Posting picture on facebook without my consent

[Thickasabrick89]

Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion i don't know.

I requested at the start of a weekend city break not to post any pictures of me on Facebook.

I mentioned it a few times throughout the trip to my brother not to. I don't give consent.

Tonight i noticed that he had put up a 'facebook' story and i am in a group picture.

I managed to get him to remove it immediately (although had been up for 5 hours).

My mum had explained he asked her first and she said do it as it is a nice family picture and will be up for only 24 hours as a result he put it up.

I'm feeling upset that my wishes were ignored. For reference we are in our 30s not 12 years old.

Whilst i shouldn't really have a reason as to why i don't want my pictures on fb etc. The main reason is for work as my job is sensitive. My profile is locked down, privatised and not used but I can't guarantee the same for close family and friends..

There is more. Such as my mum gaslighting me and saying I'm showing signs of a personality disorder and that i must be ashamed of my family for not wanting my picture up but not sure if relevant. I did offer to get it printed and framed as an alternative so she can see it every day which i felt was a fair compromise but no.

Reading it back it sounds like a stupid minor thing but has totally wound me up.

I think unless you’re in the secret service, you’re overreacting to a fb story. It was a group photo up for 24 hours, you weren’t tagged, I highly doubt anyone is scouring social media for photos to use against you.
If you’re that precious about it, come off socials altogether/refuse to be in photos.

You should probably just not have an account at all.

YANBU

I myself don’t like any photos of myself on SM etc and request people not to post any, my sister use to be a pain with this. She use to like posting every aspect of her life on FB. I do have a FB account but only because I volunteer for a dog rescue charity and they organise volunteer stuff through private groups on there. But if you don’t want them for a job related reason that’s even more important.

If you want to be totally in control of your SM phots etc, you can’t trust your family, then you need to take control.

Not allowing them to take photos if they can’t be trusted is that. No, you shouldn’t have to, but you can’t always control others.

Why can't they share it without using social media and sharing it with the general public or Bob down the road, someone they went to school with 40 years ago, and those harvesting the data for commercial purposes? It's not hard just to give someone else's privacy a little consideration, particularly when they made a specific and reasonable request.

Well, yeah, she probably will have to not be in family photos now the family have been shown to be untrustworthy and unable to follow basic instructions. But the family are the unreasonable ones, not the OP.

There's always a tendency to blame the victim of any wrongdoing and little understanding that a person ought to be able to trust others (esp family) to behave decently! You made a reasonable request and they ignored it because they don't take what you say seriously - they personally don't see why it's important, so they've disrespected your very real understanding of why it is and have done it anyway. I'd be furious too. The only things you can do are not to be in photos and if it doesn't compromise you, explain in gruesome detail the consequences to family members who have been identified by the wrong people. Maybe appeal to their sense of self preservation, since you can't appeal to their common sense.

I’m not disagreeing, I’m offering a solution.

Do your family not know what your job is and why you don't share photos due to this? Strange if you'd allow your mum to make a comment about a personality disorder and not correct her as to the real reason.

That said, your DB was out of order if you'd specifically said, and more than once, that you didn't want anything posted. In future try to avoid being in any photos being taken, unless you're the one taking them.

What is the nature of your job? If you’re working with the police it’s ok as long as it’s suitable. Maybe tell your brother that you’re not happy with it. And get him to add a little scribble to your face or as people use an emoji to cover your face

You can’t control it. That’s the issue. The only thing you can control is your own behaviour/ response.

i hate having my photo taken. I don’t know if any photos will be shared via WhatsApp or added to social media. So I do the easiest thing and don’t stand in any photos. Otherwise I take them on my phone so I can share the ones with family that I’m not in.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I have this very same problem with my own mum. I hate having my photo taken. I don't think I'm photogenic, I'm overweight and I hate how I look in them. If it's possible, I think I look even worse in a photo than I do in real life.
I constantly ask my mum not to point a camera at me and yet she does, every single time there's a family get together. She then proceeds to send the privately to me (or on a group chat) and she doesn't get why I am annoyed by this.
I know what I look like, I look even worse in photos and I don't think she has any right to disregard my feelings like this.
I've given up even trying now - it kind of feels as if she just wants me to see how I look and to be upset by it. I just don't comment anymore.
To those insinuating that the OP should just ask not to be in the photo - some people don't listen to you when you say that and will try every means possible to ensure they've got at least one photo with you in it - no matter how hard you've tried to avoid that happening.

