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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nosey aunty

51 replies

icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 13:57

My aunty is very nosey and im not sure if IABU or it is just how the older generation are.

She will always ask about work and how much money I make, how much money I have in the bank etc.

I fins this really rude and intrusive.

My aunt and uncle both love money, 3 out of their 4 kids have very good jobs, and one of my cousins retired at 40 (now 44).

I have recently moved house and just like they did with my sibling, my aunt and uncle will want to visit to have a good nose and ask a bunch of questions.

I am not really comfortable with this and DH finds them both rude.
It is harmless it’s just more annoying then anything else.

My mum says it’s because she hates the thought of anyone else in the family earning more money then her own kids and having a better house etc.

When I just got a new car she asked my mum what reg the car was, what make and how much it cost before doing a check on it. Very weird.

AIBU to not want them to come round?

OP posts:
IFellInto · 18/05/2025 14:12

YANBU.
I’d never ask my nephews/nieces that sort of info.

IPM · 18/05/2025 14:15

The answer to your question "AIBU to not want them to come round?" is so obvious it doesn't really need asking, does it?

And your question "Is just how the older generation are?" is so insulting and ageist, that didn't need asking either.

FairFuming · 18/05/2025 14:17

They sounds like terrible people, why do you even talk to them?

ballroomblue · 18/05/2025 14:18

Your mum is right. People who are that intrusive and want all the detail are desperate to make sure you're not doing better financially than they are. One upmanship is a boring game, and I really wouldn't want to bother with her.

MrsPlantagenet · 18/05/2025 14:19

Sounds like a weird dynamic. ‘Aunty’ makes you sound like a child.

Put some distance between you.

Original poster
icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 14:20

@IPM Sorry I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.

I never visit my aunt or uncle because of this and only bump into them at my parents.

OP posts:
Happymover · 18/05/2025 14:22

No it’s not how the older generation are. Why don’t you play them at their own game and grossly over inflate your answers. There’s scope to have a bit of fun with this if you really feel you have to let them visit. Also any questions they ask about your bank balance etc be sure to fire the same questions right back at them. They’ll soon get the message.

Poopeepoopee · 18/05/2025 14:25

As a PP said, have some fun with it.

You won't change them, you can only change how you react.

BangFlash · 18/05/2025 14:26

It’s a competition in their minds. I have similar relatives.

I answer nearly every question with ‘I can’t remember’ or ‘no idea’ etc. They get bored of asking. I guess when it’s unprovable like your earnings or savings you could just make up some huge number but then say ‘of course we give 25% of earnings to charity, that’s right isn’t it? Do you know how much cousin gives? I’m sure it’ll be similar’

ItGhoul · 18/05/2025 14:40

icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 14:20

@IPM Sorry I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.

I never visit my aunt or uncle because of this and only bump into them at my parents.

She sounds annoying and rude but if you only see her at your parents’ house occasionally, what’s stopping you from telling her to mind her own business?

When you say ‘AIBU not to want them coming round’ do you mean to your house, or your parents’ house? Because if you mean your parents’ house of course YABU; you can’t expect your parents not to see their siblings because you find them nosy. If you mean your own house, then YANBU.

Original poster
icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 14:49

Yes they want to visit me in my new house to just have a nose.
They did the same to my sibling who was extremely annoyed with it all.

It was just dropped on him as my mum is unable
to tell her sister to mind her own business.

My tells me I should just ignore her and she will get the hint, but it is every time.

Aunt and uncle are so money motivated and very competitive.
The cousin who is retired is the only kind one out of them and the only one who hasn’t been divorced, the other 3 have 6 divorces between them all.

Us siblings may not be as wealthy as our cousins but we are kind people and have all been married for over 20, 19 and 8 years now which I think says a lot but if you mention this to her she goes mad lol.

OP posts:
bettyboo9 · 18/05/2025 14:51

Boot

ilovesooty · 18/05/2025 14:52

Just don't invite them then and deflect any approaches.

What does your marital status and that of your family members have to do with anything?

ilovesooty · 18/05/2025 14:54

And why was your mum expected to deflect visits to your sibling's house?

TomatoSandwiches · 18/05/2025 14:54

You are an adult, you do not need to have your mother fight this for you, if your Aunt is angling for an invite just tell her you don't enjoy her company enough to want her in your home.

MissMoneyFairy · 18/05/2025 14:56

Mum shouldn't have told her your reg number, if they do come round, and that's a big if, then when they start asking just say please stop asking so many personal questions, we are private people and these conversations are getting boring now, hopefully they'll get upset and just go home. It doesn't sound like you need them in your life. I wouldn't bother inviting them.

ilovesooty · 18/05/2025 14:56

TomatoSandwiches · 18/05/2025 14:54

You are an adult, you do not need to have your mother fight this for you, if your Aunt is angling for an invite just tell her you don't enjoy her company enough to want her in your home.

Not even a young adult seemingly. I don't see why the OP is finding this so difficult to address.
Oh and I'm divorced. My sister isn't. I doubt if that makes her kinder than I am.

Original poster
icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 15:00

When my aunt comes round with my uncle all they do is boast about their children.
XYX earns this much a year
XYZ house costs this much

They are always boasting about something and it upsets me and my siblings as we feel we are being compared against.

One time she told us when her and my uncle go away on holiday our cousin gave them £3000 spending money in cash.

The point I was making was the only thing we can say which shuts her up is the fact that none of us have been divorced, she shuts up then.

My mum told her my brothers address and they just turned up one day, it caught him of guard.

OP posts:
Dogpawsandcatwhiskers · 18/05/2025 15:01

Aunty has a King Edward potato, not just a chip on her shoulder about money. The usual MN "Did you mean to be so rude?" with accompaying head tilt will do the trick!

MissMoneyFairy · 18/05/2025 15:01

Everyone just needs to stop being nosey and judgemental, your finances are not their concern, their divorces are not your concern.

ilovesooty · 18/05/2025 15:02

icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 15:00

When my aunt comes round with my uncle all they do is boast about their children.
XYX earns this much a year
XYZ house costs this much

They are always boasting about something and it upsets me and my siblings as we feel we are being compared against.

One time she told us when her and my uncle go away on holiday our cousin gave them £3000 spending money in cash.

The point I was making was the only thing we can say which shuts her up is the fact that none of us have been divorced, she shuts up then.

My mum told her my brothers address and they just turned up one day, it caught him of guard.

Well don't invite her into your home. If she visits your mother and you're there at the same time and her behaviour is objectionable, don't engage. Just get up and leave.

Original poster
icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 15:03

@ilovesootysorry I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.

I will tell my mum I don’t want her coming round and not to give my address out.
My mum just feels stuck in the middle.

All the boasting gets her down as well.

OP posts:
MaryGreenhill · 18/05/2025 15:05

I would lie my teeth off to them OP 🤣

ilovesooty · 18/05/2025 15:06

icelollyyy · 18/05/2025 15:03

@ilovesootysorry I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.

I will tell my mum I don’t want her coming round and not to give my address out.
My mum just feels stuck in the middle.

All the boasting gets her down as well.

Well your mum would be less stuck in the middle if she didn't do things like giving out other people's addresses and developed a backbone and told your aunt to mind her own business, stop boasting or not be welcome in her house.

sesquipedalian · 18/05/2025 15:10

“Yes they want to visit me in my new house to just have a nose.
They did the same to my sibling who was extremely annoyed with it all.”

And you will be extremely annoyed with it all, too. Your house, your rules - you do not need to have round people you don’t like. So don’t.