Nosey aunty

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My aunty is very nosey and im not sure if IABU or it is just how the older generation are.

She will always ask about work and how much money I make, how much money I have in the bank etc.

I fins this really rude and intrusive.

My aunt and uncle both love money, 3 out of their 4 kids have very good jobs, and one of my cousins retired at 40 (now 44).

I have recently moved house and just like they did with my sibling, my aunt and uncle will want to visit to have a good nose and ask a bunch of questions.

I am not really comfortable with this and DH finds them both rude.
It is harmless it’s just more annoying then anything else.

My mum says it’s because she hates the thought of anyone else in the family earning more money then her own kids and having a better house etc.

When I just got a new car she asked my mum what reg the car was, what make and how much it cost before doing a check on it. Very weird.

AIBU to not want them to come round?

The point I was making was the only thing we can say which shuts her up is the fact that none of us have been divorced, she shuts up then.

Things have got pretty toxic if you’re having to resort to that.

Wasn't there a Harry Enfield family who repeatedly said "I has much more money than you"

I wouldn't let them come round, they sound superficial and very boring.

Agree that this is not jut how older people are.

She sounds like she has issues and they are not your problem, frankly.

You don't have to answer her questions and you don't have to have her in your house.

If she challenges you about not telling her about your financial status or inviting her to your new home, I'd be tempted to be honest and say it's a lose-lose situation for you as, due to her fixation on finances and her constantly pitting family members against each other, she will either gloat if her kids have more or be annoyed if you do,

She sounds like a royal PITA but it also sounds like your family have enabled her behaviour by putting up with her shit for years when you really don't have to.

When people do this to me I just add on a lot more money to my exact wages this pisses them off. also I hope they don’t come to your house but if they do make sure you tell them you only had to get a small mortgage as you had most of the money in savings they only nose to see if there kids are doing better there not nice relatives are they so just lie to them. Exaggerate everything until they stop.

@JustSawJohnny I don't think its about age at all, its about life experiences.

My own mother wouldn't have dreamt of asking anyone how much something cost or how much they earned, or openly discussed how much she earned or any of her kids EVER but her sister is obsessed with this kind of info. She asked me recently "how much did your mum leave you" which I thought was really rude.

Repeat "why do you ask?" or "why do you want to know?" Ad nauseum...

Sounds like they will just turn up regardless. Have some fun with them, leave a huge oversized dildo on top of your spare bed with a big tub of vaseline beside it. Offer them a beer and hand them a giant nob bottle opener etc.

I wouldn't put my mum in the middle, I wouldn't insist she doesn't give them my address. If they turn up, just tell them you're too busy for visitors, sorry.

Who cares if she knows where you live and subsequently finds out how much you paid for the house?

How much do I earn Aunty? I'd need to tot it up, but salary, plus bonus, plus benefits.. umm and investments ..is that just mine or joint? I think in the region of (give a massive over estimate) - of course I'm about to be promoted and will get shares.. This house well we didn't go for the full budget and we are looking to buy a small place in France too.. then we need to invest some in a small project we have which will of course bring in money as well..

Just have a bit of fun with them.

‘how much do you earn’ - ‘ohhh I’ve hit the supertax bracket now Aunt, over £500’000 a year.

‘how much did you pay for your house’ - well we loved it that much we did over pay by about £200’000. So we ended up paying well over £900’000 for it.

id go as outlandish as possible, if they say you’re lying tell them it’s ride to ask those types of questions and there’s to life than the value of your bank account, house and car

Exactly. This is why I commented on OP's intro statement '..AIBU or is this just how the older generations are'.

It's not.

I was agreeing with you.

Why do you need your mother to be able to tell her sister to mind her own business?

You’re a grown woman .Just tell her yourself!

Depends on your culture and family but if any of my aunts or Sundays asked such personal questions about income and finances I would absolutely not feel comfortable answering.

It’s distasteful, impolite, and low brow to speak about money. It’s an unwritten rule. You just don’t. She’s a CF and YANBU

This is what l would do too.
It's like parents who want to know your kids' exam results, they only want to know if their kids did better. Sad really.

That would be my approach if I had to end up in these people's company.

If you don't want them to come round then don't have them, and tell your mother that you don't want your address or car registration given out. Not to them or anyone else if you haven't approved it.

it is just how the older generation are.

Yes, all people are exactly the same as your aunty. All of them.

Ah so it's OK to judge them because they hapen to be divorced but not OK for Aunty to judge you.

You don't have to tell them anything. They can see on Zoopla what you paid for your house anyway.

Your Mum is absolutely spot on!! My Aunt was exactly the same (she passed away in 2020) and as much as I adored her, she was bloody nosy and asked intrusive questions. Her youngest son (my cousin) was the 'apple of her eye', and she couldn't stand the thought of anyone in the family earning more or having more than her son! I couldn't give a monkeys if my cousin is better off than me or not! He's a complete knob, but that's an entirely different story!! I never answered questions on earnings/savings etc, because it's quite frankly none of her business. I would answer basic questions but if your Aunt asks intrusive questions, then just don't answer them, if she questions again, then simply say that your finances are your business and no one else's.

I blame your mum for not standing up to her silly sister years ago!

She’s clearly a ‘people pleaser’ and has passed on that nonsense to you because she’s afraid of any potential confrontation.

Now it’s time for you to take a stand and be assertive and tell your Aunty to FO for the sake of your own children. Even if she cuts you all off, that’s surely a win:win result?

You can choose a more gentle form of words, but YOU have to be the one who stops this behaviour in its tracks and show the next generation that they don’t have to ‘be nice’ and allow others to take advantage of their kind nature and walk all over them.

Be kind to the people who truly deserve your respect, not because they happen to be related or older than you !

Some families are just bizarre. My friend's aunts are like this, came into her sister's new home last week and asked mad questions such as what she'd paid for her flooring. Then told her she should have bought a different type of flooring like her own daughter her. Like how tiny is your world if you give a flying fuck about the dull minutae of what other people earn and spend?

Not being unreasonable saying no to the visit. If they push, just say "I know you're hyper fixated on whether or not family members are doing better than your kids and I'm worried if you come see how wonderful our new place is, you'll feel bad." You'll offend her on so many levels she'll be foaming at the mouth while at the same time the curiousity will eat her alive.

I don't think the OP is using the divorce thing to be judgy. It is literally the only card she has available to play against the 'We're Considerably Richer Than You And Like To Rub Your Nose In It' comments from the aunt.

@FuckityFux- exactly this.
My mum is definitely a people pleaser and will just sit there whilst her sister is rude and insulting.

But then afterwards moan about her.

I saw my aunt over the weekend at my parents house.
As usual was asking personal questions about money etc.

I just told her “why do you feel the need to ask such rude and intrusive questions? You and your kids are no better then anyone else, you have such a tedious habit of playing people off against each other, I don’t want someone like you in my house to be honest”.

She was very very shocked and asked my mum to step in, my mum just sat there.

My cousin text me to say my aunt was upset and I had to remind her of the times when my aunt had upset my mum and other people.

I just left it at that.