There are professions where it's just not done. I knew an undercover customs officer, a social worker who dealt with violent criminals in prison. They've never had a social media presence and explained why. I'm with @Thickasabrick89 on this.

I'm imagining you as some kind of top secret international spy working for the secret services, not as a teacher from Bradford being dramatic.

I'm guessing your work will have procedures for this type of thing as it's bound to happen all the time. Everytime I walk through a city centre, there are people walking along taking live videos on TikTok or people on video calls or tourists taking pictures - it annoys me but I bet I'm in the background in quite a lot of them. How do you manage that? Do you just not go out without a proper disguise?

You're unlikely to be safe with printed photographs, and definitely not ones displayed in people's houses! Anyone could see them! And if people could be tracking you down, surely the first place they'd go would be to your family. Then they've got a recent picture of you.

YANBU. I think quite a lot of people feel this way about having photos of themselves on social media. I know two of my friends never have. I don't understand this fixation on plastering selfies everywhere. There have only ever been two recognisable photos of me on the internet and one of those was put up by a friend. I hadn't said I didn't want my photo on SM and let it go because it was in a relatively obscure place and I wasn't named.

Unfortunately yes for those who said this. My family can no longer be trusted. Having a family picture does not have to be shared on social media but it was. I wouldn't mind, i was the one who took the picture and i was badgered to share it on WhatsApp! Learnt my lesson there, won't make that mistake again.

I'm not a teacher. I don't want to say much more about my job but a lot of tools and techniques i use are also used on the TV show Hunted 🤣and i work covertly. I don't have a limited social media presence and even on here i regularly delete my profile and start afresh.

Even though family are aware of my job, my mum in particular just thinks I'm exaggerating or lying. Doesn't take it seriously.

My brother's excuse was that he thought that i just didn't want a solo picture on fb, whereas a family one won't matter as there are multiple people in it. Which to me is just an excuse/loophole attempt to rationalise the posting.

Many people have ex-partners or ex-friends who are still friends with their family members on SM, or they may be estranged from other family members, some may wish to live a private life away from it all. There could be a lot of reasons you don’t want photos on SM and people should respect that. Sadly the default setting is you’re expected to let people post your photos on SM otherwise they want an explanation or you’re seen as odd if you don’t like it.

Yeah, if you want complete control - and it sounds like you do - then you need to be the one taking the group photographs rather than being in them 🤷🏽‍♀️

So how do people prevent that if they go to a tourist attraction for example and caught in the background of someone else's pic ,( random person)

You'd have to wear a balaclava in public

I don't know, ask someone in the secret service?

If you're in the background of a public photo that's one thing, but being on sm with your family, that's complete exposure.

Yanbu.

I guess you'll need to get details of who it was shared with, everyone added as a friend on your brother's account and whether his profile is set to private and take it to whoever you report to at work.

It was foolish to have your picture taken at all given your workplace stance but I bet this kind of thing happens all the time so there will be a protocol for dealing with it.

As well as sensitive jobs many people are just private and don’t want all and sundry - as well as ads companies and data scrapers - knowing that they’ve been on a long weekend to Rome from X-X date, flew with X airline, visited the Trevi fountain wearing that new dress from Boden, drank Campari, and hung out with Aunty Sue, brother Jim and his glam new girlfriend from down south, Donna, who once dated someone who was on Sort Your Life Out.

But they might still want to use social media for following news, watching videos and buying stuff on marketplace.

All of this info is available from one photo on stories or a feed. It’s not necessary and it’s intrusive. Can’t we respect that medium ground of not wanting photos posted on social media, whatever people’s reasons?

One of my close family works in a job where they CANNOT have any social media presence.,,(think James Bond😆) to the extent we don't actually know exactly what they do but we know we've all been vetted! So we just respect that...we do not post photos. It's that simple.
Relative steps aside if it's a 'posed' pic but of course sometimes they are just in the general pics taken at gatherings so we just avoid posting those.
It's not hard!

I find it amazing that most people think having a photo taken means it will automatically be uploaded to SM. I'm late 30s and remember a time when photos were taken and printed, they don't have to be uploaded and it's nice to have memories for those who were there. You asked to not be uploaded so your brother could have taken 2 versions.