in your house, and he chose not to.

Check for hidden cameras.

Be careful.

And Make a police report about the threats.

I am astonished at the victims blaming on this thread.

This is a woman.who had been stalked harassed and assaulted by her ex.

This is s support forum for women. There's clearly sone trolls here. Who would take issue with the word altercation? It's very odd. It's utter nonsense to say because one previous poster has a certain interpretation of altercation, everyone else must share it and the OP must be equally culpable.

Also the police are exactly the people who should have been responding to the OP being assaulted in her own home.

OP please make a complaint about the police behaviour.

I told them everything! Even showed all the threatening text. They told me they saw no bruises.

I dont just leave valuables out. I’ve always kept all my grandmother’s things in a certain spot. Not easy to be found. I didn’t think he would stoop so low and go get her stuff. I really did try to make this easy. I left home giving him space to collect. I have outdoor cameras for safety reasons but no cameras inside.

I have not been home since. I work from home had to contact employer with my current address of where I will be. I don’t think I will be going back home if I do it will not be alone.

And I have made a report.

I don’t even know the first step to take to do so. I

Start with the doorbell footage. And a clearly depicted timeline of events, plus the threatening messages from your ex partner.

I’d be going ballistic at the attending police officers commanding officer / Chief Constable.

Don’t delete the camera footage.

Did you get the coppers lapel numbers? Doesn’t matter if not, contact your nearest station and ask from where they were despatched. Tell them you wish to make a complaint and that you’ll contact the IOPC if you don’t hear back from their CO in 24hrs.

The victim blamers on here should be ashamed of themselves.

I never delete my doorbell footage. Yes, I have the names and badge number of both officers.

Then I would raise a complaint. The officers have to remain impartial. Calling you ‘toxic’ and ‘narcissistic’ pretty much goes against that.

You can make a complaint re what was said by the officer on the camera.